Yes. Your Kid is overscheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

So what? They will if they have to, they aren’t broken. This isn’t a crisis. Your kids will just have to figure out what to do on their own if neighbor kids arent available to entertain them. Isn’t that what you wanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

So what? They will if they have to, they aren’t broken. This isn’t a crisis. Your kids will just have to figure out what to do on their own if neighbor kids arent available to entertain them. Isn’t that what you wanted?

I wasn't speaking about my own kids. I was saying that it seems like all kids get today are screen time and organized activities. That they have a hard time entertaining themselves without them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

So what? They will if they have to, they aren’t broken. This isn’t a crisis. Your kids will just have to figure out what to do on their own if neighbor kids arent available to entertain them. Isn’t that what you wanted?

I wasn't speaking about my own kids. I was saying that it seems like all kids get today are screen time and organized activities. That they have a hard time entertaining themselves without them

It seems like, it feels like, blah blah. Are you ever around kids? They haven't changed all that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

So what? They will if they have to, they aren’t broken. This isn’t a crisis. Your kids will just have to figure out what to do on their own if neighbor kids arent available to entertain them. Isn’t that what you wanted?

I wasn't speaking about my own kids. I was saying that it seems like all kids get today are screen time and organized activities. That they have a hard time entertaining themselves without them

It seems like, it feels like, blah blah. Are you ever around kids? They haven't changed all that much.

I wouldn't be participating if I wasn't around other kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

So what? They will if they have to, they aren’t broken. This isn’t a crisis. Your kids will just have to figure out what to do on their own if neighbor kids arent available to entertain them. Isn’t that what you wanted?

I wasn't speaking about my own kids. I was saying that it seems like all kids get today are screen time and organized activities. That they have a hard time entertaining themselves without them

It seems like, it feels like, blah blah. Are you ever around kids? They haven't changed all that much.

I wouldn't be participating if I wasn't around other kids

Then you would know kids are still kids. They aren’t scheduled every minute of the day. That’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

So what? They will if they have to, they aren’t broken. This isn’t a crisis. Your kids will just have to figure out what to do on their own if neighbor kids arent available to entertain them. Isn’t that what you wanted?

I wasn't speaking about my own kids. I was saying that it seems like all kids get today are screen time and organized activities. That they have a hard time entertaining themselves without them

It seems like, it feels like, blah blah. Are you ever around kids? They haven't changed all that much.

I wouldn't be participating if I wasn't around other kids

Then you would know kids are still kids. They aren’t scheduled every minute of the day. That’s ridiculous.

You seem really determined to prove that kids aren't overscheduled. You can still be overscheduled without being busy every minute of the day.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

So what? They will if they have to, they aren’t broken. This isn’t a crisis. Your kids will just have to figure out what to do on their own if neighbor kids arent available to entertain them. Isn’t that what you wanted?

I wasn't speaking about my own kids. I was saying that it seems like all kids get today are screen time and organized activities. That they have a hard time entertaining themselves without them

It seems like, it feels like, blah blah. Are you ever around kids? They haven't changed all that much.

I wouldn't be participating if I wasn't around other kids

Then you would know kids are still kids. They aren’t scheduled every minute of the day. That’s ridiculous.

You seem really determined to prove that kids aren't overscheduled. You can still be overscheduled without being busy every minute of the day.

You haven’t proven anything. What does over scheduled mean? How many activities is too many? How many hours a week? It’s just a bunch of feelings here without data or facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

If they have to, sure, but alot of kids don't have to and aren't given the chance to do so.

So what? They will if they have to, they aren’t broken. This isn’t a crisis. Your kids will just have to figure out what to do on their own if neighbor kids arent available to entertain them. Isn’t that what you wanted?

I wasn't speaking about my own kids. I was saying that it seems like all kids get today are screen time and organized activities. That they have a hard time entertaining themselves without them

It seems like, it feels like, blah blah. Are you ever around kids? They haven't changed all that much.

I wouldn't be participating if I wasn't around other kids

Then you would know kids are still kids. They aren’t scheduled every minute of the day. That’s ridiculous.

You seem really determined to prove that kids aren't overscheduled. You can still be overscheduled without being busy every minute of the day.

My kids have an activity almost everyday. I’m a sahm so my kids don’t go to aftercare. My older kids get out of school before 3 and my youngest gets out at 3. They have six hours after school and doing an activity or going to sports practice is not overscheduled in my opinion. Yes, there are days that they may have more than one activity like piano and dance on the same day but that is not everyday. We don’t do a lot of play dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speak for yourself, lady. Mine has way too much time at home to play video games.

Same. Plus reading, drawing and writing. Plenty of attempts to change their introverted, homebody natures and sign them up for sports, music, etc. Hard no to all of it. They can't say I didn't tell them.

[Anonymous]

This board is fully of low-IQ ninnies with an irrational fear of screens. My kids are in coding classes and do code projects for fun in their downtime. Last weekend one spent a few hours making word search game which required her to construct a dictionary, which required much time spent online finding and formatting and editing pre-existing dictionaries, on top of the time spent writing the meat of the code. All of it in front of a dreaded screen. Finished product was very cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is fully of low-IQ ninnies with an irrational fear of screens. My kids are in coding classes and do code projects for fun in their downtime. Last weekend one spent a few hours making word search game which required her to construct a dictionary, which required much time spent online finding and formatting and editing pre-existing dictionaries, on top of the time spent writing the meat of the code. All of it in front of a dreaded screen. Finished product was very cool.

Aren’t you a peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

I agree. My DCs are in a lot of organized activities and get maybe an hour and a half (we don’t time it exactly) of daily screen time and though they will complain when I say screen time is over, they will quickly find something creative to do (make-believe, draw, etc) or read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is fully of low-IQ ninnies with an irrational fear of screens. My kids are in coding classes and do code projects for fun in their downtime. Last weekend one spent a few hours making word search game which required her to construct a dictionary, which required much time spent online finding and formatting and editing pre-existing dictionaries, on top of the time spent writing the meat of the code. All of it in front of a dreaded screen. Finished product was very cool.

How old are your kids? By age 18 you will likely change your tune