Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch

[Anonymous]

Geez PP how bored were you that you went searching through the Off-Topic thread and pulled up something from February?

[Anonymous]

I have felt guilty for years about how I handled a similar situation. We were young, childless, with modest incomes...and so were the two couples we invited. I left messages on their answering machines saying "You know that restaurant you were telling us about, want to have dinner there in two weeks? It's (DH's) b-day and I think he would really like the food."

So we went to the pricey restaurnat and the two other couples ordered so much food and so many drinks that I assumed they realized we were going Dutch. (I did not expect for them to pay for my husband's dinner.). They paid but they acted really put out about it and I realized the next day what a mistake I had made. I never said it was a party and isn't it rude to order so much stuff if you think your pals are paying for it?

[Anonymous]

Lets ALL take DH out for his birthday
Then please join us at our home after for dessert.

It's not really proper etiquette but good friends just want to celebrate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap. If I got an e-vite for any kind of restaurant get-together, regardless of the situation, I would assume I'm paying for me and my husband (unless it was a work party thrown by my boss or something). I think I travel in different circles than most DCUMers.

+1. I can't help but wonder if every hypercritical person on this board is over 50/very traditional. This is definitely not my standard.

I think what's happening here is, the "hostess" wants to send out an invite for the dinner party.
I'm 24 and I think it is extremely tacky to send out an invite for a dinner party at a restaurant and expect people to be paying.
If you can't afford everyone's dinner, why send out "invites" by trying to make it official.

Invitations = Pay for everyone.
Phone call/ get together = Go dutch

[Anonymous]

it is tacky.

unless the guest of honor is a dying swan.

[Anonymous]

I am over 30 and it us clear that everyone is dutch at bday parties or get togethers at restaurants bc many ppl like to drink more or hv specific orders that cost more I don't think it's rude if it is told to the guest ahead of time it is up to them if they wanna go or not n if they can't afford the restaurant they can just meet the other guests at the home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a hoarder? Swinger? Have a stripped pole in your living room? Why are you anxious about your home now when you had planned to have everyone over for cake/drinks anyway. Just add in some munchies from Trader Joe's or Costco as suggested above and voila. Make sure the bathroom is clean and NO ONE will care, they'll be happy to hang out.

I'd love to be invited to a house party that had a stripper pole!
Anyway, you can have a 'cocktail party' at your house - start late, like 9pm. A lot of drinks (learn to make couple fancy cocktails), keep the living room semi dark with lots of candles and play jazz music.
Orr invite everyone out to a bar? You could pay for the first round of drinks and hopefully people will pay for their own drinks afterwards...

[Anonymous]

In my social circle it's done. By American born state school grads and ivy grads. Immigrating from a country where the b day person paid, I always thought this was a bizarre American custom until I read people's responses here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a similar experience. Invited to a b-day party by a couple. Husband and wife are both well-employed. Had a nice time, then got the $150 bill (they split it evenly, not taking into account what people ate). When in my 20s and single, I'd assume dutch, but at 35, employed and when invited, I was shocked. We still like the couple, but it just seems ungracious. As we are struggling financially, had I expected this, I probably would have declined dinner and asked if we could meet up with them afterwards at the bar (we ended up not going to the bar, bc we'd just spent our weekly food budget!).

But don't go broke and pay for everyone! Just do the cake part, or do something cute like "40 on paper; 14 at heart" and have everyone meet at a pizza restaurant or tacky/funny type of place that 14 year old boys go after soccer games, or a bowling alley, and pay for everyone.

Similar experience. Got a $100 split bill for two at an overpriced mediocre tasting dc restaurant. At least my cocktail was good.

[Anonymous]

OP: are you really a grown up ? Are you sure this is your DH and not a BF? Because, I can't even believe you're suggesting that grown people go dutch to another grown ups restaurant b-day party. That said I got invited to a mafia princess' baby shower and they actually said on the invite that it was pay your own way. I was like, pffffft… they'll have to whack me, but I'm not coming, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: are you really a grown up ? Are you sure this is your DH and not a BF? Because, I can't even believe you're suggesting that grown people go dutch to another grown ups restaurant b-day party. That said I got invited to a mafia princess' baby shower and they actually said on the invite that it was pay your own way. I was like, pffffft… they'll have to whack me, but I'm not coming, thank you.

since the party was 2 years ago, maybe the OP has become a "grown up" since then?

[Anonymous]

Only gypsies would expect to go dutch. And stuff their pockets with bread rolls and silverware upon leaving the restaurant.