Yes. Your Kid is overscheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the people who think a 5 year old can’t have screen free relaxation time are the people who have unhealthy screen use themselves. I struggle to be more present and put my phone down, but I am working on it at least when around DS. My son does not have an issue just relaxing at home. He reads, listens to audio books, plays with a Rubik’s cube, or we fix a snack plate and just chat and hang out. He shoots goals outside or kicks a ball around. We sometimes watch a show together, but not very often. He does not have a tablet and we don’t have a video game set up.

Sounds lonely.

It doesn’t sound lovely if the parent is on the phone ignoring the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

5 yr olds aren’t over scheduled their parents just don’t want to deal with you.

+1. A 5 year old doesn’t need a spontaneous play date. They don’t need to be in an activity either. Weekends are for quiet relaxation. I turn things down because I just want to be with my own family.

Hilarious... quiet relaxation with 5 and 3 year old boys. Not happening unless they're on screens for hours which is way worse than playing Tball outside or whatever else

A shame that you don't know how to have fun and relax with your boys! This time is fleeting. Enjoy it! And of course, don't put them on screens!!!

You have different types of children than I do if your young boys are spending weekends quietly relaxing. I don't know anyone with young children who would say that except ones on screens constantly. I do know some with girls who like to do crafts etc for long periods of time. My boys are not like that. No one said anything about not having fun with them- 'quietly relaxing' and having fun together are not mutually exclusive are they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world is there this weird belief that of kids aren't scheduled up, that parents/kids are lazy or kids are running around causing trouble? This is a bizarre line of thinking [/quote
Because it true

It's not true at all. What a weird way of thinking.

Also weird is the idea if a kid plays an organized sport they don't have any down time and are robbed of a childhood. See how that works?

Because parents are never doing it got themselves instead of their kid? And we just had a whole thread of ppl saying keep kids super busy to avoid screen time and trouble.

DP. You seem to see things in a very black or white way. A parent can acknowledge that activities minimizes screen time AND still have a child that has enough down time, especially when we are talking about older kids like middle school vs. younger elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

5 yr olds aren’t over scheduled their parents just don’t want to deal with you.

+1. A 5 year old doesn’t need a spontaneous play date. They don’t need to be in an activity either. Weekends are for quiet relaxation. I turn things down because I just want to be with my own family.

Hilarious... quiet relaxation with 5 and 3 year old boys. Not happening unless they're on screens for hours which is way worse than playing Tball outside or whatever else

A shame that you don't know how to have fun and relax with your boys! This time is fleeting. Enjoy it! And of course, don't put them on screens!!!

You have different types of children than I do if your young boys are spending weekends quietly relaxing. I don't know anyone with young children who would say that except ones on screens constantly. I do know some with girls who like to do crafts etc for long periods of time. My boys are not like that. No one said anything about not having fun with them- 'quietly relaxing' and having fun together are not mutually exclusive are they?

I thought the same thing. There is no ‘quiet relaxion’ at home with young kids - more like chaos and destruction. They have physical exertion, competition, and friends through sports. The alternative is not sitting home quietly reading stories at midday. I would lose my mind to hanging out and home or even sitting at the park every free moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

5 yr olds aren’t over scheduled their parents just don’t want to deal with you.

+1. A 5 year old doesn’t need a spontaneous play date. They don’t need to be in an activity either. Weekends are for quiet relaxation. I turn things down because I just want to be with my own family.

Hilarious... quiet relaxation with 5 and 3 year old boys. Not happening unless they're on screens for hours which is way worse than playing Tball outside or whatever else

A shame that you don't know how to have fun and relax with your boys! This time is fleeting. Enjoy it! And of course, don't put them on screens!!!

You have different types of children than I do if your young boys are spending weekends quietly relaxing. I don't know anyone with young children who would say that except ones on screens constantly. I do know some with girls who like to do crafts etc for long periods of time. My boys are not like that. No one said anything about not having fun with them- 'quietly relaxing' and having fun together are not mutually exclusive are they?

I thought the same thing. There is no ‘quiet relaxion’ at home with young kids - more like chaos and destruction. They have physical exertion, competition, and friends through sports. The alternative is not sitting home quietly reading stories at midday. I would lose my mind to hanging out and home or even sitting at the park every free moment.

