How to answer "How are you?" when you are not great and prospects are not good?

[Anonymous]

I know this is a silly question, but I used to be in great health and never thought about how to answer this question. In the past year, I had a car accident and have had lingering issues. Friends or co-workers ask me how are you and I honestly don't know how to answer. I hate to be a downer, but I am in constant pain and facing potential surgery. Answering "just great" seems fake to me. With close friends, I may share more, but I have a really intrusive co-worker who is always asking me details about my medical condition (made the mistake of telling her i was not so great when she kept pressing why I was out of the office for a few weeks). I always feel like I am answering inappropriately.

Suggestions from people with chronic conditions?

[Anonymous]

just smile and say "been worse, thanks!"

[Anonymous]

Nurse here. When I was in nursing school, I worked at an orthopedic office that specialized in knee and hip replacements, so we had many older patients in various stages of discomfort. 99% of the time, if they were being seen, it wasn't because they were "great". The top 3 responses to "How are you?" were :
1. Well I woke up this morning so that's a start.
2. Been better, been worse.
3. Some variation of the "been worse, thanks!"

Don't over think it. I'd just go with the been better, been worse response. Although, with the intrusive coworker, I'd just go with a "fine, and how are you?" response.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the reassurance that I can have a pat answer! So - it's not rude to say have a pat answer when the intrusive lady says (and I read it as condescending - she drives me nuts!) - " oh, how is your xxxxx?" it always throws me!

[Anonymous]

Fine Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I usually just say "fine" or "ok" if "good" doesn't apply.

[Anonymous]

Hanging in there.

[Anonymous]

I don't have an answer. My kid had a terrible accident, and I found I just couldn't give upbeat answers during the long, scary recovery months. It got to the point that I just started avoiding interactions with most people most of the time because they didn't want the real answer, and I just couldn't bring myself to pretend.

[Anonymous]

I'd say "battling on".

[Anonymous]

"As best I can."

[Anonymous]

"How are you" is a social convention. People are not asking for a definitive catalogue of your medical status. You are in pain and suffering you may have lost perspective on some of the "social routine."

I say this very gently -- please talk to your doctor about adequate pain control and about the possibility of an anti-depressant. My mother is a chronic pain sufferer. When she starts worrying about how to respond to questions like "How are you" I know it's time to talk about pain control and depression.

[Anonymous]

I'm doing ok. I've had better days. Keeping on. Fair to middling.

Then turn the topic to them or something else.

[Anonymous]

Hanging in there, not too bad, I'm doing okay...

No need to lie and act like everything's wonderful, but no need to share the details of how things are really going, either.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with a prior pp, I made the mistake of casually asking my uncle at dinner how are you, well, 45 minutes later I had a full disgusting run-down of what his pain meds had done to his usually regular bowle movements.
I really really was only making casual small talk.
Next time I have promised myself I will just ask how his grand kids are doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"How are you" is a social convention. People are not asking for a definitive catalogue of your medical status. You are in pain and suffering you may have lost perspective on some of the "social routine."

I say this very gently -- please talk to your doctor about adequate pain control and about the possibility of an anti-depressant. My mother is a chronic pain sufferer. When she starts worrying about how to respond to questions like "How are you" I know it's time to talk about pain control and depression.

Good advice (op here)! I am in a pain management program, but prognosis is not for a quick recovery. I guess it is really the nosy lady at work who I am usually at a loss for words with. She is always prying and even if I say I am fine, she asks a bunch of questions I don't really want to discuss with her. Example, "Oh, I haven't seen you in a while (I travel), how are you?" "Good! How have you been?" "Oh, how is your xxxxx?" "Still recovering!" "Oh! What treatment is next? You know you should stop traveling so much. It will not help you heal" (knowing travel is part of my job) or "When do they think you are going to get better?" She drives me insane. I want her to stop when I say "I am fine!"

With acquaintances, glib answer is easy. Closer friends, I sometimes feel like I don't want to burden friend's with knowing I am not 100% - don't want them to feel obligated to ask questions (that I would feel ok discussing with them, as opposed to nosy lady).