How to answer "How are you?" when you are not great and prospects are not good?

[Anonymous]

Just say "I'm alive" with a resigned look on your face. Really throws people for a loop.

Signed,

Someone in constant pain

[Anonymous]

Just say you're fine and smile. Fine is boring, so this might prompt people to stop asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say you're fine and smile. Fine is boring, so this might prompt people to stop asking.

Agree with this!

And if someone specifically asks you about your condition, but you don't wish to discuss, you can simply say: "Thank you for asking." It basically says BUTT OUT in a polite as possible way. Then smile, and either ask how they are (ie change subject) or duck out of the convo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say you're fine and smile. Fine is boring, so this might prompt people to stop asking.

Not to hijack the OP's thread, but for someone on the other side of the equation, would you prefer that they don't ask you? I have a friend (not close, but still a friend) who has cancer. I actually try to avoid asking "how are you" or saying things like "I hope you guys are well" in e-mails but sometimes I wonder if she thinks I don't care at all, even though her condition is always in the back of my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say you're fine and smile. Fine is boring, so this might prompt people to stop asking.

Not to hijack the OP's thread, but for someone on the other side of the equation, would you prefer that they don't ask you? I have a friend (not close, but still a friend) who has cancer. I actually try to avoid asking "how are you" or saying things like "I hope you guys are well" in e-mails but sometimes I wonder if she thinks I don't care at all, even though her condition is always in the back of my mind.

I'm the PP who suggested responding with "fine" and I am also a cancer survivor. I can only speak for myself, of course, but I always appreciate it when someone asks how I'm doing. Sometimes I do respond with "fine" because it's the truth. In the past I have said "fine" because I didn't want to elaborate. I see it as opening a door - if you ask your friend how she is doing she knows you're thinking about her and she has the opportunity to share details and get support from you. If she responds with "fine" you can just move and talk about something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say you're fine and smile. Fine is boring, so this might prompt people to stop asking.

Not to hijack the OP's thread, but for someone on the other side of the equation, would you prefer that they don't ask you? I have a friend (not close, but still a friend) who has cancer. I actually try to avoid asking "how are you" or saying things like "I hope you guys are well" in e-mails but sometimes I wonder if she thinks I don't care at all, even though her condition is always in the back of my mind.

I'm the PP who suggested responding with "fine" and I am also a cancer survivor. I can only speak for myself, of course, but I always appreciate it when someone asks how I'm doing. Sometimes I do respond with "fine" because it's the truth. In the past I have said "fine" because I didn't want to elaborate. I see it as opening a door - if you ask your friend how she is doing she knows you're thinking about her and she has the opportunity to share details and get support from you. If she responds with "fine" you can just move and talk about something else.

OP here - I agree. I like to exchange pleasantries and will share with those I feel comfortable with. It is only rude when you start prying into medical details when none have been offered.

[Anonymous]

OP can't you just say 'I'd prefer not to talk about it. Tell me something fun in your life! Any vacations planned?'

I recently got asked at a party about a very obvious scar. It caught me off guard and I didn't feel like telling perfect strangers my medical history (it was sort of rude, I thought, that this was like their second question). I felt bad, but I basically said 'I really don't want to get into it.' Then I asked them a question.

[Anonymous]

Hanging in there and how are you doing? Then change the subject.

[Anonymous]

I often say "still living", and occasionally add "somehow". Mostly just say "fine thanks". Nobody really wants to know, they are just being polite, so keep it simple.