So sad for my son

[Anonymous]

There are so many teams. If your child enjoys playing, look for another. My boys played soccer and baseball at a range of levels. Some teams were good fits and some weren’t. One of the things I look for is a healthy social environment. Kids supporting one another and nobody playing the blame game. And no parent coaching. That’s always a sticky situation. Even on the most supportive teams, there are always kids who will group off. My son is the only one on his team from his HS and actually it’s been that way for almost every team he’s played on. That means the other kids carpool together and celebrate occasions together. They also hang out on weekends together. He is ok with that. But what we wouldn’t tolerate is mean behavior. That’s a sign it’s time to move on. It might not feel like there are good options but if you look hard enough you can find one where he will be welcomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the age where sports begin to get competitive, grade six. My son loves his particular sport and is good at it but is not apparently part of the "cool" clique of kids who also play, who are exceptionally good. He is not being played as often by the coach (who is, apparently the parent of a "cool" kid), has been told by other players that he doesn't deserve to be on the team, isn't getting the ball as much, et cetera. Basically he feels excluded by a sport he enjoys and kids who are nicer/don't trash talk do not play the sport, so he is left either playing alone or participating on a team where he feels unwelcome. And it is past the age where everyone has to get "along." Over break son found out a bunch of kids from the team went to a certain camp, he also went, they all carpooled and he ended up coming home in tears because they trash talked him. But it seems too old for a parent to step in (not to mention would raise the ire of the kids). Any advice on how to handle this sports trash talk and clique-ness?

It sounds like he needs to toughen up.

Rec ball is perfect for some kids. Look around for leagues with his caliber of play.

The school team kids also play rec. And he's good! He's just not part of the cool guys.

If he were really good, the coach would be playing him. I wonder about your objectivity given your thoughts about the coach playing clique and being a "cool kid" parent. A certain amount of rough-housing, and that includes "trash talk," is part of boys' (and eventually mens') sports. It's definitely obnoxious, but it is part of how they bond. If your kid doesn't like it, perhaps he should find some other activity.

No, this isn't the norm, nor is it acceptable. I hope you expect better from life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the age where sports begin to get competitive, grade six. My son loves his particular sport and is good at it but is not apparently part of the "cool" clique of kids who also play, who are exceptionally good. He is not being played as often by the coach (who is, apparently the parent of a "cool" kid), has been told by other players that he doesn't deserve to be on the team, isn't getting the ball as much, et cetera. Basically he feels excluded by a sport he enjoys and kids who are nicer/don't trash talk do not play the sport, so he is left either playing alone or participating on a team where he feels unwelcome. And it is past the age where everyone has to get "along." Over break son found out a bunch of kids from the team went to a certain camp, he also went, they all carpooled and he ended up coming home in tears because they trash talked him. But it seems too old for a parent to step in (not to mention would raise the ire of the kids). Any advice on how to handle this sports trash talk and clique-ness?

It sounds like he needs to toughen up.

Rec ball is perfect for some kids. Look around for leagues with his caliber of play.

The school team kids also play rec. And he's good! He's just not part of the cool guys.

If he were really good, the coach would be playing him. I wonder about your objectivity given your thoughts about the coach playing clique and being a "cool kid" parent. A certain amount of rough-housing, and that includes "trash talk," is part of boys' (and eventually mens') sports. It's definitely obnoxious, but it is part of how they bond. If your kid doesn't like it, perhaps he should find some other activity.

You do know parents play favorites when they coach kids' sports, right? Being obnoxious is not how boys "bond." Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Similar thing happened to my son, but the coach did not tolerate bullying. The coach in your situation seems to be part of the problem, so I'd move teams.

