Anyone not going for more children because of advanced maternal age?

[Anonymous]

I would have no children if I hadn't had my son at 38. It would have been different if I'd met my DH earlier, but I didn't. I have the right DH, we have a great marriage and a great DS.

[Anonymous]

I had some feelings that we should have a second. Part of the reason we didn't was we could barely handle one. Part was that I feared it would lead to divorce. But a third part was my fear that I was playing the odds (I had my son at 36). Please don't get me wrong, I would love any child. But I was more concerned with the burden I would put on my son if he would have to care for his sibling.

[Anonymous]

I'm TTC now and I'm mid-30's. I've been married 9 years already. Never felt the baby itch but feel that since I'm now AMA I had better start TTC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, in my opinion 35 is not that old. 45 and we'll talk, I mean it's a concern, but it's also a concern when your 25.

OP here. My youngest is only 1.5 years old. If we went for a third, I'd want to try in 1-2 years so I would be 37.

OP, I was 37 when my youngest was born. I was not considered advanced maternal by my OB.

[Anonymous]

Having my first just shy of 35. DH would love to have many babies, but I figure we'll be lucky if we can have 2. In theory I'd love to have 3, but that would put me too close to 40 for my own comfort. Hell, I dont even know how the first will go and I already feel I'm pushing my luck.

[Anonymous]

In terms of AMA, I now feel lucky that my OB when I was pregnant with DD never ever mentioned AMA to me, and I was almost 43 when I had her. I did have 2 miscarriages before her so of course my age was definitely discussed as a major factor, and DH is younger than me and had a lot of questions about my age and pregnancy, so we discussed it there too. But when I got pg the 3rd time and things were looking good, my OB never mentioned AMA and I didn't get referred to a Perinatal doc until there was a specific concern with the pregnancy (it had us worried for awhile but everything turned out fine).

I didn't know to be grateful then, but reading this thread makes me appreciate that I was treated like every other pregnant woman until there was a reason to treat me otherwise. I believe that's the right approach.

Btw I went on to be pg 2 more times after DD, at 44 and 46, but both ended in m/C's. The m/C's were difficult of course (one turned into quite the crazy drama!) but I would do it all over again just for the chance for another awesome kid. DD is just amazing... And came out healthy and strong too!

[Anonymous]

The discrimination against special needs babies here is expected, but sickening.

Look at this little guy, born to a young, healthy couple:

http://moreaboutmatthew.blogspot.com/

Look at these beautiful faces:

http://www.theidsc.org/

These could be your children, conceived in love, in a marriage. You would discard them in fear? We have come so far in our treatment of DS. My nephew has exceeded his milestones every step of the way so far, and is so loved.

Innocent children come from love and have love to give. If you are not opening your arms in love, OP, then you are not open to having any child, special needs or not.

For me, I am 36, and I hope and pray to have more children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do some volunteer work that puts me in regular contact with adults with Downs Syndrome. I enjoy my time with these folks, and they do have love to give and talents to share.
I also am not planning to have any more children, but if I find myself unexpectedly pregnant (very unexpectedly--I'm on an IUD!) I would do the testing and I would end the pregnancy if it came back positive for Downs.
While some folks with Downs Syndrome are rather high-functioning, many have very severe disabilities that require constant care. In addition to the intellectual disabilities, there are numerous physical issues associated with Downs. These physical issues in the past meant that life expectancy for DS was in the 30s. Now it is much higher, more like the 50s. When you couple that with advanced maternal age, you will outlive your disabled child. The parents of the DS folks I know are very, VERY concerned about what will happen to their children when they are gone. If you have other children, their care of their disabled sibling will not end when they leave your home. They will be caring for that sibling forever. In many cases, that sibling will have to come live with them. Long term care in group homes is also an option, but they are expensive, or substandard. Families sinks huge amounts of money into savings for long term care for their disabled children. These folks have significantly less in retirement savings, or in college savings for their other children because of this.
I want to make clear that I fully support anyone's choice to proceed with a pregnancy of a disabled child. I cherish the time I spend with the Downs Syndrome community, and have immense respect and admiration for the families of these special folks. I also know that, while I can't control all of the twist and turns of fate for my existing family, I will not invite the enormous financial and emotional burden that comes with a disabled child.
Again, not trying to convince anyone that my choice is the only "correct" one, but offering the thought process I've gone through to reach this conclusion.

