When did you stop paying for vacations together-college?

[Anonymous]

I'm mid 30's and my mom literally just sent me money to book flights for DH and I to go on a trip - without them! She constantly offers to book us to go with them for things, like cruises and whatnot, but we havent taken it up yet. We went on one vacation with her like 10 years ago and it was kind of awful. She's better now, married, therapy, etc, but also much older now. We did fly down to visit them when they were snowbirding, but we paid for our own flights and just stayed with them.

My ILs also constantly suggest trips, but they are far too immobile to really do much. My MIL did a shore excursion that was rated "Easy" and still had some walking. She complained that it was all walking! And that it was supposed to be easy! It probably was, just not for her. They also invited us on a cruise with them (this one, that she complained about the excursion), and I'm glad we didn't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so fascinated that people in their 30s and 40s are going on vacations that their (presumably elderly) parents pay for.

In my mind, it should be the other way around, but oh well.

Pay it forward.

My adult kids have good careers and work their butts off but also have 2-4 kids each family, live in costly areas, and are saving for kids colleges and their retirement plus running their households.

No way do I want them paying for our flights or resort room or nice meals out. How absurd.

Nice cards or thoughtful gifts or calls from the grandkids and my own kids are the best.

[Anonymous]

Plus they are so overtaxed .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so fascinated that people in their 30s and 40s are going on vacations that their (presumably elderly) parents pay for.

In my mind, it should be the other way around, but oh well.

Pay it forward.

My adult kids have good careers and work their butts off but also have 2-4 kids each family, live in costly areas, and are saving for kids colleges and their retirement plus running their households.

No way do I want them paying for our flights or resort room or nice meals out. How absurd.

Nice cards or thoughtful gifts or calls from the grandkids and my own kids are the best.

How old are they? We have 2 kids, live in a costly area, saving for retirement and college, and it would not be “absurd” to treat our parents to vacation. But, we are mid to late 40s. So maybe you are taking about 30 year old, or a millennial who is used to their parents paying for everything. Different generations for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so fascinated that people in their 30s and 40s are going on vacations that their (presumably elderly) parents pay for.

In my mind, it should be the other way around, but oh well.

Pay it forward.

My adult kids have good careers and work their butts off but also have 2-4 kids each family, live in costly areas, and are saving for kids colleges and their retirement plus running their households.

No way do I want them paying for our flights or resort room or nice meals out. How absurd.

Nice cards or thoughtful gifts or calls from the grandkids and my own kids are the best.

How old are they? We have 2 kids, live in a costly area, saving for retirement and college, and it would not be “absurd” to treat our parents to vacation. But, we are mid to late 40s. So maybe you are taking about 30 year old, or a millennial who is used to their parents paying for everything. Different generations for sure.

WtF? Can everyone just do what works for them and their families? Pay. Don't pay. But don't base it based on what others are/are not doing. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so fascinated that people in their 30s and 40s are going on vacations that their (presumably elderly) parents pay for.

In my mind, it should be the other way around, but oh well.

I think this is generally only when the parents are making more money, either from job or investments. My parents/ILs also know we are footing mortgage/nanny costs while they all live debt free and monthly kid expenses, and them spending it on us makes them happy knowing that they can help us all spend time together as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so fascinated that people in their 30s and 40s are going on vacations that their (presumably elderly) parents pay for.

In my mind, it should be the other way around, but oh well.

Pay it forward.

My adult kids have good careers and work their butts off but also have 2-4 kids each family, live in costly areas, and are saving for kids colleges and their retirement plus running their households.

No way do I want them paying for our flights or resort room or nice meals out. How absurd.

Nice cards or thoughtful gifts or calls from the grandkids and my own kids are the best.

How old are they? We have 2 kids, live in a costly area, saving for retirement and college, and it would not be “absurd” to treat our parents to vacation. But, we are mid to late 40s. So maybe you are taking about 30 year old, or a millennial who is used to their parents paying for everything. Different generations for sure.

My parents would not accept a vacation if we were paying for it. I have to sneak to pay the bill when WE take them out for their own birthdays, and still get in trouble! Not all parents want to siphon from their children.

