When did you stop paying for vacations together-college?

[Anonymous]

My parents take all the kids and grand kids on vacation-- they want us to be together, so they pay, but they expect us to take the time off and go on the trip.

My ILs don't have as much money. If we all go on vacation together, we split the cost of the beach house and each sibling is in charge of paying for/cooking one meal. There have been a few Mexico trips that my DH and I did not go on because we didn't want to spend the money and his parents weren't paying. No one was offended that we said no.

[Anonymous]

I started doing it about 10yrs ago for my siblings. One sibling is 20yrs younger than me so she might as well be my child. My other sibling works in health care and while he lives within his means, he doesn’t have a lot for extras. My younger sibling has no kids and the other has 2. His 2 and my 2 kids are very close in part because they’ve spent time together. This year my brothers oldest is bringing a friend. It’s fine. Whomever wants to come on family vacation is welcome. It’s not expected. No one ever refuses.

Growing up our parents were not like this and cut everyone off at 18. They functioned on a different time schedule than the rest of us—their day started at 2-3 in the afternoon and they didn’t understand why when we all had young kids, we were up at 6 and ready for bed by 8. I felt no guilt in not inviting them to fun family vacation where they expected formal sit down dinner each evening, planned activities that encompassed everyone —meaning someone in the group would be unhappy, and they didn’t enjoy the beach or the snow.

I’ll keep doing this until I can’t or people stop showing up.

[Anonymous]

UMC and my family stopped paying when I graduated college. I will say that we often don't join them because we can't afford the hotels they choose. Sorry but I'm not staying at the Ritz when a Hampton Inn is just fine for my toddlers.

[Anonymous]

If I am financially able to do so, for as long as I can! I want us to vacation together as a family and I would love one big trip a year.

[Anonymous]

When they're gainfully employed, but I would never invite them and expect them to pay 100% of their expenses. An invitation to join us means we pay for some of it, as a thank you for coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I imagine after college or after the kids move out. I love our family vacations, I would hate for them to stop.

If they bring a boy/girlfriend I would tell them to have their partner pay their own way and contribute to ..say buying lunches, breakfast.

When did you cut it off?

We would do lodging but not flights and all meals. We all pay for our own level of eating and drinking when out. If clearly a holiday or bday meal one of us will treat and pay upfront.

Some of our adult kids had many kids others not. So it’s not fair to any one person to pay for everyone. Everyone has different eating and upgrade and drinking habits. And number of people in their new families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I imagine after college or after the kids move out. I love our family vacations, I would hate for them to stop.

If they bring a boy/girlfriend I would tell them to have their partner pay their own way and contribute to ..say buying lunches, breakfast.

When did you cut it off?

So far, if it is a family trip, we pay, including any SOs. We have more discretionary money. DH and I take other trips by ourselves. I don’t see us cutting it off. The biggest limiting factor is time off from work.

[Anonymous]

Never. We plan one trip a year that we can afford to include all the kids/spouses/significant others. Some years this is an international trip, some years it's just a laid-back VRBO in the mountains. But every year there is an opportunity for a family vacation.

[Anonymous]

lol re: asking significant other to pay for breakfast on a vacation they didn’t have any input into and likely aren’t thrilled to be on, That’s a great way to get less time with your adult children.

[Anonymous]

My spouse’s family paid for us into 30s. Life circumstances changed and we haven’t traveled with them for years. I think I’ve only been on one vacation with either of my parents since I was 22, and parents paid. I hope my own son will still want to travel with us when he’s an adult and we’d pay his way.

[Anonymous]

I think I would pay for vacations in that I rent a big house at a beach/lake/ski place and invite them to join (no pressure or expectation). But that would be the extent of it. I assume when they’re adults, they’ll want to do their own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol re: asking significant other to pay for breakfast on a vacation they didn’t have any input into and likely aren’t thrilled to be on, That’s a great way to get less time with your adult children.

Yep. Took my inlaws about 20 years to learn this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One kid is 31 and another is 28. We still invite them and will pay for lodging, meals, and entertainment. They have to pay to get there. If they want to bring a significant other we would extend the same to that person.

+1

Did the time share thing and book 3 large units all the same time and whatever son or daughter’s families can make it, make it. Usually one or both make it, otherwise we gift to a friend or cancel it before lose the points. Did Orlando and Disney 6 years, Aruba 12 xmases, Hawaii, ski trips, ranches, Florida keys, downtown Chicago, etc.

Then our lake house is open all summer for visitors and kid camps.

[Anonymous]

I have not gone on a family vacation with my family since I was 17. My grandparents didn’t vacation with us, nor do my parents think they should vacation with my family.

My spouse continued to go on family vacations through college and after. I went to two. His parents paid for the accommodations and they were miserable. Think 6 adults in a one bedroom apartment with married adults expected to sleep on couches in the shared living room. I thought the first was a fluke so I agreed a second time. Shame on me, you fooled me twice.

If I were to think we should have a vacation with our children when they are adults I would expect to pay for all of it and would not be offering bare bones sleeping on couch accommodations. Because as a pregnant person, that was awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We pay all expenses for family vacations because we are grateful that they use their vacation days to spend time with us.

+1 I think this is the usual thinking when grandparents are wealthy enough to afford it.