Guy's opinion - Why guys go radio silent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you said HE initiated the conversation of "Where is this going"? If so, I would give him ONE more chance. I would tell him, if it's accurate: "You say you like me and want to continue to see me, but I am getting mixed signals from you. I find it strange that you go for extended periods of time not responding to my texts, or generally being unreachable. This makes me feel that either you are not interested, or perhaps you are seeing someone else."

And see what he says. No harm in just asking. You can still move on after you get his answer.

Good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you said HE initiated the conversation of "Where is this going"? If so, I would give him ONE more chance. I would tell him, if it's accurate: "You say you like me and want to continue to see me, but I am getting mixed signals from you. I find it strange that you go for extended periods of time not responding to my texts, or generally being unreachable. This makes me feel that either you are not interested, or perhaps you are seeing someone else."

And see what he says. No harm in just asking. You can still move on after you get his answer.

Good idea.

Terrible idea! Terrible, terrible idea. Under these circumstances, what is the point of the follow up? He knows you like him and want more. If he is making it clear that he doesn't want more (than a physical relationship), and probably wants less, this just comes off as desperate. Appearing desperate would only increase his desire to pull away, and decrease any chance that he would ever recognize that he was losing something good.

He is not giving mixed signals. The only signal he has given is that he likes having a physical relationship. The signals you mentioned have all been pretty consistent in this way. The talk about a tropical vacation is consistent with this too. He initiated the talk about "where this is going" to take your temperature, not to change things.

Keep this in mind. Each day he chooses not to change things by not texting and by not pursuing. These are active choices. If you think actions speak louder than words, why ask for more words when you have seen plenty of his actions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you said HE initiated the conversation of "Where is this going"? If so, I would give him ONE more chance. I would tell him, if it's accurate: "You say you like me and want to continue to see me, but I am getting mixed signals from you. I find it strange that you go for extended periods of time not responding to my texts, or generally being unreachable. This makes me feel that either you are not interested, or perhaps you are seeing someone else."

And see what he says. No harm in just asking. You can still move on after you get his answer.

Good idea.

Terrible idea! Terrible, terrible idea. Under these circumstances, what is the point of the follow up? He knows you like him and want more. If he is making it clear that he doesn't want more (than a physical relationship), and probably wants less, this just comes off as desperate. Appearing desperate would only increase his desire to pull away, and decrease any chance that he would ever recognize that he was losing something good.

He is not giving mixed signals. The only signal he has given is that he likes having a physical relationship. The signals you mentioned have all been pretty consistent in this way. The talk about a tropical vacation is consistent with this too. He initiated the talk about "where this is going" to take your temperature, not to change things.

Keep this in mind. Each day he chooses not to change things by not texting and by not pursuing. These are active choices. If you think actions speak louder than words, why ask for more words when you have seen plenty of his actions?

Ugh, this line of thinking always annoys me. There is nothing at all "desperate" about direct communication. Say what you want, see if the other party wants the same, and if not, nice knowing you, see you later.

To me that's a lot less "desperate" than waiting by the phone, analyzing the wording of every text, but not actually COMMUNICATING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you said HE initiated the conversation of "Where is this going"? If so, I would give him ONE more chance. I would tell him, if it's accurate: "You say you like me and want to continue to see me, but I am getting mixed signals from you. I find it strange that you go for extended periods of time not responding to my texts, or generally being unreachable. This makes me feel that either you are not interested, or perhaps you are seeing someone else."

And see what he says. No harm in just asking. You can still move on after you get his answer.

Good idea.

Terrible idea! Terrible, terrible idea. Under these circumstances, what is the point of the follow up? He knows you like him and want more. If he is making it clear that he doesn't want more (than a physical relationship), and probably wants less, this just comes off as desperate. Appearing desperate would only increase his desire to pull away, and decrease any chance that he would ever recognize that he was losing something good.

He is not giving mixed signals. The only signal he has given is that he likes having a physical relationship. The signals you mentioned have all been pretty consistent in this way. The talk about a tropical vacation is consistent with this too. He initiated the talk about "where this is going" to take your temperature, not to change things.

Keep this in mind. Each day he chooses not to change things by not texting and by not pursuing. These are active choices. If you think actions speak louder than words, why ask for more words when you have seen plenty of his actions?

Ugh, this line of thinking always annoys me. There is nothing at all "desperate" about direct communication. Say what you want, see if the other party wants the same, and if not, nice knowing you, see you later.

To me that's a lot less "desperate" than waiting by the phone, analyzing the wording of every text, but not actually COMMUNICATING.

She has already told him that she wants to spend more time with him and made herself available to him. She has already said what she wanted. As she stated, she has already "hunted." He has failed to respond, and disappeared for periods of time, ignored texts, etc. They have both directly communicated - her in words, he in action.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there OP! You've said yourself, you're coming off a bad relationship and at least you figured this one out sooner rather than later. Protect yourself and move on to the next one. I've been where you are, many, many times -- been at this a few years post-divorce. It sucks! But you have to be hopeful and just keep lines of communication open. If he's the right guy for you, you won't have these constant doubts.

