If you and spouse raised kids successfully
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Anonymous
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traditions for us:
--christmas cookies and special german cakes --Lighting advent candles and a special reading after dinner in the lead up to christmas. --Getting a special ornament that represents the year we had for each christmas --Getting an ornament from places we travel --Planting spring bulbs together. --Every night at dinner, we each say a "pow and wow" for the day. --Dad takes kid sledding whenever it snows. --DH puts a dad joke in in kids lunch box every single day. It got to the point that the principal at her elem school would read them out on the cafeteria sometimes when kid was super little. he is savin all of them so in the future if she is having a rough time in college etc he will send them back to her. |
Anonymous
these are great examples! I hope the take away for all parents is the you can do great things, build traditions, and launch well adjusted kids without spending a fortune on vacations, too many activities, private schools, fancy stuff, expensive clothes etc...Social media is conditioning our children to want only the very best but it will never bring them happiness. |
Anonymous
Most impact No formal religion. Comparative religions are discussed over time. Education. Love of learning. Sharing in that with them. Travel as much as possible. Reading everything and anything. We read to them they read to us. We discussed books as they aged. Reading fundamental part of our family. Dim Sum Sundays are mandatory LOL. Funny to this day they still as adults do this. Sex ed early on. Personal responsibility. Starting in MS make your own lunch, pack your own stuff no one is bringing you your stuff. College apps you want to go you do it, you want a tutor ask. Teach them to cook and want to help in the kitchen, take them grocery shopping show them pricing etc. When they are old enough they do their own taxes. Bank accounts they should have one. Because my kids worked during the summer, whether it was camp counselor or retail or food service learning to work and read a paystub is a life skill No chores we are a family we help each other. My kids never once balked at this. I rarely had to ask someone to take out the trash they kind of took turns on their own. Saying I was sorry if I did something wrong. Listen to them I can not stress this enough engage with them put the cell phones down every night at dinner and talk to each other. If you can not do that because of schedules then pick a time on the weekend that you can. This all of mine said was impactful. What I failed at. My mother's voice at times. I come from poverty and a criminal household. Keeping my kids away from that was not always easy or maybe I did not handle it the best way. A little too strict on alcohol in HS. Although three of mine have said now they are glad we were. These three were our most social, very social. Mine are all grown and graduated from graduate schools etc. gainfully employed. It is not lost on me that we are very lucky and that the best of parenting can still go off the rails. |
Anonymous
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We did a lot of things together and with local family (not many of them but a few are local), esp. when little. The latter became harder as the kids got older.
But we did fun things on holidays, traveled a lot together, lots of dinners together and time on porch doing things with our DC (arts and crafts), movie nights as family, celebrating our fave holiday (Halloween). We made the family unit a safe and fun place (imperfect at times for sure) but we are very close as a result. I hope there will be "payoff" as DC leaves for college and starting life in that they won't go far but we'll see. I think we'll be close wherever they land but I'd be (inwardly) devastated if it was too far from home. |
Anonymous
Hahahahahaha!! Not a chance I believe the bolded. MS years are designed to bring drama to your house. Are you saying your kids didn't go through the normal development? Or are you just a narcissist who has their goggles on and your kids will have something different to say about their upbringing. |
Anonymous
+1 Know when to support and when to let them fail. |
Anonymous
We have a ski condo and spend Christmas and spring break there every year. As the kids got older I bought each one a condo to do the same for their family. We ride bikes together, cook together, and love watching shows together - like is it cake - something that let's us chat. When the kids were younger I encouraged them to support their siblings - show up to big events, buy birthday and Christmas gifts, etc, watch important competitions they were in, tell them they are proud of each other, etc. |
Anonymous
| When they have reached adulthood with children of their own, they want to start their own family traditions. |
Anonymous
Not necessarily. We wanted to keep some of the traditions we grew up with. We just wanted to do so IN OUR HOME when kids came. Grandparents mostly wanted to continue with everything in their home -even though they had their chance to do so with their own kids- and couldn't understand why we didn't want to drive 8 hours with kids/presents/board dogs and then divide time among 4 sets of divorced parents. |
Anonymous
Gosh observing friends and family and how we ended up as adults, I think a lot of this is more out of our control than we think and a lot of it is just the luck of the draw with personality, a huge part of which is genetically wired. Aside from giving as many opportunities as possible (education, opportunity to explore interests), encouragement, and love/support I think you just need to let people be who they will be. The same parents can create completely different children. Some people who grow up with hardship are more resilient than others, and some people who grow up with privilege still struggle. The modern idea of parenting as a project I think is hubristic. |
Anonymous
| I wonder what the kids of these self-identified parents would say? My brothers and I are the successful kids in this scenario, now midlife with families of our own that are also seen as raising great kids. My dad has always claimed a lot of credit for raising three successful kids, but my brothers and I are who we are in part as a reaction of not being him. I’ve remembered that with my own kids. In other words, what am I really screwing up that they will say “I’ll never be like that.” |
Anonymous
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For those with adult children today, the world was different when they raised their kids. Today's kids are (unfortunately) raised in a world of being glued to smart phones or ipads starting in the very early years, and in a world of social media. It is much more difficult today to be a parent. As parents and a community, we need to work together to shelter today's kids from the harm of being glued to an iphone 24/7 (watching social media). I wish I were exaggerating, but I am not. https://www.today.com/video/surgeon-general-warns-of-social-media-danger-to-mental-health-175916613579 |
Anonymous
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They always came first.
The only time I put myself first or DH put himself first was when we each had cancer. Otherwise, it was always about what was best for their development and well-being. We are about T minus 90 days for an empty nest and it’s going to be a weird pivot. |
Anonymous
Absolutely not |
Anonymous
Now this is a tradition I hadn't thought of! I should have bought each of my kids a condo so they could ski a couple times a year! Making a note of that. |