Need some advice on how to handle this situation...

[Anonymous]

I agree that she didn't mean it personally, so please don't take it that way. Just put that thought aside. You're right that she was just lashing out because of her own pain. Like the email wording suggested above.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and it would probably be a good idea to see her without your daughter next time and to minimize your talk about your daughter as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would hurt me too, but I would never attack my friends parenting over it. I don't think you should take any blame or apologize in any way. You're a good friend for knowing she's in a bad place and looking past this. I would try to continue the friendship after some space, or maybe she just can't handle the freindship right now. It's not ur fault, she's dealing with a lot, that doesn't make it right or acceptable but it's great that you understand and look past it.

Until you have walked a mile in that woman's shoes and spent years, money and tears trying to have a baby, you have no idea what you would or wouldn't do.

What an odd response. Why would you think the person you quoted hasn't spent years, money and tears trying to have a baby? This is an infertility board after all.

Exactly....I have been ttc for five years, have had several IUIs, ivfs and surgeries...so I do know what I would do, and I stated it above

[Anonymous]

Ouch! What a knife in the heart fro your friend! Going thru infertility makes you crazy. Also, people who do not have kids tend to think that you have much more control over your kids than you do. "Pick your battles" does not occur to the childless, especially when full of hormones. You sound like a very caring friend. Just try to say something nice when you see her next and understand that she knows very little about real parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would hurt me too, but I would never attack my friends parenting over it. I don't think you should take any blame or apologize in any way. You're a good friend for knowing she's in a bad place and looking past this. I would try to continue the friendship after some space, or maybe she just can't handle the freindship right now. It's not ur fault, she's dealing with a lot, that doesn't make it right or acceptable but it's great that you understand and look past it.

Until you have walked a mile in that woman's shoes and spent years, money and tears trying to have a baby, you have no idea what you would or wouldn't do.

What an odd response. Why would you think the person you quoted hasn't spent years, money and tears trying to have a baby? This is an infertility board after all.

Exactly....I have been ttc for five years, have had several IUIs, ivfs and surgeries...so I do know what I would do, and I stated it above

Have to agree...I went through 5 years of infertility, 2 IUIs, 3 IVFs, 3 miscarriages- one a traumatic T18 diagnosis and termination.

Because we were not telling people about our treatment...the only one who felt my wrath was my poor husband.

I weathered countless bridal showers when I was single and had no potential 'husband' in sight.
I weathered countless pregnancy announcements, baby showers and birth announcements when I was struggling with infertility for five years.

I sucked it up...participated joyfully...and played with babies till my face turned blue.

You're a good friend, and what you're planning is kind and generous. I just wish your friend could read some of the more 'plain talk' responses...because she needs a dose of reason from people who have been there done that...

(I also want to note...that I had two aunts that were painfully infertile (multiple tubal pregnancies, SIDS, etc.), at a time when there was no way to address infertility. I have never met two women who so graciously over came those horrible situations, and embraced their nieces and nephews with such joy and tenderness of spirit...it was a gift of of theirs and a gift to their nieces and nephews. I hope that while I struggled, that I carried on their spirits in my behavior.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would hurt me too, but I would never attack my friends parenting over it. I don't think you should take any blame or apologize in any way. You're a good friend for knowing she's in a bad place and looking past this. I would try to continue the friendship after some space, or maybe she just can't handle the freindship right now. It's not ur fault, she's dealing with a lot, that doesn't make it right or acceptable but it's great that you understand and look past it.

Until you have walked a mile in that woman's shoes and spent years, money and tears trying to have a baby, you have no idea what you would or wouldn't do.

What an odd response. Why would you think the person you quoted hasn't spent years, money and tears trying to have a baby? This is an infertility board after all.

Exactly....I have been ttc for five years, have had several IUIs, ivfs and surgeries...so I do know what I would do, and I stated it above

Have to agree...I went through 5 years of infertility, 2 IUIs, 3 IVFs, 3 miscarriages- one a traumatic T18 diagnosis and termination.

Because we were not telling people about our treatment...the only one who felt my wrath was my poor husband.

I weathered countless bridal showers when I was single and had no potential 'husband' in sight.
I weathered countless pregnancy announcements, baby showers and birth announcements when I was struggling with infertility for five years.

I sucked it up...participated joyfully...and played with babies till my face turned blue.

You're a good friend, and what you're planning is kind and generous. I just wish your friend could read some of the more 'plain talk' responses...because she needs a dose of reason from people who have been there done that...

(I also want to note...that I had two aunts that were painfully infertile (multiple tubal pregnancies, SIDS, etc.), at a time when there was no way to address infertility. I have never met two women who so graciously over came those horrible situations, and embraced their nieces and nephews with such joy and tenderness of spirit...it was a gift of of theirs and a gift to their nieces and nephews. I hope that while I struggled, that I carried on their spirits in my behavior.)

I have to agree. As someone who's been on the receiving end of friends like OP's for many years - lashing out because I am married and they are still single, lashing out b/c they had a miscarriage I didn't even know about and then were angry at me for telling them I was pregnant, etc - it is hurtful. I recognize that they have their struggles and I want to be there for them. But I should not have to deny or hide aspects of my life from a friend, nor should I be made to feel responsible for their feelings or their lot in life. I have always tried to be supportive and considerate, but I've been cut one too many times now and my understanding is beginning to wear thin. I am tired of being made to feel as if I should carry some guilt for things that are totally, 100% not my fault. I agree that OP shouldn't make her friend feel terrible for what she did, but I don't see any reason why she can't tell the friend that her feelings were hurt. IMO her friend owes her an apology.