How would you help a sibling who cannot handle things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No job and likely will not get one
Has kids
Divorced and ex-spouse doesn’t provide much in the way of support
Does not live around here (8+ hours drive from DC area)

Kind of at a loss as to how to help, especially for the sake of the kids.

Has sibling asked for help? If not, you stay out it and respect boundaries. If sibling has asked for help, what type of help?

[Anonymous]

Why are you taking this on? Does your sister blame you or your family for her poor decisions? I’m speaking from a situation I know where the mother blames her siblings and parents entirely for marrying a deadbeat because “nobody told me not to marry him.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No job and likely will not get one
Has kids
Divorced and ex-spouse doesn’t provide much in the way of support
Does not live around here (8+ hours drive from DC area)

Kind of at a loss as to how to help, especially for the sake of the kids.

Has sibling asked for help? If not, you stay out it and respect boundaries. If sibling has asked for help, what type of help?

She asks for money all of the time. Sometimes I provide specific things for the kids (school supplies, shoes, that kind of thing). But I want to help in a way that improves the conditions long-term. I am not in a position to provide entirely for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No job and likely will not get one
Has kids
Divorced and ex-spouse doesn’t provide much in the way of support
Does not live around here (8+ hours drive from DC area)

Kind of at a loss as to how to help, especially for the sake of the kids.

What does this mean? The ex doesn’t pay their court ordered child support or split the kid bills??

Does pay court ordered support. It just isn’t much. Certainly not enough for her and kids to live.

She needs to get a damn job.

Child support is not for HER living expenses, it’s for the kids’ clothes, activities, enrichment, partial living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No job and likely will not get one

Is not working just their preference? Or are they unable to work for some reason? I think there is a big difference between unwilling to work and unable to work. Either way, they way you've framed it ("likely will not get one") doesn't help move toward a solution.

Not clear to me. Totally able-bodied. No physical health issues. But has never been able to really handle much. Was very much babied. I am not sure if this was because she was not capable or if she has some learned incompetence since she never did anything. Either way, I am 99% sure there will be no real job.

Well then.


I assume they never had a neuropsych test or any mental disorders or learning disabilities to treat?

Not that I know about. Did well in school.

Great, then she can get a job and apply her knowledge and skills. And get paid for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you taking this on? Does your sister blame you or your family for her poor decisions? I’m speaking from a situation I know where the mother blames her siblings and parents entirely for marrying a deadbeat because “nobody told me not to marry him.”

Seems like the opposite situation here.

Wonder why they divorced..?..