[Anonymous]

I’m 45 and my in-laws still pay for vacations and graciously included me even before I was engaged. They stopped paying for flights once each of their children was an adult with a paying job - some went to grad school so it was longer for them.

The in-laws pay for the main lodging - beach house, ski condo, etc. We do not have any say in what they select or who gets what room, but they are pretty reasonable and it’s not an issue. We buy flights for our family of four. If it’s a ski trip, we buy our own life tickets and schedule lessons for kids that we also pay for. If there is an activity we want to do with the kids like a a museum or tour, we invite the grandparents and buy their tickets with ours. The grandparents pay for most meals and incidentals, but if it’s a beach house or airb&b situation we will do the “big” grocery run to stock the fridge. We always pick up the dinner check one night - usually the “fanciest” most expensive night. They don’t ask us to pitch in anything, but they accept when we offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll pay as long as I want them to vacation with me! Including SOs.

+1

If I am going anyway, and I can afford it - the more the merrier, when it comes to family! If I could include everyone (all my kids, their spouses, their kids), that would be the ultimate indicator to me that I have done everything right. They should want to be with me, that is my legacy. Why wouldn't you, OP?

[Anonymous]

When I was a teen/young adult, I mostly stopped vacationing with my family when I was in college. I had summer jobs instead. One summer when I was in college my grandparents paid for a vacation for the extended family, including paying for my parents and myself. I do remember vacationing with a boyfriend's family when I was in college and I was not expected to pay (it was a local beach vacation, so the costs included the beach house and food but not air travel). I vacationed with my parents again when I was in my 30s and financially stable, and by then I wouldn't have let them pay for me.

I got a PhD after undergrad and didn't have a real income until I was 27. If my parents wanted me to pay my own way on a vacation before then I wouldn't have gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to make sure you aren't getting in the way of time with their significant other's family. The young couple will want to make it fair. You want to be sensitive that you're not luring them with expensive vacations for any wrong reasons.

Adults can make their own decisions on how to budget their limited vacation time. It’s up to each couple to set their own boundaries. I say this as an adult who vacations with my non-local in-laws annually but also spends time with my local parents every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so fascinated that people in their 30s and 40s are going on vacations that their (presumably elderly) parents pay for.

In my mind, it should be the other way around, but oh well.

I think this is generally only when the parents are making more money, either from job or investments. My parents/ILs also know we are footing mortgage/nanny costs while they all live debt free and monthly kid expenses, and them spending it on us makes them happy knowing that they can help us all spend time together as a family.

Gosh I didn’t realize how common this was. My DH and I have never been taken on a vacation by our parents, and neither would we pay for our parents to travel with us. (I don’t want to travel with my parents or in-laws, tbh).

As kids, I never travelled with my grandparents. It’s just not something our family does culturally.

We are able to pay for nice vacations on our own, and so I don’t feel like I am completely missing out.

[Anonymous]

My parents have taken the entire family (3 kids, spouses, 7 grandkids) on vacations. Once to Yellowstone, and a resort on a lake somewhere when the kids were all very young and some others. It was/is important to them that the cousins know each other growing up.

My ILs have done the same

[Anonymous]

I’m dealing with a related issue. My husband (age 48) and I and 2 kids have taken MIL and SIL on some nice vacations over the years. Both have money but it ends up that other than airfare, we end up paying for everything. Recently, we want to do more travel alone as a family and have tried to communicate this directly to them. They are offended that we want to take summer trips by ourselves. I think it’s rude to expect your son to take you on vacation. It’s one thing if we invite them but I find it obnoxious to assume we are doing it every year when they don’t volunteer to contribute much and they want a say in where we go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At most I’d make them pay airfare (and then only if it’s not too expensive).

That’s based on the assumption that we will be much better off than they are and that they have limited vacation time so it’s a bit of a choice/sacrifice to spend it with us.

I’d much rather have one vacation together a year we all spend together which we subsidize than not have any vacation together (or even have one driven by their budget).

+1. Well said.