DCUM in the Washington City Paper

[Anonymous]

She obviously missed the threads on struggling with a pregnancy with a new relationship (and the pages of support that woman got).

Typical reporter, go for the negative story. Much more fun. She fits right in on flame wars.

[Anonymous]

I have to say that while I've read lots and lots of the flame-thread fests, I've actually felt supported through DCUM. I am LIVID and through all my updates I recieved some very sound advice as well as support. I posted several update threads and every time there were lots of people chiming in with support and "thank yous." I even made a friend who I met through my posting. We email and meet every other month or so for lunch.

I've also found that the tenor of things around here varies by area. I haven't seen too much flaming on the TTC thread, which is where I still am. I think that in order to really get a good feel for this place, you need more time and to read all kinds of posts. I think that most around here are generally helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not much that's new here -- a cheap and easy shot. Sure, there are threads that devolve into crazy, nasty, pointless, repetitive and profane slugfests (and some that start that way), but there are also funny, heartfelt, smart, earnest and remarkably civil exchanges among total strangers -- that's pretty remarkable. In this regard, Jeff, I think you're cutting the author way too much slack; in a month of perusing DCUM, she must have seen some of the better angels of our collective nature -- and, indeed, she acknowledged this in one sentence early on before going on to recount in lurid -- though not particularly insightful -- detail the worse of DCUM.

At bottom, though, I'm wondering what's so bad about trying to be a good parent -- not dissing you, Adequate Parent, or your fans, just saying that most of us, even when we know we can't be at our best as parents all the time, aspire to do a good job at this child-rearing gig at least, say, 80% of the time. If DCUM helps us to do that -- by providing a perspective on the many different ways of being a good parent (or "good-enough" parent, if that makes you feel less anxious), by providing an occasional laugh at ourselves and the impossibiy high standards we set for our families, and by providing a forum where you can ask for advice from others traveling down the same road, what's so outrageously shocking and bad about that? And, while you're pondering that, DCUMs (and DCUDs), just what's so bad about peace, love and understanding?

There's nothing wrong with that but I think you're looking at DCUM through rose colored glasses. It would be interesting for a someone with too much time on their hands (or looking for a paper topic) to pick a one month period, count the posts of General Parenting/Schools and see of X number of threads, how many judgmental/flame posts occur. Since I haven't done it, I can't say how often that happens but it seems to me that it happens an extraordinary amount of times. People may post looking for other perspectives but responders give them that and a whole lot more. It can be very off-putting even when you know those responders have 'issues' unrelated to what you were asking. As with feedback, unless you're getting at least five positive responses for every negative one, it feels like the negatives outweigh the positives - that and the pretentiousness and absurdity flavors many of the Forums.

[Anonymous]

I think when you're a parent you're suddenly thrown into this huge pool of people you may not have much in common with and would not interact with otherwise (schools, parks, DCUM) and that is one element that the author hasn't experienced yet. Being anonymous means people can post those differences of style, opinion, parenting with total freedom. I like it.

Also, the City Paper is totally negative. That's what they are all about.

[Anonymous]

I noticed the stroller error right away.

She didn't appear to delve into the DCPS/charter schools forum (other VA or MD forums). This is where I spend most of my time. I don't know another resource that has as much info on DC public and charter schools from real parents.

However, I do wish that anonymous posting weren't so prevalent. I'm active in another parenting forum where anonymous posting isn't allowed and it's much, much kinder and gentler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Also, the City Paper is totally negative. That's what they are all about.

clearly you don't read the City Paper.

[Anonymous]

"Those of you who are already poised to respond that I am self-righteous and full of crap and hate breastfeeding and bunnies and mothers generally and have a stupid blog and must not have any work and am a lousy lay (au contraire!) and annoy the friggin shit out of you and should die a long slow death by laptop electrocution and am making this unbearable post even longer, I double dog dare you to do it with a log-in identity. I triple-dog dare you to comment only with that identity for the next month. "

You left out crashing bore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Also, the City Paper is totally negative. That's what they are all about.

clearly you don't read the City Paper.

