How to deal with habitual complainers

[Anonymous]

I work with a habitual complainer. I'm talking weather, work, tv, food, family, friends, clothes, etc.

I usually ignore her, but what do you say to someone whose life is not miserable at all, but is constantly complaining?

I told her I was going to charge her 5 cents for every complaint. That didn't work

[Anonymous]

Stop complaining about the complainer.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a bit of a complainer until a wise friend (actually, more of an acquintance) interrupted me and said, "You know, you should try volunteering in a hospice. I've discovered that spending time with people who are sick and in pain really changes your perspective on everything." I felt like such an ass --- but I pretty much changed my behavior immediately.

[Anonymous]

The above advice about the hospice can't be beat. I think these people don't realize how much negativity they're spewing and how it affects people. It can affect friendships. I made a friend at work I thought was just going through a rough time at that point. She is wonderful in a lot of ways but she is such a complainer and I had to distance myself. Complained about service, how hot her coffee was or wasn't, and big things. She spent 6 years TTC and now she's pregnant. She complains very frequently about every little thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The above advice about the hospice can't be beat. I think these people don't realize how much negativity they're spewing and how it affects people. It can affect friendships. I made a friend at work I thought was just going through a rough time at that point. She is wonderful in a lot of ways but she is such a complainer and I had to distance myself. Complained about service, how hot her coffee was or wasn't, and big things. She spent 6 years TTC and now she's pregnant. She complains very frequently about every little thing.

One of my colleagues was like this poster's complainer. One of my friends at work finally said "I don't ever want to hear you complain about your miracle baby again". And she hasn't

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think some people are just that not original. They can't think of how to have a conversation unless it's a complaint.

[Anonymous]

Distance. I used to be like that too. I find it disorienting to be around that type of personality.

If I can't escape, I work to steer the conversation to something positive. If the movie sucked, what kind of movies do you like. That kind of thing. Obviously, it's not always smooth and sometimes it seems heavy handed.

[Anonymous]

I am a complainer and have been labeled as such since Jr. High so its lifelong. It's very difficult for habitual complainers to recognized they are in fact complaining and to see its effect on others.

I was only able to really get how annoying it can be when I dated someone who was actually more of a complainer than me. It was that experience that helped me stop and think about how much I complained, under what circumstances, when/why, etc and I have since scaled it way back. Before when people told me I complained too much, I truly couldn't see it or understand what they meant. I still complain but I am able to catch myself much more often.

[Anonymous]

How about if, whatever the topic, you respond with "you're lucky you..."? Have a job, have a spouse, live where there aren't horrendous typhoons or droughts, etc., etc., and then change the subject. Keep repeating this and she will either get the hint or else save her breath because she doesn't get any satisfaction from you. Sounds like "Debbie Downer" from that old Saturday Night Live skit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop complaining about the complainer.

This. Get up, walk away and get back to work.

[Anonymous]

Politely ask her if she grew up in a family where complaining was just part of the norm. Tell her you read a book where one of the characters grew up in this kind of household and just wondered if this is why she does it. She might not even realize she is complaining and this might make her wake up and smell the coffee.

[Anonymous]

My good friend always used to see the glass half empty - when she began to see it completely bone dry, she was diagnosed with depression.

Maybe PPs' complainers also are fighting depression?

[Anonymous]

NP here. I would also suggest they have depression, but are not fighting it. They need help. Try to be understanding, but not at risk of your own health, hearing or work.

I wholeheartedly agree about the hospice recommendation. I have a friend who is an enormous hypochondriac (her DH fuels it) and I often want to shake her and ask her if she has ANY idea what true loss is. It is not whining about your toothache to someone undergoing chemo, that is for sure. It is not "wishing you had more money" (constantly) to live in a certain neighborhood. It makes me want to vomit. But I digress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be a bit of a complainer until a wise friend (actually, more of an acquintance) interrupted me and said, "You know, you should try volunteering in a hospice. I've discovered that spending time with people who are sick and in pain really changes your perspective on everything." I felt like such an ass --- but I pretty much changed my behavior immediately.

This advice is pretty silly. It's not going to make a chronic complainer stop.

[Anonymous]

My DH says I'm a chronic complainer. I'm not depressed. I complain out of insecurity, and because I'm a perfectionist. Lots of little things bother me that don't even register on my DH. Our "solution" is that I spread my complaining around. One result is that DH and I talk much less. Interesting.