I second the Mars and Venus on a Date recommendation. I need to re-read it myself, but it's pretty straightforward and does explain the "radio silence" thing. There is going to be some trial and error for you -- as has been the case with me. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

"He's constantly making references to doing things together, one night he was suggesting we go away on a tropical vacation together, etc etc."

Good rule of thumb, speaking as a woman in the dating scene, is to completely ignore the import of these types of statements unless you've been together at least 3 months, have agreed to date exclusively, and his actions show that he'll follow through.

And there is absolutely nothing desperate about having the conversation suggested above - he's the one playing the mixed signal game. At the very least, it will give you good practice in communicating in future relationships.

But honestly, doesn't sound like you'll get the chance.

[Anonymous]

Human beings sometimes have miscommunications.

OP what do you have to lose? You are considering washing your hands of the relationship. So why not communciate one last time? You can still wash your hands of the relationship.

Are you going to avoid a conversation just to avoid humiliation? Are you in fifth grade?

Just ask him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Human beings sometimes have miscommunications.

OP what do you have to lose? You are considering washing your hands of the relationship. So why not communciate one last time? You can still wash your hands of the relationship.

Are you going to avoid a conversation just to avoid humiliation? Are you in fifth grade?

Just ask him.

1) I wouldn't say this is a "relationship" of any magnitude given I have known him for literally 30+ days
2) I'm not avoiding any conversations...he hasn't communicated with ME in almost a week now, despite me having sent him the last couple of messages
3) Yes if the situation was different where "humiliation" might be an actual factor I might avoid such a conversation...

sheesh ^ ridiculous.

Truth is I don't see much of a point in engaging the conversation unless I'm in dire need of being hit over the head with being told that he's not interested in me. And given his lack of communication thus far I'm sure that would not be a conversation that would go very well...

Many have posted that I should "ask him" what's up and others that I cut and run. I sit somewhere in the middle. I've been in enough relationships to know when a guy isn't interested. Not communicating is the first tell-tell sign, hence why I am hyper sensitive to this aspect of male behavior (though of course women do the same, I myself have done the same at different points). The point of my post is that his behavior is so hot and cold that I don't know where I stand. One or two posters suggested that him taking a pulse of our situation was more to determine if we are in the FWB zone or heading to the relationship zone. Interesting take. As an optimist I didn't really factor this so I appreciate the perspective guys. I'm being cautious also because I don't know what I want exactly, other than to get to know him better. I didn't know that would send the guy running for the hills. We communicated all the next week after that talk but didn't see one another and then like clockwork comes the weekend.

He has done this before. AND I talked to him about it (in person) letting him know I was kind of sensitive about his hot and cold behavior. He admitted he does this sometimes, said he was sorry..., and appreciated that I "called him out on it" (his words). YET, here we are again. Since the first time he hasn't done it on this scale.

I have little doubt that I might eventually hear from him again. But the majority of folks who posted here are right - plain and simple - he likes the sex and the physical and he's not interested in anything beyond that, with me. Shame he didn't really give it a chance, I'm a pretty decent catch.

<sigh>

[Anonymous]

OP, don't be his booty call. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

I will say it clearly. If someone wants to find the time to call or reach out, he will. Even if its a two minute call or a short text, he will be sure he makes the time if its important enough.

If he is not responding to your calls/texts over a few days to me, personally I would totally back off. That might just be me.

Have you ever come out and asked him. "Did you get my message or text" I was surprised I didn't hear from you. First its rude and doesn't seem to align with his behavior the rest of the week so its odd. Are you sure he isn't with someone else? That's the only thing that could explain it.

[Anonymous]

he's married

[Anonymous]

"He's constantly making references to doing things together, one night he was suggesting we go away on a tropical vacation together, etc etc."


Can't tell you how many times guys have fed me this line about going on a trip, blah, blah, blah.

[Anonymous]

No talk for 1+ week? Yeah, you're a booty call. Hope he was well-hung and you enjoyed the orgasms.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you ever been to his house/apt?

[Anonymous]

a good rule: when a mature man is interested in a relationship, he will pursue you in a normal--eg progressive--way. Not way too much too fast, but also not on/off on/off. If he does not, then he's not interested enough, mature enough, or his attentiosn are divided.

If you're equally interested, you respond to the approaches, but not to the extent that the chase is far too eay--you don't want to lay yourself bare (physically, emotionally, etc) on the 3rd date either.

If someone is consistently unavailable even by text, then he is likley with another woman (or man). (In your case, I suspect it--he sees someone on the weekends, perhaps even has a totally different cellphone).