People with calmer kids really have no idea. They think it's their parenting style. Both of my boys have a high need for movement. The younger one will sit and build Legos quietly for a while, but the rest of the time he is all over the place. When we are standing in line somewhere he walks around me in circles. Literally cannot just keep his body still. The older one's version of playing "quietly" still involves throwing or kicking a ball. He's on a travel sport team and they are all the same way. It's a self-selected group of kids who have always had a lot of energy that needed to be channeled in a non-destructive way.

My nephews were the same way as kids, and they are all perfectly well-adjusted teens and young adults now. When they wre little my SIL kept them busy and called it "running the dogs". Meanwhile I see friends' kids happy to curl up with a book during the day. It's temperament! Parent your kids the way you see fit and stop judging others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

5 yr olds aren’t over scheduled their parents just don’t want to deal with you.

+1. A 5 year old doesn’t need a spontaneous play date. They don’t need to be in an activity either. Weekends are for quiet relaxation. I turn things down because I just want to be with my own family.

Hilarious... quiet relaxation with 5 and 3 year old boys. Not happening unless they're on screens for hours which is way worse than playing Tball outside or whatever else

A shame that you don't know how to have fun and relax with your boys! This time is fleeting. Enjoy it! And of course, don't put them on screens!!!

I have 3 kids. My oldest were 2 years apart. We were a no screen time/very limited screen time house. The boys played plenty at age 3 and 5 but there was nothing relaxing back then. Boys were really active.

I am a sahm and the only time it is relaxing is when someone else is watching the kids. There is no relaxing WITH the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

5 yr olds aren’t over scheduled their parents just don’t want to deal with you.

+1. A 5 year old doesn’t need a spontaneous play date. They don’t need to be in an activity either. Weekends are for quiet relaxation. I turn things down because I just want to be with my own family.

Hilarious... quiet relaxation with 5 and 3 year old boys. Not happening unless they're on screens for hours which is way worse than playing Tball outside or whatever else

A shame that you don't know how to have fun and relax with your boys! This time is fleeting. Enjoy it! And of course, don't put them on screens!!!

You have different types of children than I do if your young boys are spending weekends quietly relaxing. I don't know anyone with young children who would say that except ones on screens constantly. I do know some with girls who like to do crafts etc for long periods of time. My boys are not like that. No one said anything about not having fun with them- 'quietly relaxing' and having fun together are not mutually exclusive are they?

I thought the same thing. There is no ‘quiet relaxion’ at home with young kids - more like chaos and destruction. They have physical exertion, competition, and friends through sports. The alternative is not sitting home quietly reading stories at midday. I would lose my mind to hanging out and home or even sitting at the park every free moment.

People with calmer kids really have no idea. They think it's their parenting style. Both of my boys have a high need for movement. The younger one will sit and build Legos quietly for a while, but the rest of the time he is all over the place. When we are standing in line somewhere he walks around me in circles. Literally cannot just keep his body still. The older one's version of playing "quietly" still involves throwing or kicking a ball. He's on a travel sport team and they are all the same way. It's a self-selected group of kids who have always had a lot of energy that needed to be channeled in a non-destructive way.

My nephews were the same way as kids, and they are all perfectly well-adjusted teens and young adults now. When they wre little my SIL kept them busy and called it "running the dogs". Meanwhile I see friends' kids happy to curl up with a book during the day. It's temperament! Parent your kids the way you see fit and stop judging others.

Some of it is parenting. We never allowed rough play and other things and stopped it each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world is there this weird belief that of kids aren't scheduled up, that parents/kids are lazy or kids are running around causing trouble? This is a bizarre line of thinking

+1. It’s actually more work to not schedule kids. I spend a lot of time with my kids. We go hiking, practice ball skills, do outings. It would be a lot less work for me to sign them up for xyz, drop them off and sit on my phone. It would not be nearly as rewarding, however.

[Anonymous]

Back off OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

[Anonymous]

I don't think that anyone in thos whole thread said don't let kids do activities or always say no. But, it is ok to have your limitations, for your kids and yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world is there this weird belief that of kids aren't scheduled up, that parents/kids are lazy or kids are running around causing trouble? This is a bizarre line of thinking

+1. It’s actually more work to not schedule kids. I spend a lot of time with my kids. We go hiking, practice ball skills, do outings. It would be a lot less work for me to sign them up for xyz, drop them off and sit on my phone. It would not be nearly as rewarding, however.

I find it very rewarding when I see my child on stage preforming at a high level orchestra. It's usually no dropping them off and just sitting on your phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

That's what I was saying. It doesn't hurt a kid to hear no and it helps kids hace a better balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.