You are disgusting. How dare you mention killing a child and retirement/college savings in the same paragraph. What a lack of respect. You can intellectualize it all you want, but you are still foul. Have some dignity and keep thoughts like that to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do some volunteer work that puts me in regular contact with adults with Downs Syndrome. I enjoy my time with these folks, and they do have love to give and talents to share.
I also am not planning to have any more children, but if I find myself unexpectedly pregnant (very unexpectedly--I'm on an IUD!) I would do the testing and I would end the pregnancy if it came back positive for Downs.
While some folks with Downs Syndrome are rather high-functioning, many have very severe disabilities that require constant care. In addition to the intellectual disabilities, there are numerous physical issues associated with Downs. These physical issues in the past meant that life expectancy for DS was in the 30s. Now it is much higher, more like the 50s. When you couple that with advanced maternal age, you will outlive your disabled child. The parents of the DS folks I know are very, VERY concerned about what will happen to their children when they are gone. If you have other children, their care of their disabled sibling will not end when they leave your home. They will be caring for that sibling forever. In many cases, that sibling will have to come live with them. Long term care in group homes is also an option, but they are expensive, or substandard. Families sinks huge amounts of money into savings for long term care for their disabled children. These folks have significantly less in retirement savings, or in college savings for their other children because of this.
I want to make clear that I fully support anyone's choice to proceed with a pregnancy of a disabled child. I cherish the time I spend with the Downs Syndrome community, and have immense respect and admiration for the families of these special folks. I also know that, while I can't control all of the twist and turns of fate for my existing family, I will not invite the enormous financial and emotional burden that comes with a disabled child.
Again, not trying to convince anyone that my choice is the only "correct" one, but offering the thought process I've gone through to reach this conclusion.

You are disgusting. How dare you mention killing a child and retirement/college savings in the same paragraph. What a lack of respect. You can intellectualize it all you want, but you are still foul. Have some dignity and keep thoughts like that to yourself.

I'm pro-choice, but this is simple eugenics anyway you look at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do some volunteer work that puts me in regular contact with adults with Downs Syndrome. I enjoy my time with these folks, and they do have love to give and talents to share.
I also am not planning to have any more children, but if I find myself unexpectedly pregnant (very unexpectedly--I'm on an IUD!) I would do the testing and I would end the pregnancy if it came back positive for Downs.
While some folks with Downs Syndrome are rather high-functioning, many have very severe disabilities that require constant care. In addition to the intellectual disabilities, there are numerous physical issues associated with Downs. These physical issues in the past meant that life expectancy for DS was in the 30s. Now it is much higher, more like the 50s. When you couple that with advanced maternal age, you will outlive your disabled child. The parents of the DS folks I know are very, VERY concerned about what will happen to their children when they are gone. If you have other children, their care of their disabled sibling will not end when they leave your home. They will be caring for that sibling forever. In many cases, that sibling will have to come live with them. Long term care in group homes is also an option, but they are expensive, or substandard. Families sinks huge amounts of money into savings for long term care for their disabled children. These folks have significantly less in retirement savings, or in college savings for their other children because of this.
I want to make clear that I fully support anyone's choice to proceed with a pregnancy of a disabled child. I cherish the time I spend with the Downs Syndrome community, and have immense respect and admiration for the families of these special folks. I also know that, while I can't control all of the twist and turns of fate for my existing family, I will not invite the enormous financial and emotional burden that comes with a disabled child.
Again, not trying to convince anyone that my choice is the only "correct" one, but offering the thought process I've gone through to reach this conclusion.

You are disgusting. How dare you mention killing a child and retirement/college savings in the same paragraph. What a lack of respect. You can intellectualize it all you want, but you are still foul. Have some dignity and keep thoughts like that to yourself.

I'm pro-choice, but this is simple eugenics anyway you look at it.

Please explain this to me. You are pro-choice, but you don't think people should actually have abortions? You think you should get to judge their motivation? "I don't want to have a child right now" is acceptable but "I don't want to have a severely disabled child" is not? Have you ever faced this decision yourself? You might "look at it" differently if you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do some volunteer work that puts me in regular contact with adults with Downs Syndrome. I enjoy my time with these folks, and they do have love to give and talents to share.
I also am not planning to have any more children, but if I find myself unexpectedly pregnant (very unexpectedly--I'm on an IUD!) I would do the testing and I would end the pregnancy if it came back positive for Downs.
While some folks with Downs Syndrome are rather high-functioning, many have very severe disabilities that require constant care. In addition to the intellectual disabilities, there are numerous physical issues associated with Downs. These physical issues in the past meant that life expectancy for DS was in the 30s. Now it is much higher, more like the 50s. When you couple that with advanced maternal age, you will outlive your disabled child. The parents of the DS folks I know are very, VERY concerned about what will happen to their children when they are gone. If you have other children, their care of their disabled sibling will not end when they leave your home. They will be caring for that sibling forever. In many cases, that sibling will have to come live with them. Long term care in group homes is also an option, but they are expensive, or substandard. Families sinks huge amounts of money into savings for long term care for their disabled children. These folks have significantly less in retirement savings, or in college savings for their other children because of this.
I want to make clear that I fully support anyone's choice to proceed with a pregnancy of a disabled child. I cherish the time I spend with the Downs Syndrome community, and have immense respect and admiration for the families of these special folks. I also know that, while I can't control all of the twist and turns of fate for my existing family, I will not invite the enormous financial and emotional burden that comes with a disabled child.
Again, not trying to convince anyone that my choice is the only "correct" one, but offering the thought process I've gone through to reach this conclusion.

