False. If they get divorced, his premarital debt remains his separate debt. If he dies, his premarital debt remains his separate debt. |
+1. Same as if one of them brought assets to the marriage. |
+1 Credit card debt would be a deal breaker for me unless they can demonstrate they have truly changed their ways. It’s much easier being married to someone who has the same financial philosophy as me. |
Yup—do not understand how you can be married and think like that? What’s mine is ours/what’s his is ousts—-we are a family and it’s a pool of $$ that is completely both of ours. And we jointly decide how to spend it |
DP: I have two BS degrees and an ms. I worked for 6 years and was making 6 figures when had first kid(25 years ago so 6 figures was a high salary). Decided to SAHP and never looked back. Spouse was fully supportive as it allowed them to fully focus on work and advance (c suite for 20 years, ceo for 10+) Some of us decide to do what is best for our family knowing that we are in a healthy living marriage and will not be penalized for focusing on family. Happily married 30+ years. |
That’s you. Joint assets and finances work for you, it doesn’t work for everyone. There are plenty of successful married couples with separate assets and finances. |
My first thought is financial abuse. Is it? Do they have a prenup? Can they get a postnup? |
If she is concerned about it, talking to you is not the answer. She needs to discuss her concerns with her dh. Then they need to figure out what to do together. Perhaps they should talk to a counselor to develop a plan that seems equitable to both of them and, as others suggested, they may need to get a post-nup.
It is too bad that they didn’t talk about this before the wedding but they should address this asap and you should advise talking to a third party. I would not want to get in the middle of my dd’s marriage even if she asked for advice. |
Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt? |
Lots of people do. Lots. And the financial plan is a job. But things don’t always pan out as planned. |
You have to be kidding, please tell me you are kidding. Of course this should be discussed prior to marriage. In the open and all cards on the table. Marriage is a legally binding contract that both people enter into, kinda like buying a house. Never waive contingencies or inspection. And if the person lied (oh by the way I have $400k in debt that you need to pay down) this would grounds for divorcing. At least to me. |
I hope you say the same thing to stay at home moms. Just freeloaders sitting on their ass while their husbands bring home the money they use to survive 🙄 |
Marriage is so much more than ‘romantic’. You are naive to ignore the financial and legal implications of marriage. Just because you stuck your head in the sand doesn’t mean anyone else should. |
I paid off my dhs. It was my luck to marry into an umc family that paid for my college in full and then gave me a new (used) car for graduation. Dh graduated with 100k in debt and a 15 year old junker car that needed replaced. Dh as attended public university but his was in a state like Virginia where it’s expensive. He had a great degree and didn’t mind living super frugally. He actually lived in an office in a house (like 8x8. It was nicer than it sounds) with 4 other guys. I helped pay his all off and my parents gave us a down payment on a house (50k).
I always thought our money was shared, but Dh and I also would never divorce. I will say that he seems to have forgotten who paid off his loans. He is reluctant to save for our kids’ college and think student loans are a good thing. I disagree and put 10k each in their accounts every year. Our money is shared but I make half of it and will spend it too. |
Right! We did premarital counseling and a whole session was just on finances. We took tests and talked through the answers. We were on the same page and actually scored 99% similar on the entire thing but it’s still good to talk through. Other sessions were on kids, handling in-laws, sickness/disability of a partner, chores and romance. We really enjoyed the counseling. |