If you and spouse raised kids successfully
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Anonymous
+1 Know when to support and when to let them fail. |
Anonymous
We have a ski condo and spend Christmas and spring break there every year. As the kids got older I bought each one a condo to do the same for their family. We ride bikes together, cook together, and love watching shows together - like is it cake - something that let's us chat. When the kids were younger I encouraged them to support their siblings - show up to big events, buy birthday and Christmas gifts, etc, watch important competitions they were in, tell them they are proud of each other, etc. |
Anonymous
| When they have reached adulthood with children of their own, they want to start their own family traditions. |
Anonymous
Not necessarily. We wanted to keep some of the traditions we grew up with. We just wanted to do so IN OUR HOME when kids came. Grandparents mostly wanted to continue with everything in their home -even though they had their chance to do so with their own kids- and couldn't understand why we didn't want to drive 8 hours with kids/presents/board dogs and then divide time among 4 sets of divorced parents. |
Anonymous
Gosh observing friends and family and how we ended up as adults, I think a lot of this is more out of our control than we think and a lot of it is just the luck of the draw with personality, a huge part of which is genetically wired. Aside from giving as many opportunities as possible (education, opportunity to explore interests), encouragement, and love/support I think you just need to let people be who they will be. The same parents can create completely different children. Some people who grow up with hardship are more resilient than others, and some people who grow up with privilege still struggle. The modern idea of parenting as a project I think is hubristic. |
Anonymous
| I wonder what the kids of these self-identified parents would say? My brothers and I are the successful kids in this scenario, now midlife with families of our own that are also seen as raising great kids. My dad has always claimed a lot of credit for raising three successful kids, but my brothers and I are who we are in part as a reaction of not being him. I’ve remembered that with my own kids. In other words, what am I really screwing up that they will say “I’ll never be like that.” |
Anonymous
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For those with adult children today, the world was different when they raised their kids. Today's kids are (unfortunately) raised in a world of being glued to smart phones or ipads starting in the very early years, and in a world of social media. It is much more difficult today to be a parent. As parents and a community, we need to work together to shelter today's kids from the harm of being glued to an iphone 24/7 (watching social media). I wish I were exaggerating, but I am not. https://www.today.com/video/surgeon-general-warns-of-social-media-danger-to-mental-health-175916613579 |
Anonymous
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They always came first.
The only time I put myself first or DH put himself first was when we each had cancer. Otherwise, it was always about what was best for their development and well-being. We are about T minus 90 days for an empty nest and it’s going to be a weird pivot. |
Anonymous
Absolutely not |
Anonymous
Now this is a tradition I hadn't thought of! I should have bought each of my kids a condo so they could ski a couple times a year! Making a note of that. |
Anonymous
Same here! Revised shopping list: * Almond milk * Pepperidge Farm Mint Milanos * Ski condo for each child * Toilet paper * Parsley |
Anonymous
Super thoughtful. Too late for me my kids are 20 and 22. They seemed to have launched successfully and we have great relationship but check with me again in 5 years. In retrospect, I should have followed the above guidelines more. I was no helicopter mom but I probably did do some shielding I shouldn’t have. Remembering back to middle school and high school I recall so many times having to restrain fixing. It was not easy. |
Anonymous
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I think Parents give them self to much credit. My Dad was a raging drunk who left us penniless when he died leaving my Mom with four kids to raise with zero money or life insurance. To top is off my Mom had an 8th grade education and last job she had was a waitress 18 years earlier. Dad dropped dead with an 18, 16, 15 and 11 year old at home. Growing up was always massive fights, Dad beating us with belts and sometimes the cops showing up.
All four of us got masters degrees and I am sitting in a two million dollar paid off home, have a 750K paid off beach condo and 8 million in bank/stocks. My one sibling has like 20 million. we all graduated zero loans good schools with zero parental help. My Mom even charged me for rent and groceries in college. Many big movie stars and famous people had horrible childhoods. Many thing if not for the bad childhood they would have never succeeded in life. |
Anonymous
It is NOT all Luck. Each kid will be different, some might be neuro-divergent. But outside of extreme behavioral issues, natural consequences and following thru are key. And allowing your kid to take on more responsibility and giving them "more rope" to do so, and pulling back the rope if they show they are not capable. We found the more you trust them and give them responsibility, the more they actually rise to the occasion and learn. |
Anonymous
This is us exactly. My ADHD/anxiety DD is 20 now and I fear that we will be hand holding her for years to come. |