Clearly you are too steeped in negativity to even see it even more. This is from the City Paper's guide for freelance writers:

What is the City Paper Looking for?
The best way to answer that question is to read our paper every week. You'll find that we gravitate toward stories about the city and its surroundings, and we prefer to write narratives with a conflict of some sort at the center.

[Anonymous]

AdequateParent wrote:Adequate Parent here.

A couple of observations about the article and the comments about my role in it.

1) Thanks folks who like the blog. I tried to hang it up a month ago, and got a bunch of really nice email from people who wanted their weekly laugh from me. Many of them were DCUM refugees or lurkers.

2) I hope it's clear from my own writings that "good enough" does not mean not trying. Look up "adequate." All parents know that you can't be a good enough parent if you phone it in. I have standards; i killing yourself to pump that last half ounce of breast milk while dealing with PPD and a conference call is not among them.

3) I liked the article. Not just because she used my masturbation and Taco Bell line, which makes me immensely proud. I am basically a 12-year-old boy in a 36C bra (that fits) so the day I get quoted saying masturbation in a small newspaper is a proud day for me. I used to get to say "sodomy" on TV a lot before I hung up my sassy LGBT civil rights lobbyist suit. It's like coming home. I said "coming."

I liked the article because it reported on the newsworthy side of DCUM. The good and supportive side is not news. The average 26-year-old City Paper reader is looking for man-bites-dog stories and kind and nurturing women supporting one another does not qualify. Obsessing over one's virtues and others' deficiencies does.

4) I believe that DCUM would be a more supportive (but less deliciously fun) place if people had to create identities. We don't need anonymity for "anybody know where to get a used Maclaren" or "good playgrounds near Dupont" unless we want to trash people and things without looking like the jerks we are being. If necessary, there could be a "privacy" forum for topics that you could barely discuss with your best friend-- divorce, serious illness, abuse (call the authorities!). We could all take a pledge not to snark in that forum and to maintain anonymity only for those exceptionally sensitive topics. I suspect that for many people, giving up the bloodbaths would be tough and readership would go down. Maybe an anonymous snark-tastic forum separate from GP would help.


Those of you who are already poised to respond that I am self-righteous and full of crap and hate breastfeeding and bunnies and mothers generally and have a stupid blog and must not have any work and am a lousy lay (au contraire!) and annoy the friggin shit out of you and should die a long slow death by laptop electrocution and am making this unbearable post even longer, I double dog dare you to do it with a log-in identity. I triple-dog dare you to comment only with that identity for the next month.

Peace

I'm taking you up on the challenge AP. I've been meaning to create a log-in for a while, mostly because I'm tired of identifying myself as "poster 9:04". Here goes nothing....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

AdequateParent wrote:Adequate Parent here.

A couple of observations about the article and the comments about my role in it.

1) Thanks folks who like the blog. I tried to hang it up a month ago, and got a bunch of really nice email from people who wanted their weekly laugh from me. Many of them were DCUM refugees or lurkers.

2) I hope it's clear from my own writings that "good enough" does not mean not trying. Look up "adequate." All parents know that you can't be a good enough parent if you phone it in. I have standards; i killing yourself to pump that last half ounce of breast milk while dealing with PPD and a conference call is not among them.

3) I liked the article. Not just because she used my masturbation and Taco Bell line, which makes me immensely proud. I am basically a 12-year-old boy in a 36C bra (that fits) so the day I get quoted saying masturbation in a small newspaper is a proud day for me. I used to get to say "sodomy" on TV a lot before I hung up my sassy LGBT civil rights lobbyist suit. It's like coming home. I said "coming."

I liked the article because it reported on the newsworthy side of DCUM. The good and supportive side is not news. The average 26-year-old City Paper reader is looking for man-bites-dog stories and kind and nurturing women supporting one another does not qualify. Obsessing over one's virtues and others' deficiencies does.

