What makes a woman marriage material?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Describing someone as marriage material is so gross. It's intrinsically super sexist.

Marriage is all luck and timing. Luck in meeting someone who works (I don't believe in The One) and timing with it being during society's tiny window acceptability for women (age 25-35).

The rest is nonsense.

No... its not about luck or timing. If you cant find someone in your ten year window (25-35) its not an issue of timing or luck.

Most women struggle to find someone because either they A) put it off until later and then it starts being too late (and here it becomes an issue of luck) or B) have unrealistic expectations of partners.

You say the "ten year window" like it's the only possibility for marriage. That's insane. First of all, getting married at 25 is rarely a good move. And there are plenty of people (including me and many of my friends) who dated, had relationships, but didn't meet and marry their spouse until they were past your deadline of 35.

The deadline of 35 is more your biological clock. 35 is advanced maternal age. Many of my friends had fertility problems and children with special needs definitely seems to occur more with older parents. This is not some fabricated societal marriage deadline. If you want to have a child or multiple children, it is ideal to have them under age 40.

[Anonymous]

And if you want to have 2 kids before 40, you need to meet your husband by 35 assuming you want to get to know him before you get married so that may put you at getting married at 37 if you meet at 35. If everything goes right, you can have 2 kids before 40 if you meet at age 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two things, from what I can observe. Women who are marriage material:

1. Have a realistic idea of their mating market value and do not pine for men outside of their reach.

2. Insist on marriage and do not hesitate to leave relationships not bound for marriage.

Its #2 in many many cases. So many women I know waited around for 4, 5, 6 years. That's a lot of time to sink into an unsure prospect. I don't have daughters, but if I did, I would discuss the idea of an internal leave clock. I'd cap it at 2 years postgrad. This timing/luck challenge is just not the same for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In DC know dozens of above-average looking, fun, smart, kind women, most with good jobs with benefits and a career ladder and a college education who never married. They are all Latina or Black, and are all Catholic or Protestant. Only 1 of them is "off" emotionally. The rest are lovely people who didn't demand anything that every woman deserves in a partner.

As I see, the White guys here either didn't ask them out or they dated and the guy decided he preferred a basic UMC White woman, especially if the woman was a first-gen college grad and had student loan debt and a modest family background. Their mostly short and bald Latino and Black male counterparts had their pick of women of color here, and most of them married women who were far better looking. If these women had moved back to the states they came here from, they would easily have a found a partner but he probably wouldn't be as well educated as her.

So, for these women of color I'd say they're still single because of the limited notions that White men have of female beauty, and because of family of origin class differences.

White men are not the ONLY men not interested in them, there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 friends who never married (2 from high school and 1 from college, we're in our late 40s) and the thing they have in common is parents who spoiled them. Maybe that's a coincidence but they were all really cute and they're all smart and fun, so there's not a reason unless just bad luck/bad timing.

They just need to find a man that can handle them. I am a spoiled B and my DH loves that about me. And I love that he has no problem keep me in check or putting me in my place. We have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being good-looking has nothing to do with whether you got married by age 35. Most brides are not extraordinarily good-looking. But then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and lots of men seem content with very average-looking wives.

A lot has to do with the field you work in. Engineers and people in the medical profession have lots of opportunities to come across men on a daily basis while behaving in ways that men don't find intimidating. Women in non-profits will struggle to encounter unmarried hetero men in daily life. Women in law have it the worst because you meet new men but it's usually in an antagonistic setting. I have lots of female engineer friends and even the overweight and not well put together ones have men coming out of their ears.

It’s this. You can be thebifgest catch in the world, but if you’re in a female dominated industry you’ll have a really hard time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I surveyed a group of women, some were married and others were single with no luck in men.

Those that were married just mentioned right timing, single ones said none of this advice works.

Well, what’s the reason why some men women just cannot land a proposal? Let alone a committed long term relationship?

Marriage material:

Good in bed, good at cooking, good at planning awesome vacations & weekends, good at cleaning & tidying, good with babies, toddlers, adolescents, tweens & teens, good at keeping family traditions, good health & wellness & fitness, and good at supporting me.

Was this signed Jane and Michael Banks?

Who’s that?

^ignore this PP
I got the reference and thought you were funny!

But then, I have a cheery disposition…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I surveyed a group of women, some were married and others were single with no luck in men.

Those that were married just mentioned right timing, single ones said none of this advice works.

Well, what’s the reason why some men women just cannot land a proposal? Let alone a committed long term relationship?

Can’t “land a proposal”? It’s not a sport. Some women have standards or are busy. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I surveyed a group of women, some were married and others were single with no luck in men.

Those that were married just mentioned right timing, single ones said none of this advice works.

Well, what’s the reason why some men women just cannot land a proposal? Let alone a committed long term relationship?

