So angry at my mother I could just explode

[Anonymous]

I completely understand why you're angry, OP. I would be livid, too. But I would be concerned, too, about your mom. You might want to ask your mom what medications she is taking. Could they be interacting andmaking her that sleepy? And if she did have wine with her medicine, I doubt that that is safe! Once you calm down about this, look into your mom's health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

So you have no idea if it really was 4 hrs? Maybe she was exhausted from playing with your mom? Maybe she happily played for awhile? Sorry but you are assuming a lot and sound a little crazy.

NP here. are you serious? Doesn't your kid generally wake up at the same time every day? How would you feel if you were stuck somewhere wet and hungry with no explanation? This was neglectful...and it's sad her mom doesn't realize this.

I would be pissed, wet and hungry but not scarred for life.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm really sorry this happened. I was pissed on your behalf before you provided all the details. It really could not have been much worse!

Is this type of behavior just so 100% out of character for your mom? Have there been any signs that something just isn't right, and maybe this is the missing puzzle piece? I ask this because my mom was very sick for a very long time (nearly 2 years, from my best guess), but she hid it from everyone but her co-workers (she had to miss work for treatments). She was even a bit in denial about her abilities, and just outright lied to most of her family in order to "protect" us. She sadly passed away before she had any grandchildren, so we were never in this kind of boat with her, fortunately. But I could see something like this happening to us knowing what we know now. In hindsight, there were so many clues that something just wasn't right. We just missed them.

Anyway, I'm just sorry. I know you're so mad at your mom right now, and you have every right to be. I would give it a few days (weeks) before you try to address what happened with her. I agree with all the PP's that it would be hard to trust her again, unless there were real extenuating circumstances (i.e. she had never taken these meds before, what happened isn't a typical side effect, etc.). You were in such a vulnerable place, too, which makes this so much harder.

I hope you're having a restful and recuperative weekend. Take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

Four hours? What freaking time did your mom wake up? 10am? I actually would be pissed, especially if my mom took a "oh well" approach.

However, while you have every right to be mad, you need to put it in perspective. Your child is OK, and it will not cause emotional damage. Its possible she was happily playing in her crib up until 3 hours and 55 minutes and her loud screeches are what got your mom up. She was wet and hungry. But those needs were taken care of. She is OK now. In the future, if you can trust your mom again, I'd set her alarm for her, put a phone by her bed and call her to wake her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

Four hours? What freaking time did your mom wake up? 10am? I actually would be pissed, especially if my mom took a "oh well" approach.

However, while you have every right to be mad, you need to put it in perspective. Your child is OK, and it will not cause emotional damage. Its possible she was happily playing in her crib up until 3 hours and 55 minutes and her loud screeches are what got your mom up. She was wet and hungry. But those needs were taken care of. She is OK now. In the future, if you can trust your mom again, I'd set her alarm for her, put a phone by her bed and call her to wake her up.

The OP coming to pick her child up at noon and banging on her mothers (locked) door is what woke her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone being so mean to the OP? I would be livid. It's not okay to leave a baby in her crib alone screaming for four hours. OP, I'm sorry.

Because OP has absolutely zero proof that this really happened. Sounds like her mom was trying to explain what really happened and OP refused to listen.

Because you are a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

I don't really see the issue. Hungry and wet sucks but parents do this all the time. I'm a live in nanny and have found babies still in their cribs at noon crying because the parents are too hung over. It's normal.

It's NORMAL!? You're a nanny and you think leaving a toddler in a crib for four hours hungry, screaming and wet is normal?? Holy shit.

I know, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

You need to calm the fuck down, damn.

+10000000000000000000000000000000000000

You really think it's ok to not change a toddlers diaper for 16 hours?! No the OP doesn't need calm down.

NP here. The problem is NOT the diaper. It's about the fact that her mother was COMPLETELY incapacitated, and would not have noticed if the baby fell or choked or drank cleaning fluids from under the sink. It's about the fact that she probably would have slept through a fire. OP is right to be livid about those things.

