Why am I so frickin irritated?

[Anonymous]

Can you get a mother's helper? Ask him to scale back to one or two nights.

[Anonymous]

Wow! I'd be irate! I agree with the PPs, putting 2 LOs to bed is best handled by 2 people. 3 nights a week is just too much, too much burden on you, too much time away from the kids (assuming he works full time out of the house)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, 6 months and 3 years old. DH wants to reinvent himself and pursue hobbies and interests three night a week during the week. That means he'll be out of the house in the evening on Monday, Weds, and Friday, for about two hours each night. I'm annoyed. I think one night during the week, maybe two nights, would be fine. The other week nights, I think he should be home eating dinner with his kids. Am I insane? I don't know. He certainly thinks I am. Sigh...

suspicious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, 6 months and 3 years old. DH wants to reinvent himself and pursue hobbies and interests three night a week during the week. That means he'll be out of the house in the evening on Monday, Weds, and Friday, for about two hours each night. I'm annoyed. I think one night during the week, maybe two nights, would be fine. The other week nights, I think he should be home eating dinner with his kids. Am I insane? I don't know. He certainly thinks I am. Sigh...

suspicious

Unfortunately, I was thinking the same thing.

[Anonymous]

OP I think it's OK ONE NIGHT A WEEK for DH to reinvent himself and yes, you better make sure he is not reinventing this penis in someone's bed!

[Anonymous]

He is reinventing himself, while you are stuck with all the soul-sucking drudgery of the weeknight slog of caring for an infant and toddler. How nice for him.

OP, if I were you I would punch him in the face for even suggesting such a thing.

[Anonymous]

Just add one to the pile-on here. This is a stupid and unfair idea and the fact that he's attacking you when you point out how stupid it is makes it also a suspicious one. I know all men are not created equal, but DH looked forward to seeing his kids each night for bedtime and wouldn't have wanted to be away that much during the week when they were that age. We each got breaks on the weekends (which usually meant taking turns sleeping in) but weeknight evenings were for dinner and bedtime routines together.

[Anonymous]

He's either an asshole or cheating on you. I'm sorry!

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP- that's not fair. Like not at all- seriously, tell him to grow up. Each of you needs a break, true, but fairly divided!!!

[Anonymous]

No, you aren't insane. He is.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest a 'compromise' and tell him that one night a week is fine and you would like to participate in the activity with him. Tell him it can be your date night and get a sitter for that one night. If he tries to squirm his way out of having you there, I would suspect there is someone else.

Whether he is cheating or not, your DH is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not committed to being a father and a husband. It sounds to me like he is trying to escape and sees his family as a burden rather than as a privilege to be treasured.

He does need to reinivent himself--as a truly committed dad who puts his family first and invests his time and energy into his relationships with his loved ones. One night a week or the occasional weekend is reasonable. Three nights a week is a signal that he cares about himself more than about you and the kids. I wouldn't just be irritated if I were you. I would be in despair that I married a selfish man-child who doesn't understand the meaning of responsibility and commitment. He needs to grow the hell up.

+1

[Anonymous]

Say No. Say that for the time being, you need more help than that. Are you working OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, the troubling thing as that you ask why you are so irritated. Your husband is being an ass or is having an affair, or both. This doesn't mean he's an ass always, just that he's acting like one now. I do have to wonder why you have any doubt as to why you are so irritated and if this smacks of a bigger problem in your marriage, at best an unequal balance in power, at worst some form of abuse? Tell him no, this plan is unacceptable and then see what he says. If he won't change it, consider if this marriage is worth it for you. Unless this schedule is of very short duration (a crash course for work) or a course say in SCUBA in prep for a family trip, I would make no bones about how you feel and why.

[Anonymous]

I'd let him have one night a week and a few hours on a weekend for whatever hobbies he chooses to pursue. In return, you get one night per week and a few hours to yourself on the weekend. Fair is fair. And I say this as a 40-year-old single mom. I have two nights a week "off" from my daughter and it is nice to have a little time to myself, for yoga and working out and things that are easier to do without my daughter. (grocery shopping, yard work, etc.)