Can’t “land a proposal”? It’s not a sport. Some women have standards or are busy. Gross.

Busy is such a lie. You can make time to date if there is a willing partner. DH and I were both very ambitious and worked long hours. We still saw one another plenty even if it was just for sex and sleep. We were both working 60-80 hours each when we got married.

[Anonymous]

Biggest red-flag in a woman is mental illness.

If she has a therapist, dump her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In DC know dozens of above-average looking, fun, smart, kind women, most with good jobs with benefits and a career ladder and a college education who never married. They are all Latina or Black, and are all Catholic or Protestant. Only 1 of them is "off" emotionally. The rest are lovely people who didn't demand anything that every woman deserves in a partner.

As I see, the White guys here either didn't ask them out or they dated and the guy decided he preferred a basic UMC White woman, especially if the woman was a first-gen college grad and had student loan debt and a modest family background. Their mostly short and bald Latino and Black male counterparts had their pick of women of color here, and most of them married women who were far better looking. If these women had moved back to the states they came here from, they would easily have a found a partner but he probably wouldn't be as well educated as her.

So, for these women of color I'd say they're still single because of the limited notions that White men have of female beauty, and because of family of origin class differences.

Educated Black women in DC have a difficult time finding successful, educated, available Black men to marry here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In DC know dozens of above-average looking, fun, smart, kind women, most with good jobs with benefits and a career ladder and a college education who never married. They are all Latina or Black, and are all Catholic or Protestant. Only 1 of them is "off" emotionally. The rest are lovely people who didn't demand anything that every woman deserves in a partner.

As I see, the White guys here either didn't ask them out or they dated and the guy decided he preferred a basic UMC White woman, especially if the woman was a first-gen college grad and had student loan debt and a modest family background. Their mostly short and bald Latino and Black male counterparts had their pick of women of color here, and most of them married women who were far better looking. If these women had moved back to the states they came here from, they would easily have a found a partner but he probably wouldn't be as well educated as her.

So, for these women of color I'd say they're still single because of the limited notions that White men have of female beauty, and because of family of origin class differences.

Are you really blaming white men for this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being good-looking has nothing to do with whether you got married by age 35. Most brides are not extraordinarily good-looking. But then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and lots of men seem content with very average-looking wives.

A lot has to do with the field you work in. Engineers and people in the medical profession have lots of opportunities to come across men on a daily basis while behaving in ways that men don't find intimidating. Women in non-profits will struggle to encounter unmarried hetero men in daily life. Women in law have it the worst because you meet new men but it's usually in an antagonistic setting. I have lots of female engineer friends and even the overweight and not well put together ones have men coming out of their ears.

Ugly women do not do well in the dating market. Sure, you don’t have to be beautiful but the guy has to be attracted to you.

True.

Attractiveness is real. Not being obese is a thing - believe it or not.

These are facts.

But, if you insist on clinging to what your mommy told you about “real beauty is on the inside; it’s all that matters,” well, I guess you can make that “your truth” ( enjoy all your cats).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In DC know dozens of above-average looking, fun, smart, kind women, most with good jobs with benefits and a career ladder and a college education who never married. They are all Latina or Black, and are all Catholic or Protestant. Only 1 of them is "off" emotionally. The rest are lovely people who didn't demand anything that every woman deserves in a partner.

As I see, the White guys here either didn't ask them out or they dated and the guy decided he preferred a basic UMC White woman, especially if the woman was a first-gen college grad and had student loan debt and a modest family background. Their mostly short and bald Latino and Black male counterparts had their pick of women of color here, and most of them married women who were far better looking. If these women had moved back to the states they came here from, they would easily have a found a partner but he probably wouldn't be as well educated as her.

So, for these women of color I'd say they're still single because of the limited notions that White men have of female beauty, and because of family of origin class differences.

Are you really blaming white men for this?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In DC know dozens of above-average looking, fun, smart, kind women, most with good jobs with benefits and a career ladder and a college education who never married. They are all Latina or Black, and are all Catholic or Protestant. Only 1 of them is "off" emotionally. The rest are lovely people who didn't demand anything that every woman deserves in a partner.

As I see, the White guys here either didn't ask them out or they dated and the guy decided he preferred a basic UMC White woman, especially if the woman was a first-gen college grad and had student loan debt and a modest family background. Their mostly short and bald Latino and Black male counterparts had their pick of women of color here, and most of them married women who were far better looking. If these women had moved back to the states they came here from, they would easily have a found a partner but he probably wouldn't be as well educated as her.

So, for these women of color I'd say they're still single because of the limited notions that White men have of female beauty, and because of family of origin class differences.

Educated Black women in DC have a difficult time finding successful, educated, available Black men to marry here.

Black women and Asian men are considered to be the least attractive by the opposite sex. Asian men are often well educated and earn a high income so they can offset by money.

I also know many amazing single black women.