Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

Better to pay it off now rater than let it accumulate more interest. She should get a post nup before she does it.

[Anonymous]

I paid off DH student debt. I do not remember how much... I felt like I was just lucky my parents could help more than his and my office paid from grad school. It is not like I was working two jobs to cover my tuition while he did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are married. Their money is combined regardless.

Not premarriage money or debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a dentist with over a hundred grand in student loan debt and 32 years ago. I had no debt. We worked 6 days a week to pay if off. We're a team.

Are you my husband?!?
I had about 140,000 in loans from dental school. My husband and I worked like dogs (I had 2 jobs) to pay it off.

That’s what a married couple does. Work together for the benefit of the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she expect to eventually share in/benefit from his peak earnings as a physician? Thought experiment: What if he declared those monies "his" and walled it off from her/the family?

Exactly. "Hey hubby, you get the debt for the training. I get half of your rapidly increasing income." Sheesh.

It’s borderline misogynistic to assume her corporate career will plateau and he’ll rapidly out earn her. Who knows what the future holds. Most doctors have normal upper middle class careers, very few become multi millionaires.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. Does she have a lump sum of money she could use to pay it off?

Is he just saying she needs to help monthly pay it off?

What % rate? It's probably $100K or more right?

[Anonymous]

I helped pay off DHs law school student loans and actually pushed us to pay them off faster because it helped our family unit. I’ve never resented that choice and thinking of us as a team has been great for our marriage. There were many years where I made more money, and now he’s a law firm partner and I’m benefiting from that by being able to make work a less demanding job and spend more time with our kids… and in the future the pendulum may swing back the other way. You’re either on the team or you’re not.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how finances as a couple were NOT discussed before marriage.

She doesn't have to pay it off OP but is she planning on taking out loans, and mortgages on her income/credit alone? Because if they need both incomes to qualify for a mortgage now or in the future, his credit and debt will come into play, so by extension, your daughter is already "Paying For" the DH's debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are married. Their money is combined regardless.

Well, sort of. His income is now their income. But his debt that was incurred before the marriage is still his debt alone (unless a prenup says otherwise). So she could just say, "Your student loan, your problem."

But given how much student loan payments can be, they might decide that as a married couple they're better off if that debt is paid off. So it could make financial sense for both of them for her to pay off his loans.

Of course, if they ended up getting divorced in ten years they'd end up fighting about how her use of pre-marital assets to pay off his pre-marital debt should affect the settlement. Maybe they could draft up some sort of document now to cover that? Something like an agreement if they ever end up divorced, he'll pay her back all or part of what she spent to pay off the loan, plus interest? It shouldn't cost too much to have a lawyer draft that, I'd think.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to more clearly explain what you mean by "pressuring."

Does he want her to take her assets and pay a lump sum to get rid of the debt?

Does he want them to focus together on reducing the debt quickly and for her to contribute to the monthly payments?

Does he want her to pay the debt monthly herself?

How much and what kind of payments are we talking about here?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to know more in order to help answer her questions.

-did he hide the debt?
-why is he pressuring her now?
-does he plan to keep his income separate from her?
-does he really love her or is there a sense he is using her?

I am all for combining finances and being committed. But "pressuring her" gives me an uncomfortable feeling about this.

[Anonymous]

It was debt before the marriage? She should let him take care of it himself.

[Anonymous]

I would worry that this is a version of the situation you hear about where the wife supports the husband through medical school and internship, then he tosses her aside for a younger version once he has succeeded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course. When you marry a person, you marry their debts too. If she didn’t want to deal with his school debt, she shouldn’t have married him. They could’ve just cohabitated.

Where do you draw the line for debt not only pre-marriage but before you even met?

You marry a deadbeat dad, you should pay off all of his back child support?

What if your husband put your engagement ring on an Amex, you’d be happy about paying off your own engagement ring?

Go to ritzy private colleges, rack up a mortgage worth of debt, then coerce a new spouse—who made more responsible college decisions—to pay off the loans feels wrong. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was debt before the marriage? She should let him take care of it himself.

He was a medical resident when they were introduced. All of the debt was before they even met.