You are disgusting. How dare you mention killing a child and retirement/college savings in the same paragraph. What a lack of respect. You can intellectualize it all you want, but you are still foul. Have some dignity and keep thoughts like that to yourself.

I'm pro-choice, but this is simple eugenics anyway you look at it.

Please explain this to me. You are pro-choice, but you don't think people should actually have abortions? You think you should get to judge their motivation? "I don't want to have a child right now" is acceptable but "I don't want to have a severely disabled child" is not? Have you ever faced this decision yourself? You might "look at it" differently if you have.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do some volunteer work that puts me in regular contact with adults with Downs Syndrome. I enjoy my time with these folks, and they do have love to give and talents to share.
I also am not planning to have any more children, but if I find myself unexpectedly pregnant (very unexpectedly--I'm on an IUD!) I would do the testing and I would end the pregnancy if it came back positive for Downs.
While some folks with Downs Syndrome are rather high-functioning, many have very severe disabilities that require constant care. In addition to the intellectual disabilities, there are numerous physical issues associated with Downs. These physical issues in the past meant that life expectancy for DS was in the 30s. Now it is much higher, more like the 50s. When you couple that with advanced maternal age, you will outlive your disabled child. The parents of the DS folks I know are very, VERY concerned about what will happen to their children when they are gone. If you have other children, their care of their disabled sibling will not end when they leave your home. They will be caring for that sibling forever. In many cases, that sibling will have to come live with them. Long term care in group homes is also an option, but they are expensive, or substandard. Families sinks huge amounts of money into savings for long term care for their disabled children. These folks have significantly less in retirement savings, or in college savings for their other children because of this.
I want to make clear that I fully support anyone's choice to proceed with a pregnancy of a disabled child. I cherish the time I spend with the Downs Syndrome community, and have immense respect and admiration for the families of these special folks. I also know that, while I can't control all of the twist and turns of fate for my existing family, I will not invite the enormous financial and emotional burden that comes with a disabled child.
Again, not trying to convince anyone that my choice is the only "correct" one, but offering the thought process I've gone through to reach this conclusion.

You are disgusting. How dare you mention killing a child and retirement/college savings in the same paragraph. What a lack of respect. You can intellectualize it all you want, but you are still foul. Have some dignity and keep thoughts like that to yourself.

I'm pro-choice, but this is simple eugenics anyway you look at it.

Please explain this to me. You are pro-choice, but you don't think people should actually have abortions? You think you should get to judge their motivation? "I don't want to have a child right now" is acceptable but "I don't want to have a severely disabled child" is not? Have you ever faced this decision yourself? You might "look at it" differently if you have.

+1 I have also been in these shoes and I learned quickly how hypocritical many "pro-choice" people are. Either you believe in women making their own choices based on their unique situation, or you don't.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I was one of those "pro-choice for other people, but I would never do it myself" people, until the prenatal test results came back. Things are VERY different when the decision turns from theoretical to reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I was one of those "pro-choice for other people, but I would never do it myself" people, until the prenatal test results came back. Things are VERY different when the decision turns from theoretical to reality.

Yes, the statistics are very interesting. 90% of women pregnant with Down Syndrome babies abort. Clearly, not 90% of all women are pro-choice. Fascinating to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I was one of those "pro-choice for other people, but I would never do it myself" people, until the prenatal test results came back. Things are VERY different when the decision turns from theoretical to reality.

Yes, the statistics are very interesting. 90% of women pregnant with Down Syndrome babies abort. Clearly, not 90% of all women are pro-choice. Fascinating to me.

Because people act in fear. They are pressured to abort. They are not given accurate information.

And since an abortion happens as a medical procedure, it seems clean and necessary and normal.

But if women exercised their control over their special needs children's lives after birth, by cutting them up into little pieces or severing their spinal cords, there would be obvious outrage.

Because this version of eugenics is hidden under the hospital drapes, it seems more ok. But it's the same action. A child is discovered to have special needs. She is rejected by her parents and society. And she is destroyed, either cut apart or torn apart.

Eugenics is only getting worse, not better.