Dad, 93, in nursing home, won't eat

[Anonymous]

My Dad once before stopped eating. It was COVID, even though he'd been vaccinated and boosted. COVID really did a number on him (brain fog, weakened limbs) but he pulled through. He's in his nineties.
Months later he developed a UTI that was serious but again pulled through--he's in rehab now. But, as with the onset of COVID, he's stopped eating. Admittedly the food is awful in the skilled nursing home, but we bring in food from home--cut-up pineapples, bananas, other soft favorites. He won't touch them. He's living on Ensure Boosts.
Causes? Guidance? I am not there all that often--weekends, basically; my mom and siblings are there more. We can't figure it out. Is it some kind of death wish or something else? Thank you in advance.

[Anonymous]

It is very common for elderly folks to stop eating when ill but if he is drinking ensure boosts he should be fine on the nutrition side.

When my grandfather was nearing the end of his life, he stopped eating anything. But then my aunt brought him dove ice cream bars, which had always been a favorite of his. He ate those. A friend had luck with a slice of birthday cake from a great granddaughter’s birthday when her mother stopped eating. Is there a junk food type soft food that he has always liked that would be a treat, try that.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. This has happened to my MIL who lives in a nursing home before. She went through a short period where she wouldn’t eat or drink at all. We thought it was the beginning of the end. But then she inexplicably started again, although she still does not eat well.

I don’t have any guidance, unfortunately. Have you talked to the medical director at the nursing home? Ensure Boost might be enough to keep him alive at this point.

[Anonymous]

Why is he in the nursing home?

There are many conditions including those on the dementia spectrum (including Parkinson’s) where appetite declines as the disease progresses.

There are some drugs including synthetic cannabis that can be prescribed to stimulate appetite but this is part of the natural process of declining.

[Anonymous]

My MIL did this when she was done with living, and just wanted to let go. She was skin and bones when she passed at 90.

[Anonymous]

RN here. This is not uncommon as someone gets towards end of life. Is he still able to understand things and make his wishes known? If so, now is a good time to talk with him about his wishes. It's a hard conversation, I've had it with many patients and their family members, as well as my dad. If he declines, does he want hospitalization? Is he a DNR/DNI? Does he wish for artificial hydration and nutrition to be used to keep him alive? Is there DPOA paperwork in place?

One of the hardest /easiest things I've done was tell the doctor not to do surgery on my dad, knowing it would result in my dad's death. Hardest because I knew it would mean he would die. Easiest because we'd had a long discussion before he even got sick and I knew what his wishes were in various situations, so I knew I was doing the right thing by honoring his wishes

[Anonymous]

My dad went through a spell like that last year when he was in a nursing home. He had a number of health issues (broken vertebrae, dementia, diabetes, etc.) to begin with. He also has constipation and impacted bowel. Because of his diabetes, they had him on Ozempic. He was skin and bones, literally fading away, and ended up in the ER. Once they dealt with the constipation and took him off Ozempic, they started him on some sort of appetite stimulant drink (I think it was strawberry flavored?) and Boost. Those three things (dealing with the constipation, stopping Ozempic, and using the appetite stimulant) really turned things around.

It also seemed to help if I read to him while he ate. He wasn’t able to follow stories at the time, so I just read him the little blurbs from Reader’s Digest. Once he started eating again, he decided ranch dressing made everything taste better and started applying it liberally to most of his food.

He’s doing much better now. He’s home again and eats pretty normally. While he’s still pretty frail, we no longer worry that he’s starving to death.

I think COVID can affect the way food tastes and smells, even after the sickness is over. Could that be an issue?

I don’t know if any of this is relevant to your dad, but I hope you find answers and he’s able to recover.

[Anonymous]

Common, I'd call in hospice.

[Anonymous]

It's ok OP. It's his choice, you have to honor it. This is very common in the elderly, and it's not a terrible way to die.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to accept but he might be ready to go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Common, I'd call in hospice.

So they can hurry him out the door?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Common, I'd call in hospice.

So they can hurry him out the door?

Unfortunately, they don't do that or that was our experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Common, I'd call in hospice.

So they can hurry him out the door?

Unfortunately, they don't do that or that was our experience.

Many do - our experience with one of the big hospice companies in the area was terrible b/c they were convinced he was on his way out despite his improvement & will to live. They 100% accelerated my dad's death and it was awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL did this when she was done with living, and just wanted to let go. She was skin and bones when she passed at 90.

My elderly cousin did this also. I don't know I'd describe as skin and bones but she was just done and wanted to move on. Stopped eating. Stopped engaging.

[Anonymous]

Once you stop eating is when you pass. If it's a purposeful decision you should accept it.

I don't get why people feel that you have to live forever. At a certain point you may decide you're at peace and ready to go. As someone who loves that person, it's hard to let go, but it's so much more loving to accept free will. One day it may be just as applicable to you.