14y old has been asking for a “Quincenera” (sp?) party since last year (at 13).

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Please spell everything right, OP. A few seconds of Googling would suffice.

I'm European, and in certain circles, we have debutante balls too. They originated to introduce young noble ladies of marriageable age to their Majesties, the court, and to eligible bachelors. Their families hoped to marry them off before their 20s.

So it's ball gown. Débutante (French, feminine, means "beginner", as in, starting out in the world).

You could rent a hotel ballroom, invite all her friends, tell them the theme is formal ball gown, and have a huge party, limos, photoshoot, mocktails, fancy food, etc. You could attach a specific historical period to it, or not. You could go SteamPunk Goth Victorian, or Elven, or whatever. Or just the Cinderella vibe she seems to want.

She's old enough to be aware of the costs of the event, and compare them to her future college expenses, car, etc. It all comes from the same pot, and you need to sensitize her to budgeting.

So she can have whatever party she wants, within your wallet's limitations. Débutante balls are a caucasian tradition from Europe, exported wherever Europeans migrated to. (The Spaniard Quinceanera is an off-shoot of that. Just don't call it that.)



Why? You don't control other people. Shut up.

[Anonymous]

Just literally call it her “Festa de 15 Anos” like we do in Brazil and you’ll be fine! Vc é cearense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think it would be a huge issue in theory to have one since you’re Latina but the issue is since you’re not from a country that does these you and your daughter aren’t embedded in the culture in a way that will create a real quince for her. Your friends and family don’t know or care about the traditions, they’ll just think it’s a birthday party, so the end result will not be what Hispanic girls who have quinces experience, which are a HUGE deal and entail special traditions. I don’t think it’s even problematic if you try to have one, I just don’t think it’ll be the same. Would be like someone trying to have a New Orleans first line after a funeral here, with people who had never heard of it and don’t get the meaning or tradition. Would probably fall flat.

See replies above from other Brazilians. It is done in her country but she is not familiar with them. I wonder why her DD is asking for this---friends? is she trying to connect with part of her culture? If I were OP, I would explore reasoning behind her DD's request.

If - as you put it - “she is not familiar,” then it is NOT her culture!

That means it is cultural appropriation. It only does she need to say no to DD, this is a teachable moment where she can educate her child about toxic cultural appropriation.

You’re being weird.

This is a huge thing in Brazil and it’s definitely part of Brazilian culture.

This would be like an American kid living abroad wanting to have a superbowl party and his parents saying that they never went to superbowl parties and whining about cultural appropriation if their kid has one.

If OP doesn’t want to throw a big fancy party for her kid, she should just say so. Trying to weasel out of it by crying cultural appropriation is gross.

[Anonymous]

A bunch of white people arguing about cultural appropriation is what I needed to start my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of white people arguing about cultural appropriation is what I needed to start my day.

(NP)

[Anonymous]

I think if it’s something you have to ask so many questions about, you probably shouldn’t have one. It would be weird. Offer another type of celebration for her 15th birthday.

Has she even been to a quince? Are any of her friends having one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of white people arguing about cultural appropriation is what I needed to start my day.

Pretty much…even after people of said culture have explained it’s not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of white people arguing about cultural appropriation is what I needed to start my day.

No, you need to educate yourself.

https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/06/28/533818685/cultural-appropriation-is-in-fact-indefensible

Do better !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her it’s cultural appropriation and she won’t be having one.

This. Give her a sweet 16 and a car instead.

[Anonymous]

Its a lot of money and headache, money should go towards something useful, college fund, car, laptop, starting a stock trade account.

[Anonymous]

A Quince celebrates that a Mexican girl is ready to be married. If you have never been to one, the girl wears something that looks like a wedding dress and has an escort that seems a lot like a groom and a "court" that looks a lot like a wedding party.

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of people saying it’s a Mexican custom but it is a Latin American custom since the days of the conquistadores. In the DC area we have a very large Salvadoran community which is why you see so many of these Quinceañera dresses at malls and Latin American stores in the area. I chose not to have one because it was going to be too expensive for my parents. I chose college over a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of white people arguing about cultural appropriation is what I needed to start my day.

No, you need to educate yourself.

https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/06/28/533818685/cultural-appropriation-is-in-fact-indefensible

Do better !

Way to misuse the term and the debate. Cultural appropriation is about not giving credit and grabbing opportunities from oppressed groups in art. How does it relate to a quinceañera? Could ir be silly? Yes. But in no way its cultural appropriation.

Signed- someone from a country that does quinceañeras.

[Anonymous]

Meu Deus do ceu! Isso e pq vc nunca deve perguntar americanos nada. Faz a festa pra ela e nao se preocupe com povão.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of white people arguing about cultural appropriation is what I needed to start my day.

It’s just as bad when a “wounded” party cries cultural appropriation over a hair style or an outfit. Enough foolishness especially from people born in this country. We’re a mixed culture. Stop trying to separate everyone.