4) I believe that DCUM would be a more supportive (but less deliciously fun) place if people had to create identities. We don't need anonymity for "anybody know where to get a used Maclaren" or "good playgrounds near Dupont" unless we want to trash people and things without looking like the jerks we are being. If necessary, there could be a "privacy" forum for topics that you could barely discuss with your best friend-- divorce, serious illness, abuse (call the authorities!). We could all take a pledge not to snark in that forum and to maintain anonymity only for those exceptionally sensitive topics. I suspect that for many people, giving up the bloodbaths would be tough and readership would go down. Maybe an anonymous snark-tastic forum separate from GP would help.


Those of you who are already poised to respond that I am self-righteous and full of crap and hate breastfeeding and bunnies and mothers generally and have a stupid blog and must not have any work and am a lousy lay (au contraire!) and annoy the friggin shit out of you and should die a long slow death by laptop electrocution and am making this unbearable post even longer, I double dog dare you to do it with a log-in identity. I triple-dog dare you to comment only with that identity for the next month.

Peace

I'm taking you up on the challenge AP. I've been meaning to create a log-in for a while, mostly because I'm tired of identifying myself as "poster 9:04". Here goes nothing....

PP again. UGH! I totally messed that up. Ok, I'm still working on getting my login. DOH!

[jsteele]

This is starting to veer off-topic but I'd like to address the issue of anonymous postings since it keeps coming up. I am involved in a lot of discussion forums and have been involved in Internet-based discussions for over 20 years. It is my strongly-held belief that the nature of DCUM discussions has little to do with the anonymous posting, and a lot to do with the number of users.

The WCP article said that we have around 8,000 daily users. That is a pretty good estimate of the number of unique users per day. But, not every user comes every day. Over the course of a month, we have nearly 200,000 unique users. But, over 40% of those users are drive-bys that we never hear from again. My guess is that we have about 80,000 regular users. That is a pretty large number of people.

I don't use UrbanBaby or BabyCenter, but the impression that I get is that their forums are not a whole lot nicer (someone correct me if I'm wrong). I believe there are two ways to keep forums polite: 1) remain small; or 2) moderate like crazy. Yes, Podunk Rural Moms can be a nice place with it's 20 registered users. And, a place that employs a staff to constantly review and remove messages can also keep a polite tone. But, to me, both are boring and uninteresting.

If we required usernames, the administrative workload would go up monumentally. We just don't have the capacity for it. In addition, usage of the website would plummet. Probably, DCUM would be a very nice place for a while, as a result of having almost no users. The cost-benefit of such an arrangement is just not there from my point of view.

Moreover, there is no shortage of competitive sites that require logins. There is one site backed by a major media company that is able to advertise on television and radio. If requiring logins automatically leads to better discussions, with that type of financial-backing, they should have wiped the floor with us. They haven't.

I don't see a reason to change our practice of anonymous posting. The one thing that might motivate it, and even that would require much more desperate circumstances, is the spambots. They have been particularly bad since yesterday. But, even they login fairly often and would not be stopped by such a change (just slowed down).

[Anonymous]

How many people actually post? And is there a core group who post regularly?

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:How many people actually post? And is there a core group who post regularly?

I don't know and I think so are the two -- probably unsatisfactory -- answers to your questions.

[jsteele]

AdequateParent wrote:Also, you said "not every user comes every day."

But, some users come multiple times per day.

[Anonymous]

AdequateParent wrote:Jeff-- I found your post helpful. Truth be told, my adequate hobby would not be as interesting without the anonymous freak show. It would be nice if there were some other way. I am borderline Amish and have a webmaster so I have no clue what goes into this.

Also, you said "not every user comes every day."

You are borderline Amish? Then you may join my club, making it a club of three. I once had to knock on a stranger's door for help when my car broke down in front of her house and I didn't have a cell phone. Luckily for me, she was a SAHM. We had absolutely nothing in common and made polite, uncomfortable chit chat waiting for the tow truck until I told her I was secretly Amish. Her jaw dropped. Instead of further alienating us, though, she said, "ME TOO! I've only told my sister and SHE THINKS I'M CRAZY!!" We swore we would keep in touch but never did. Sigh. I know she is out there somewhere, tho. And now there is you! I'd love to come over and give you the secret hair cut with my dull sheers. Where do you live?