Why am I so frickin irritated?

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, 6 months and 3 years old. DH wants to reinvent himself and pursue hobbies and interests three night a week during the week. That means he'll be out of the house in the evening on Monday, Weds, and Friday, for about two hours each night. I'm annoyed. I think one night during the week, maybe two nights, would be fine. The other week nights, I think he should be home eating dinner with his kids. Am I insane? I don't know. He certainly thinks I am. Sigh...

[Anonymous]

Ask him does he love her.

[Anonymous]

Yes - I'm irritated for you too! It does not seem fair. When my ds was little, my husband went on this "soul-searching" vacations by himself to exotic locales. And then, he has to nerve to imply that I've stopped growing as a person and don't take care of myself, like he does. Well, he can do that, because I'm taking care of everything else. While, he is only taking care of himself. I'm frickin irritated too for me!

[Anonymous]

Who the hell wound like that kind of "me" time?? He's off his rocker. EACH of you should get one or two nights a week, max, and the rest of the time is being with and caring for the kids and each other.

[Anonymous]

*"wouldn't" not wound. This iPad is annoying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, 6 months and 3 years old. DH wants to reinvent himself and pursue hobbies and interests three night a week during the week. That means he'll be out of the house in the evening on Monday, Weds, and Friday, for about two hours each night. I'm annoyed. I think one night during the week, maybe two nights, would be fine. The other week nights, I think he should be home eating dinner with his kids. Am I insane? I don't know. He certainly thinks I am. Sigh...

HAHAHAHAHA.
Yeah, DH would get one weeknight to do this shit. And I'd take a weeknight for myself even if all I was going to do was go sit at Barnes and Noble and read magazines. What is he on, because I want some.

[Anonymous]

He is not committed to being a father and a husband. It sounds to me like he is trying to escape and sees his family as a burden rather than as a privilege to be treasured.

He does need to reinivent himself--as a truly committed dad who puts his family first and invests his time and energy into his relationships with his loved ones. One night a week or the occasional weekend is reasonable. Three nights a week is a signal that he cares about himself more than about you and the kids. I wouldn't just be irritated if I were you. I would be in despair that I married a selfish man-child who doesn't understand the meaning of responsibility and commitment. He needs to grow the hell up.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I can't seem to articulate why I don't think it's okay and sound like a rational person. The kids are tiny and going to muay thai class just doesn't seem like a priority to me. Maybe I need to invest more in myself but now...really? Tiny kids. Come on!

[Anonymous]

You're "frickin irritated" because your husband is a selfish ass, and clearly wants to spend time away from his family. Perhaps he's immature and will grow up, perhaps he won't. But he is clearly putting himself and his desires first.

Two choices: put your foot down, with the likely result that he will resent you for it. Or let him, and then take the other days for yourself. Of course, the corollary to that is that you'll likely grow apart, but perhaps you already have since he isn't too keen on spending time at home as it is.

Sorry, that just sucks.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old is he. Mid-life crisis can be a real troubling time for some men.

[Anonymous]

Muay Thai class is fine. Book club is fine. Mountain biking is fine. All of them in one week is not. That's the problem.

Tell DH to pick one activity per week, one per weekend. THat's what committed and mature spouses do. You also get to do one, and he stays home with the kids. It's also OK to leave your kids with a sitter, and take Muay Thai (or whatever) together.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great he wants to pursue interests a few nights a week, however it's essential that you have the opportunity to do the same.

[Anonymous]

He can explore his interests after bedtime every night, but dinner prep-dinner-baths-bedtime with a 6 mo and 3 yo is a two person job IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is he. Mid-life crisis can be a real troubling time for some men.

Actually, he's turning 40. That's definitely part of it.

[Anonymous]

You're irritated because it's insane! If my DH honestly wanted to spend the majority of weeknights away from his family, and felt it should be fine to put all if that stress on me as well, I'd contemplate divorce.