[Anonymous]

Report them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the age where sports begin to get competitive, grade six. My son loves his particular sport and is good at it but is not apparently part of the "cool" clique of kids who also play, who are exceptionally good. He is not being played as often by the coach (who is, apparently the parent of a "cool" kid), has been told by other players that he doesn't deserve to be on the team, isn't getting the ball as much, et cetera. Basically he feels excluded by a sport he enjoys and kids who are nicer/don't trash talk do not play the sport, so he is left either playing alone or participating on a team where he feels unwelcome. And it is past the age where everyone has to get "along." Over break son found out a bunch of kids from the team went to a certain camp, he also went, they all carpooled and he ended up coming home in tears because they trash talked him. But it seems too old for a parent to step in (not to mention would raise the ire of the kids). Any advice on how to handle this sports trash talk and clique-ness?

1. It's not okay but perhaps you can't do anything about it.
2. Sadly this might just be a teaching moment. Some kids suck at times, and you can't take it personally, find better friends.
3. Parent coaches are the worst.
4. Middle school sucks, some kids hit puberty early and think they are great at sports when in actuality they just have more testosterone.
5. Kids, people... need to learn how to handle trash talk, sadly it's just another skill, does he have an older cousin or neighbor if your H can't teach him.
6. My son went through something similar, it sucked but he is the only one from that former team playing in college, so it's not really about ability all the time. Sometimes coaches suck, sometimes kids suck... guess what that will also happen in HS and college and at work and with your neighbors. It's a good time to find ways to ignore, walk away, deflect... but often (like a job) you can't just quit.
7. You could approach the coach but he is also a parent, perhaps he has a heart, perhaps not.
8. Not every "cool kid" is a jerk, perhaps there is someone on the inside who can be a friend and buffer the jerks.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. BTDT. This is a tough age and baseball is one of the worst sports for this type of behavior IME. I have 2 DS who play (one in high school, one in 8th). A dad should not be coaching the middle school team ugh.

1) Baseball is super cliquey, especially around this age. Both among the kids and among the parents/families. There is a small group of dads who “runs things” I guarantee you- and they are probably jerks (9 times out of 10). However - do your best to become friendly with them & their wives (in a non creepy way lol). If your DH can become casually friendly with them- that would be the most helpful of all. Ridiculous? 100%. But it is the truth and some times you have to take one for the team. These parents know full well that their boys are leaving your son out & being mean, and they don’t care. They are more likely to tell their boys to lay off if they are friendly with you and if your family seems “part of the group” the boys pick up on that.

2) The good news is the dad coaching should be ending soon. Look for a good travel team for your son for next year. If your DS doesn’t make much social progress with this group of kids, obviously make sure not to follow them to a team. Go elsewhere but stay on good terms with the parents if the boys will continue to be at the same school- you’ll be seeing each other again soon if your son continues to play.

3) Make sure your DS isn’t being oversensitive and giving a big reaction to things the boys say…there is a LOT of ribbing and teasing at this age (that sounds terrible to us as adults but isn’t intended to be) even if the boys are friends.

[Anonymous]

I would put him on a travel team, have him work to get even better and then come back in a couple of years to kill it on his HS team. New coach and the mean kids can eat his dust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the age where sports begin to get competitive, grade six. My son loves his particular sport and is good at it but is not apparently part of the "cool" clique of kids who also play, who are exceptionally good. He is not being played as often by the coach (who is, apparently the parent of a "cool" kid), has been told by other players that he doesn't deserve to be on the team, isn't getting the ball as much, et cetera. Basically he feels excluded by a sport he enjoys and kids who are nicer/don't trash talk do not play the sport, so he is left either playing alone or participating on a team where he feels unwelcome. And it is past the age where everyone has to get "along." Over break son found out a bunch of kids from the team went to a certain camp, he also went, they all carpooled and he ended up coming home in tears because they trash talked him. But it seems too old for a parent to step in (not to mention would raise the ire of the kids). Any advice on how to handle this sports trash talk and clique-ness?

This will not get any better, I speak from experience. Get your kid off of that team, find another sport if necessary. JFC what are you waiting for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave the team. This is not a healthy environment for him.

Maybe parents should teach their kids how to act and behave.

And maybe pigs will fly.