[Anonymous]

No, the problem is that OP just had a miscarriage and D&C. Horrible experience and I feel for you. But I'm willing to be that OP overreacted with mom and OP's version is slightly different than mom's. We don't know what happened. Unless you were there all morning, you have no idea how long the baby was crying.

The situation totally sucks. It sounds like mom dropped the ball. But it seems to me that OP's anger at mom is displaced.

OP- you just had a miscarriage and D&C. Take care of yourself. Don't try to resolve this shit with your mom right now. If you need to make other arrangements to make sure your daughter is well-cared for, then do it. But wait until your emotions settle from all this shit you've gone thru to do anything else.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure the D&C affected her emotions, but why shouldn't she be mad that her mom drank and took meds while caring for her kid??

[Anonymous]

I would be upset too. If she was so out of it, it sounds like being left in the crib was the best possible place for her. At least there she couldn't be hurt. I'm also very sorry for your loss. I know that isn't easy.

[Anonymous]

NP, can't really believe this thread has gone on for 12 pages with zero new info, but since I have made it this far just going to say 2 things:

1. OP sorry for your loss with the m/c, that is traumatic for sure and I hope you're recovering well.

2. Everyone in this thread needs to chill on the use of the word "neglect". It sounds like no one (including OP's mom) disputes that OP's baby was left unattended for 3 hrs (with daylight savings, right? Not 4 but 3), and most of us agree that that is unacceptable and cannot/should not happen again. And why OP's mom went to bed locked in her room with the door shut and no monitor (OP did you leave a monitor with her and she didn't use it? Or she didn't have one?) is also a mystery and sounds like really bad judgement.

But going on and on about "egregious neglect" is absolutely an overstatement. The baby was in a crib that she couldn't get out of, she wasn't crawling around a house with stairs and needles and dog feces on the floor. No, not ok that the baby was in a crib unattended for 3 hrs while the caretaker was passed out on meds, and it would definitely be neglect if this was a pattern of care for this baby. But one time, unintentional (is this a new med? Maybe she didn't realize how knocked out she'd be?) simply does not = some kind of serious neglect.

In OP's shoes I'd definitely not want to leave the baby overnight again, but unless OP has observed her mom to do similarly clueless/potentially dangerous things with the baby while awake, I think the whole "She will never watch my child again!" thing is an overreaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the D&C affected her emotions, but why shouldn't she be mad that her mom drank and took meds while caring for her kid??

Because we don't know that's what happened. And if that did happen, do you think OP should address it right after her D&C?!?

Jesus- jump to conclusions often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

So you have no idea if it really was 4 hrs? Maybe she was exhausted from playing with your mom? Maybe she happily played for awhile? Sorry but you are assuming a lot and sound a little crazy.

NP here. are you serious? Doesn't your kid generally wake up at the same time every day? How would you feel if you were stuck somewhere wet and hungry with no explanation? This was neglectful...and it's sad her mom doesn't realize this.

I would be pissed, wet and hungry but not scarred for life.

You're not 2 years old.

(And I don't think OP's child will be "scarred for life." But MAYBE JUST MIGHT be more affected than an adult with reasoning skills and life experience and the ability to tell time, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

So you have no idea if it really was 4 hrs? Maybe she was exhausted from playing with your mom? Maybe she happily played for awhile? Sorry but you are assuming a lot and sound a little crazy.

NP here. are you serious? Doesn't your kid generally wake up at the same time every day? How would you feel if you were stuck somewhere wet and hungry with no explanation? This was neglectful...and it's sad her mom doesn't realize this.

I would be pissed, wet and hungry but not scarred for life.

You're not 2 years old.

(And I don't think OP's child will be "scarred for life." But MAYBE JUST MIGHT be more affected than an adult with reasoning skills and life experience and the ability to tell time, etc.)

Or the baby MAYBE JUST MIGHT have already forgotten this even happen because she is 2 years old!

Babies throughout history have endured far more terrible things than being stuck in a crib for 4 hours and they have gone on to live perfectly normal, non-scarred lives.