Why shouldn't I call the bully's parents?

[Anonymous]

This girl is being extremely mean to dd. She followed dd around all day just to say mean things to her. dd tried to ignore her but there's so much a person can take.

I talked to the teacher today and the teacher mentioned this girl's name before I even told her who the bully was.

I researched bullying and all the advice said not to contact the bully's parents. Why? I can't see things getting worse from it is now. The school can't expel this girl. The principal had talked to this girl multiple times because she harassed another boy last month. Nothing seems to help.

[Anonymous]

These books you read, surely they gave a reason for advising you not to contact the parents. What was it?

[Anonymous]

OP: It's online articles about bullying. The main reason was that bullying is likely a learned behavior and the bully learned it from the parents.

However, I met this girl's mother before and she seems normal enough. I am not sure she is aware of the behavior or the extent of the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Because it's unlikely to be useful. (And things can always get worse!)

Is your DD in private school or public? If in public, in which school system?

[Anonymous]

How do you think contacting them will help?They will surely be defensive, possibly even aggressive towards you as you are accusing their snowflake of poor behavior.

Do you really think they will apologize profusely or be willing to make their kid behave better?

[Anonymous]

OP: Public. We are in southern part of Virginia, about 3 hours away from metro DC.

[Anonymous]

I guess the question you have ask yourself is what, exactly, do you hope to achieve by doing this? If you're motivated by trying to get the other child punished, that's probably not the right reason. If you genuinely believe the parents might put a stop to it, fine. We once called out a child to her parents, but they were rational enough to consider the possibility that their precious little snowflake could, in fact, be imperfect. And the child, for all her misbehavior at school, at least owned up to the behavior under questioning from her mother, so we had a decent outcome. I have a feeling our experience is rare, however.

[Anonymous]

OP: 09:43, I am hoping the parents will stop the bullying and yes, make the girl behave like a normal human being.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Stand up for your daughter. Call the parents, call the school. Let other parents know of this girl's behavior. She is the one with the problem and make sure other people view her as a problem and act on it.

[Anonymous]

OP, if I were you, I would try to find out what the established procedures and policies are for your school system, and then hold the principal to them, citing chapter and verse.

Of course it's possible that calling the parents might get them to put a stop to it. But it's more likely that it will just lead to a shouting match and people losing their tempers and saying awful things. Especially if you tell them, when you call them, "Please stop the bullying and make your daughter behave like a normal human being."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Public. We are in southern part of Virginia, about 3 hours away from metro DC.

Why are you on DC Urban Moms?! You aren't DC or urban.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why are you on DC Urban Moms?! You aren't DC or urban.

OP: Take your drama somewhere else please. I am trying to get some advice from the good people on here. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Public. We are in southern part of Virginia, about 3 hours away from metro DC.

Why are you on DC Urban Moms?! You aren't DC or urban.

STFU - she is posting about things that would be relevant anywhere - even in DC and urban areas.

[Anonymous]

OP, you probably shouldn't call the parents because it's true that this behavior is most likely learned at home. Which means that the parents are likely to be defensive and lash out at you or get angry and lash out at their daughter. Either way, unless you have a relationship with them and absolutely know what goes on in their home I wouldn't start there. If the problems are at school, raise them with the teacher, ask what the teacher's plan will be, give it a week to work, and then bring it to the principal. If the problem persists, they will bring the parents into it.

It's close to the end of the school year, so if you only see this girl at school I would focus on your daughter. You and her teacher should agree on what you expect her to do when the other girl bothers her, communicate it to your daughter, and make sure she knows that this is what the teacher expects her to do. Then just work on it for now and let it be over the summer.

[Anonymous]

OP: Thank you 10:20 and 10:44.

The guidance counselor has one strategy, ignore. That's clearly not working.

Is it okay to call the bully out then? What if dd just asked the bully in front of the everyone why she's being so mean? I think the bully needs to be put on the spot and think about her actions.