I am paralyzingly cheap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with not spending money. Blowing money doesn't actually tend to make anyone happy. Just enjoy the company of your friends and family. A new haircut or shirt will be shiny for fifteen minutes.

Actually a good haircut can go a long way towards improving a person's self-esteem. I think it's a good investment. Clothes can do the same but you can often get away with spending less (i.e. you don't need a whole new outfit, just a shirt). If OP's self-esteem is suffering (as it must be b/c her DH is embarassed and she's on DCUM talking about it), then she needs to think of some of these purchases as investments in herself that are much, much cheaper than therapy (to paraphrase another PP).

I guess my rebuttal would be that if you are basing your self esteem off of a haircut or a shirt, your priorities are likely skewed a bit. That seems more like grounds for seeking help of some kind.

[Anonymous]

My friend left his wife for this very reason. He did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's European grandparents lived through WWII in an occupied country, and they became incredibly frugal and hoarders because they had lived through such a horrible ordeal. It was painful for us to watch as they aged, never allowing themselves to enjoy themselves or take,care of themselves.

If you have children I beg you for them get help and into therapy. Ask yourself, would you want your child to live like that? Because that is what you are teaching them. Pay the co pay and go!

Agree, but also would point out that your children could react in the opposite direction and spent money wildly and irresponsibly to counter the deprivation they witness with you. The point is, they need to be raised with a balanced, responsible approach to money, one in which money isn't treated as some overvalued symbolic currency that you use to deal with other issues.

My mother was extremely frugal as a result of traumatic poverty during her childhood. My sister feels guilty if she buys a pineapple at the grocery store, and I always spent money I didn't have on clothes and accessories so I didn't look like the kid with the cheapest clothes.

[Anonymous]

OP get yourself some CBT. It is worth every penny. It can really help you. There are CBT workbooks that may also help but you are much better off facing this head on with a therapist. They will teach you how to tolerate the anxiety that you experience when you are about to spend, and handle all the cognitive baggage that plagues you in those times.

Your husband is sending you a very clear message. He wants a wife who takes care of herself and looks like it. If you think a haircut is expensive, inform yourself how much a divorce costs. Or marital therapy.

You are wise to be seeking help for this here and beyond. Is it also a matter of not wanting to take the time, or not planning well? I have these issues and am not looking too good myself right now. I also prefer grungy clothes to looking more polished and love second hand. Why don't you identify some cheaper stores so you can practice buying yourself some clothes but not getting sticker shock--maybe something like H&M. Good luck!