Dad, 93, in nursing home, won't eat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Common, I'd call in hospice.

So they can hurry him out the door?

Unfortunately, they don't do that or that was our experience.

Many do - our experience with one of the big hospice companies in the area was terrible b/c they were convinced he was on his way out despite his improvement & will to live. They 100% accelerated my dad's death and it was awful.

I wish they accelerated my MIL's death. Our hospice team did such a good job in helping her that she improved and they had to remove themselves. As soon as they stopped working with her and the nursing home stopped following their orders, she got sick within a few weeks and died before we could get them back in to help again. She lingered for a few weeks and her death was miserable.

In these situations you encourage people to live for your needs, not their. Personally I hope to drop dead and if not, I hope my loved ones find someone to accelerate my death as watching her died was one of the worst things to see.

You could have terminated their services at any time.

[Anonymous]

The fact that he is at least ingesting Ensure is good.

Is he communicating? Any memory issues?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's on the way out. Make sure his affairs are in order NOW. I doubt he'll be around longer than 10-12 days.

[Anonymous]

He's 93. If it were my father, I wouldn't force him to eat, wouldn't force any nutritional supplements, but would discuss with medical providers how to keep him hydrated and comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Does he have any favorite foods? When my dad had bouts of this, he still happily eat cake. We had to help him, but he ate.

[Anonymous]

Please don't force him to eat. Please don't put in an IV or anything. My grandparents both did this when they were close to being gone. It's a natural part of dying. Hospice will not hurry them up, they'll ensure they are comfortable. They'll help you with everything (if you'd prefer to bring him home).

[Anonymous]

Hospice told us that as your body starts to shut down, people stop wanting to eat. It is part of the process. It is not that he has decided to fast. Now of course he could just be ill and not have an appetite short term as well.

[Anonymous]

Animals and humans both do this at the end of life. Its not always necessarily a choice, but their body shutting down and not sending hunger hormones. The body knows when its done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 93. If it were my father, I wouldn't force him to eat, wouldn't force any nutritional supplements, but would discuss with medical providers how to keep him hydrated and comfortable.

This. And what the previous nurse poster mentioned about making sure all his medical wishes are in order and documented and that nursing home has all the documentation. Nursing homes are known for keeping poor records and resuscitating patients against their wishes bc someone couldn’t find the documentation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Animals and humans both do this at the end of life. Its not always necessarily a choice, but their body shutting down and not sending hunger hormones. The body knows when its done.

This is very true and likely what is happening. Sorry OP

[Anonymous]

And the food at the nursing home that you say is awful doesn't help. The bad food probably contributed to his lack of appetite and once your stomach shrinks and you stop feeling hungry, it lingers (even if you bring him pineapple when you visit).

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. It is so hard to see our parents through these times.

[Anonymous]

We just lost a family member like this. They gave up and didn't want to live anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you so much--this is very, very helpful!
He recognizes us and wants to engage, but is so weak. We'll try ice cream and see if he likes that.
He's in no pain, thank goodness.
Thank you all so, so much.

[Anonymous]

My grandpa passed in 2020 and when he got to where he wouldn’t eat and would only drink the Boosts, it wasn’t long before he passed. Your dad is ready and his body is preparing itself.