Let's face it... if rock star parents were ecstatic when their kids said they were dropping out of HS with no plan but a dream and a guitar...well, they won't become rock stars (even though 99.9% of those kids won't become rock stars either). It's funny...Billy Corrigan from the Smashing Pumpkins has a whole podcast on this. His dad was a big jazz player in Chicago, but a drunk and professional failure that treated Billy and his mom terribly. His dad hated his music...but after he made it big his dad told him that if he had been a normal supportive parent...how would he have had the drive to make music that his dad hated and become the star he is. Billy is philosophical...because on one hand his dad is correct...but on the other he wonders that perhaps I would have become some incredible jazz guitarist instead. He still doesn't know the correct answer. |
I'm not PP, but are you serious? There's drama and then there's DRAMA. Middle-school kid drama is not what this person is talking about, she's talking about the big things - addiction, abuse, broken and transient relationships... this is the sort of drama that screws kids up. |
I also found this commentary insightful. Ours are nearing the end of HS and, after reading this, realized that they have found some wonderful adult mentors along the way. Sometimes, they’ve even been kind enough to mentor me & DH. Their sometimes older, sometimes younger perspectives and their knowledge of our child provided some meaningful and necessary counsel. Ours are also in JROTC and the Senior MI opened Freshman/LE1 Open House Night with “Do Not Save Your Cadet.” That HS, that “now” is the time to let them fail - when the consequences are not as great and they still have a support system to help if there’s real trouble. No truer words ever spoken. Thanks OP for starting the thread and to PPs for some thoughtful replies. |
DS has psychiatric diagnoses and DD has a serious medical diagnosis, so for us success is defined differently.
What helped: 1. Prioritizing parenting over everything else. When we got married, we both wanted kids, and we were both prepared to put in the work to parent. We didn't have date nights or that sort of thing when DS was little. There were no nannies, we were always with him. We are used to putting ourselves last over the needs of our kids. Even when we fought really hard, and really publicly, the priority was always our kids' best interests. We have not divorced, even though we've been on the brink several times. 2. Money. Money to sustain us when I quit my job to look after DS. Money to pay for evaluations, treatments, doctors, tutors, therapies, training. And finally, money for a future trust fund we are considering, so our kids won't be on the street when we are no longer able to help them out and if they may not be able to work. |