Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

When I married my husband he had six figure debt from law school.

We had several ROUGH years during the recession.

We put a ton of money towards his debt (I had none) and eventually paid it off and are fine now. He now makes 5x more than I do.

It never occurred to me, even in hard times, even in earnings disparities, that we were not a team.

I'd be more concerned about how she is so his-hers minded.

That said, some couples do keep separate finances. Just realize than when he's a specialist if he's pulling in double her salary this might lead to a LOT of spite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt?

Right! We did premarital counseling and a whole session was just on finances. We took tests and talked through the answers. We were on the same page and actually scored 99% similar on the entire thing but it’s still good to talk through.

Other sessions were on kids, handling in-laws, sickness/disability of a partner, chores and romance. We really enjoyed the counseling.

+1. Any sensible person with a sensible family has premarital counseling.

[Anonymous]

Separate finances are fine when you are on the same page and sharing burdens, but I have a relative who reminds me of this woman. She expected her new husband's salary to pay for all bills and necessities and expected to keep all of her own salary private for her own luxury expenses and clothing. When he objected to this arrangement she cried to her parents who took her side and she ended up divorced.
She is now remarried and a SAHM but has a large amount of her own money that she keeps hidden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What field of medicine is he going into? He can likely pay it off quickly. Check out white coat investor.

Yes, this matters? Plastic surgery? ER?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt?

Of course not. Daughter had $$$ in her eyes to marry a doctor. Clock was ticking to lock him down and start having kids. When you’re in that mode you don’t give concerns to trivial things like compatibility, debt, social issues, extended family involvement, alcohol, etc. It’s just a race down the aisle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt?

Of course not. Daughter had $$$ in her eyes to marry a doctor. Clock was ticking to lock him down and start having kids. When you’re in that mode you don’t give concerns to trivial things like compatibility, debt, social issues, extended family involvement, alcohol, etc. It’s just a race down the aisle.

+1. I don’t agree with the daughter paying off her husband’s loans, but people are seriously stupid about financial and general life prospects of doctors. Unless they’re from a rich family, they have crazy debt, crappy work life balance, unless they take a lower paying job, and the higher paying specialties don’t pay enough to justify the other bad stuff like stress, being on call, limited vacation time, navigating bureaucracy, etc.

[Anonymous]

Is the moral of the story here that you are only allowed to become a doctor if you come from a wealthy family? This country is seriously messed up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she expect to eventually share in/benefit from his peak earnings as a physician? Thought experiment: What if he declared those monies "his" and walled it off from her/the family?

Exactly. "Hey hubby, you get the debt for the training. I get half of your rapidly increasing income." Sheesh.

It’s borderline misogynistic to assume her corporate career will plateau and he’ll rapidly out earn her. Who knows what the future holds. Most doctors have normal upper middle class careers, very few become multi millionaires.

How do you muck up $300k/yr such that you don’t become a multi millionaire? In ten years that’s $3 million. A career is 20-30 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH, I earned more than him, had no debt while he had medical school debt. Now I am a SAHM, while he earns over seven figures. I helped him pay his debt off. I mean your DD is married and once he is an attending he may very well earn more than her.

I get we all like bragging about our incomes, but can we please stop saying this?! If he earns "over seven figures," that means he earns...eight figures, i.e., at least $10M per year. You probably meant he earns like $1.2M, which is definitely still seven figures.

[Anonymous]

^^ +1
She's not the doctor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH, I earned more than him, had no debt while he had medical school debt. Now I am a SAHM, while he earns over seven figures. I helped him pay his debt off. I mean your DD is married and once he is an attending he may very well earn more than her.

I get we all like bragging about our incomes, but can we please stop saying this?! If he earns "over seven figures," that means he earns...eight figures, i.e., at least $10M per year. You probably meant he earns like $1.2M, which is definitely still seven figures.

SAHM PP sounds like a troll anyway. Anyone with any familiarity with the medical field knows attendings don’t make bank. It’s private practice physicians who make 7 figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt?

Of course not. Daughter had $$$ in her eyes to marry a doctor. Clock was ticking to lock him down and start having kids. When you’re in that mode you don’t give concerns to trivial things like compatibility, debt, social issues, extended family involvement, alcohol, etc. It’s just a race down the aisle.

+1. I don’t agree with the daughter paying off her husband’s loans, but people are seriously stupid about financial and general life prospects of doctors. Unless they’re from a rich family, they have crazy debt, crappy work life balance, unless they take a lower paying job, and the higher paying specialties don’t pay enough to justify the other bad stuff like stress, being on call, limited vacation time, navigating bureaucracy, etc.

Not true at all. While the training years suck, we know several specialists in private practice making $500k+ working 40-45 hour weeks and only taking home call a weekend every other month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH, I earned more than him, had no debt while he had medical school debt. Now I am a SAHM, while he earns over seven figures. I helped him pay his debt off. I mean your DD is married and once he is an attending he may very well earn more than her.

I get we all like bragging about our incomes, but can we please stop saying this?! If he earns "over seven figures," that means he earns...eight figures, i.e., at least $10M per year. You probably meant he earns like $1.2M, which is definitely still seven figures.

SAHM PP sounds like a troll anyway. Anyone with any familiarity with the medical field knows attendings don’t make bank. It’s private practice physicians who make 7 figures.

SAHM poster here. I just refer to attendings as physicians who have completed their training. And nit picking wordings on a message board is lame. So he makes seven figures and funds a nice lifestyle. But I helped pay off his student loan debt. But no matter what OP’s DD will pay for debt either way. If her husband pays the debt by himself it just means less money for the family unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH, I earned more than him, had no debt while he had medical school debt. Now I am a SAHM, while he earns over seven figures. I helped him pay his debt off. I mean your DD is married and once he is an attending he may very well earn more than her.

I get we all like bragging about our incomes, but can we please stop saying this?! If he earns "over seven figures," that means he earns...eight figures, i.e., at least $10M per year. You probably meant he earns like $1.2M, which is definitely still seven figures.

SAHM PP sounds like a troll anyway. Anyone with any familiarity with the medical field knows attendings don’t make bank. It’s private practice physicians who make 7 figures.

Attendings who move into hospital management/heads of department can absolutely make 7 figures. I worked at a big DC hospital until recently. They work like dogs for their money though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH, I earned more than him, had no debt while he had medical school debt. Now I am a SAHM, while he earns over seven figures. I helped him pay his debt off. I mean your DD is married and once he is an attending he may very well earn more than her.

I get we all like bragging about our incomes, but can we please stop saying this?! If he earns "over seven figures," that means he earns...eight figures, i.e., at least $10M per year. You probably meant he earns like $1.2M, which is definitely still seven figures.

SAHM PP sounds like a troll anyway. Anyone with any familiarity with the medical field knows attendings don’t make bank. It’s private practice physicians who make 7 figures.

SAHM poster here. I just refer to attendings as physicians who have completed their training. And nit picking wordings on a message board is lame. So he makes seven figures and funds a nice lifestyle. But I helped pay off his student loan debt. But no matter what OP’s DD will pay for debt either way. If her husband pays the debt by himself it just means less money for the family unit.

Well no. Accuracy in what you say is important. Especially in the case of a 9M difference…