He also understands that… “The immediate reaction from those responding was not to share stories, but rather to attack the original poster.” “It is almost as if the entire DCUM had turned into a mom's clique and was determined to ostracize the original poster. The attacks on the original poster reached the point that they generated their own backlash.” “the reaction of most of the posters, who appeared almost rabid in their eagerness to attack the original poster, was far more overdone.” “It appears that like fight clubs, the first rule of mom cliques is to not talk about mom cliques.” |
+1 |
I didn’t attempt to read for tone or backstory. It sounded like a very awkward uncomfortable situation all around. |
Common courtesy is if you're group of moms having lunch for whatever reason at a winery and recognize another mom from your kid's class, you wave and say "oh hey! how are you?!" rather than act like you got caught doing something. |
DP than the one you’re responding to and I think your post gets at why I’ve been so drawn to this thread. I’m really bothered by the misogyny that is the basis of this post. OP didn’t simply say wow I’m bummed, I wish I had an invite. She described the situation in a negative light (clique doesn’t have a particularly good connotation) and continued to dribble out information as if how dare these women have the gall to meet up in a big group and socialize on a Friday. And then other posters jumped on the bandwagon adding comments that these women are drunks, frivolous SAHMs with nothing better to do, that this is why they’d rather talk to dads, that middle aged moms are the worst at being annoying to serve food, etc. I am someone who often socializes in big groups of women. I love girls’ trips and mom’s nights out. I have text chains going at any given time with my closest girlfriends. I truly value my female friendships. I feel bad for women who have so internalized societal misogyny that their knee jerk reaction is to think of it as a bad thing, lash out in a text, and then post online asking people to share negative stories about women. And the posters who are adding on and basically making the middle age equivalent to teen girl comments about “oh I’m not like other girls, I’m a guys’ girl.” Umm okay. Have fun hating other women and hanging with dads all the time. |
This sounds like such an innocuous situation of a group of SAHMs who probably have a standing lunch outing and you ran into them, so of course it's awkward! They know you work so you've never been included, because that wasn't the origin of the outing.
You could've waved and explained your reason for being there as coordinating an event and they may have even invited you to join, which you could have shrugged off as "sorry, have to get back to work, maybe next time!" The snarky text was your only miss here, and now you have to brace yourself for more awkwardness and division. |
. Or not. That group or the person that received your text may actually have more empathy than this board. I’d let it roll off your shoulders, follow up with your friend in person if you need to. It’s probably not a big deal in the social structure of your school. I’d let it go. |
Boosting this. In case op is still checking in. |
I could see an event like this being cliquey and considered "mean girl". A kindergarten mom event where only selected moms are invited. Sure enough, there's going to be a left out mom who is friends with one of the invitees and will wonder why she wasn't included, especially if it was a "kindergarten mom event". Even the tone of your second paragraph strikes me as "cliquey". You don't care if you see someone, and you wouldn't feel awkward because you're not their friend. I've met moms like you. Never friendly to people unless they have something to offer, never friendly to new people. You sound awful. |
Why did you text that snark to the other mom. If it’s u comfortable that’s on you. |
PP, you are the one who is exhausting. |
An adult woman is not a mean girl or cliquish for having friend groups and socializing with those groups. The cliquish behavior that I sometimes see is when a friend group is at an event like a school picnic or school volunteer event and they will not talk to or barely even so much as acknowledge other moms, even though they are part of a shared community in a shared space. Particularly if moms new to the area or school are there...it just feels so mean not to extend a welcome or hello. It's this "no new friends" mentality. That's the problematic behavior I see at this age. But I don't begrudge any women from socializing with their friend groups. |
We aren't trying to "defend" OP so much as ask that if you have helpful advice for someone you think is struggling socially, why can you not relay that in a kinder manner. Some of the posts on this thread are harsh and unnecessary. Just because it's anonymous you unload? And some of you are really making some assumptions that seem...overstepping. That is all. |
Translation: I love mom cliques. But seriously, the posts calling moms drunks are whatever are not defensible. But most of the posts in support of OP are not these. They are aimed at people who made mean comments about OP based on little information. You are honing in on a small subset. |
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