My father has stopped contacting me

[Anonymous]

I love my dad. We've always had a very good relationship (not counting my teen years).
My parents divorced when I was 5. Dad has been remarried and divorced.
Since his last divorce over 15 years ago, he's gone a bit "girl crazy."
He cannot be without a woman. If he isn't with someone, he obsessively combs dating sites until he meets someone. He begins dating them, gets very serious (within weeks). I'm talking about moving in together, introducing them to his family, making 5 year plans. It is LITERALLY the only thing he talks about. He then begins finding faults with them after about 6 months because the excitement has fizzled out and he dumps them. The cycle then starts over.
Dad recently met a woman and within 2 weeks, he broke his lease and moved in with her.
He also loaned her $15,000. The weirdest part of all of this is that he has stopped all contact with my sister and I.
No calling, no email, no texting. He eventually will respond if we reach out. I've told him that I miss hearing from him and seeing him and he always promises to call more. He never does. He has never done that. He doesn't even call or visit his two grandsons anymore. He loves these boys more than anything.
What the heck do we do? Do we just leave him alone?
I miss my dad and am completely confused.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. It sounds like he's a love addict, if that makes sense. Always looking for the high of a new relationship. The only advice I can offer is to try not to take it personally, because it's not about you. I'm sorry again.

[Anonymous]

Early dementia?

[Anonymous]

Might want to check on him in case he is in an abusive relationship or a cult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early dementia?

No. He's 59. No dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might want to check on him in case he is in an abusive relationship or a cult.

I have no way of finding out. He doesn't want to get together and I don't even know where he lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early dementia?

No. He's 59. No dementia.

My MIL was 59 when her dementia started being noticable.

[Anonymous]

you can have dementia in your 50's or younger....

[Anonymous]

If he has never done this before - just stopped contact. I would be worried about him. Try and find out more about him. Does he work? Does he have siblings/parents who might be in touch with him? A circle of friends?

Get in touch with someone who knows him and express your concern that your dad has vanished and isn't making contact and you are worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you can have dementia in your 50's or younger....

I understand that. My dad has no signs of dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has never done this before - just stopped contact. I would be worried about him. Try and find out more about him. Does he work? Does he have siblings/parents who might be in touch with him? A circle of friends?

Get in touch with someone who knows him and express your concern that your dad has vanished and isn't making contact and you are worried.

He hasn't really vanished though.
He just seems to be really sucked into this new relationship, so much so that he isn't contacting his family anymore.
It's still possible to reach him. He just doesn't reach out go to us anymore. He doesn't seek contact.
Not sure what to do about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has never done this before - just stopped contact. I would be worried about him. Try and find out more about him. Does he work? Does he have siblings/parents who might be in touch with him? A circle of friends?

Get in touch with someone who knows him and express your concern that your dad has vanished and isn't making contact and you are worried.

He hasn't really vanished though.
He just seems to be really sucked into this new relationship, so much so that he isn't contacting his family anymore.
It's still possible to reach him. He just doesn't reach out go to us anymore. He doesn't seek contact.
Not sure what to do about that.

He has pussy hypnotism. Some guys are like that. They just get mesmerized by a new relationship and lose all contact with the rest of the world. Didn't you have any friends like that in college?

Wait. Keep contacting him. Eventually the new relationship energy will wear off and he will be able to think about other people again.

[Anonymous]

So does he work? If so go to his work and talk to him
Does he have parents/siblings? Call them and see if they are in contact or if they know why he won't contact you anymore.

Be a little more proactive. Maybe it isn't the relationship and if that is your entire focus you are missing the real reason. Maybe he is ill and doesn't want to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So does he work? If so go to his work and talk to him
Does he have parents/siblings? Call them and see if they are in contact or if they know why he won't contact you anymore.

Be a little more proactive. Maybe it isn't the relationship and if that is your entire focus you are missing the real reason. Maybe he is ill and doesn't want to tell you.

He's retired. He talks to my aunt and grandmother occasionally but he's calling them less than he used to.
He's not ill. He's obsessed with his relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP, your last sentence is "I'm completely confused." No you're not. He is behaving exactly as he as always has. There is nothing different or new about this behavior.

If I were you, I'd get into therapy to figure out how to reconcile the fact that your dad has never and will never put you first in his life. That is a sad, painful reality that must be dealt with head on. As others have said, he is addicted to relationships. It's no different than having an alcoholic father. The addiction comes before all else. You would probably get a lot out of attending an Al-Anon group because you would be around people in situations the same as yours---dealing with a loved one who puts their addiction before family.