You have to deal with it as is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the age where sports begin to get competitive, grade six. My son loves his particular sport and is good at it but is not apparently part of the "cool" clique of kids who also play, who are exceptionally good. He is not being played as often by the coach (who is, apparently the parent of a "cool" kid), has been told by other players that he doesn't deserve to be on the team, isn't getting the ball as much, et cetera. Basically he feels excluded by a sport he enjoys and kids who are nicer/don't trash talk do not play the sport, so he is left either playing alone or participating on a team where he feels unwelcome. And it is past the age where everyone has to get "along." Over break son found out a bunch of kids from the team went to a certain camp, he also went, they all carpooled and he ended up coming home in tears because they trash talked him. But it seems too old for a parent to step in (not to mention would raise the ire of the kids). Any advice on how to handle this sports trash talk and clique-ness?

Get him to play Ultimate Frisbee. Nicest and most welcoming kids you will find anywhere in any sport.

This. Are you really shocked OP? Or just hoped your son would be one of the “cool guys” so it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s like when someone comes on here complaining about mean girls/moms at their DD competitive dance or gymnastics studio. Duh.

You seem charming. No, I hoped he'd play a sport he both loved where kids were kind. SILLY ME

6tj grade is when this starts. Boys can be very mean (just like girls). Keep an eye on this if your son stays. Who is the ringleader? If not the coach’s kid he might be more responsive. You can’t talk to the coach about playing time at all obvi.

[Anonymous]

TBH I’d get your kid hitting and/or pitching lessons. Have never seen kids pick at the teammate who is hitting bombs or pitches well. Garners instant respect and will take care of the playing time issue also.

And yes- become friendly with parents in the inner circle- just don’t lay it on too thick. Do not complain about their kids’ behavior or about playing time. Complimenting their kids’ play usually works well.

Running away to a new team isn’t always the best answer. If they go to school together and all play baseball, he will continue to play with them in some form for quite awhile.

My son had the same issue in middle school- most of them are now playing HS ball together and get along just fine. He’s even good friends with some of them.

[Anonymous]

You can either quit the team and find a new one or try to get better. His team will love him if he can get up and hit the grand slam home run. Or be the star pitcher. Work on the fundamentals and practice more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the age where sports begin to get competitive, grade six. My son loves his particular sport and is good at it but is not apparently part of the "cool" clique of kids who also play, who are exceptionally good. He is not being played as often by the coach (who is, apparently the parent of a "cool" kid), has been told by other players that he doesn't deserve to be on the team, isn't getting the ball as much, et cetera. Basically he feels excluded by a sport he enjoys and kids who are nicer/don't trash talk do not play the sport, so he is left either playing alone or participating on a team where he feels unwelcome. And it is past the age where everyone has to get "along." Over break son found out a bunch of kids from the team went to a certain camp, he also went, they all carpooled and he ended up coming home in tears because they trash talked him. But it seems too old for a parent to step in (not to mention would raise the ire of the kids). Any advice on how to handle this sports trash talk and clique-ness?

Get him to play Ultimate Frisbee. Nicest and most welcoming kids you will find anywhere in any sport.

This. Are you really shocked OP? Or just hoped your son would be one of the “cool guys” so it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s like when someone comes on here complaining about mean girls/moms at their DD competitive dance or gymnastics studio. Duh.

You seem charming. No, I hoped he'd play a sport he both loved where kids were kind. SILLY ME

6tj grade is when this starts. Boys can be very mean (just like girls). Keep an eye on this if your son stays. Who is the ringleader? If not the coach’s kid he might be more responsive. You can’t talk to the coach about playing time at all obvi.

I’d bet ringleader is coach’s kid or coach’s buddy’s kid (or the coach would’ve done something about it already). When this happened to my DS it was with coach’s son as ringleader. Stopped once they brought on a paid coach and the kid knew he couldn’t get away with it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new team

That's not helpful, good lord.

Why? There are a zillion soccer teams in this area of varying degrees of competitiveness. Including ones with professional (not parent) coaches.