Am I worrying over nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

All three of my kids went to centers, and they got plenty of one-on-one time because at any given time, some of the babies are sleeping and some are playing happily by themselves, freeing up the teachers to focus on a single kid. I do think there are kids who need to be held all the time, and for them, the choice may be between a nanny and a miserable child. But a baby needing to be upright because of reflux is pretty common, and a daycare should be able to cope with that.

Yes, and this scenario just can't happen in a daycare. The other kids will never be sleeping, eating, or playing by themselves, so your child will never get one on one care like they will at a center with 20 infants.

I think a lot of you are overreacting to the daycare provider's comment. She didn't say she would not hold the OP's infant. She also didn't say she'd be holding the other infant all day. The way I read it was more of a "If your child is used to being held 24-7, when she starts daycare it will be a tough transition because she isn't going to get that here. If you help her learn how to cope with independent play/non-holding time, it will be easier on everyone." That is a perfectly reasonable statement to me.

My mother is a childcare provider, and she can absolutely tell which babies get held 24-7 at home. They are MISERABLE at daycare because they want to be held all the time. It is not physically possible for a good daycare provider to hold an infant 90% of its waking hours. They'd be neglecting the other kids. It is fine if you do that at home, and I don't see anything wrong with doing that at home, but as parents you must acknowledge that your infant will be less able to cope with less attention in a daycare setting.

I totally agree with this, too.

OP, did your provider say she was not going to hold your child upright after feedings? I don't see why we are even debating this issue.

[Anonymous]

Find new help NOW!!!!!

[Anonymous]

I'm a home daycare provider, and the parent of a teenage daughter. While she does help out on occasion, I would not say that she is my assistant. I'm not saying that I don't trust her, because I absolutely do. She babysits for my daycare kids during the weekends alot. I just know that she's pretty nervous around babies and doesn't like to hold them because of how fragile she thinks they are. She does great with the older kids, though! For me, I like having a small group of kids so there's no need to have an assistant. Also, I would ask the provider if she is really up to having so many infants. I am licensed to be allowed 2 under the age of 18 months and I've done it before. It isn't too much fun. I also worked in an infant room and it stinks when all of the babies get hungry all at once. Maybe if I had more arms, then it would be easier, lol! You may want to look elsewhere, because some providers get in over their heads but they don't want to admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another provider.

Its not reasonable or professional to hire a teenager as an assistant. I wouldn't be comfortable with a teenager being responsible for assisting with 3 infants.

Also, the comment about "training" your child is terrible.

I worked as a infant "teacher" in a daycare and no way, no how would I have ever suggested something like this to a parent. First off, it's a horrible suggestion to say that infants do not need to be held or need the care an attention of an adult and second it gives you insite into how the provider generally views care for infants - as long as they aren't crying they are fine and they don't need to be bothered with...

As an infant teacher in a daycare, how did you hold, feed and play with 3-4 infants at once? How did you manage it then? I'm not being smart, I really want to know.

It's not that hard really.

For eating, I could hold one on my laptop and feed three that were sitting in low chairs (basically wood high chairs that do not have legs - no tipping/falling hazard).

For playing, I would usually sit on the floor and hold the youngest one(s), the others would crawl over, we would play for a few minutes they would crawl off, others would crawl over, repeat, other teacher changed diapers, etc.

Most of the kids slept at the same time. It just worked out that way because they all came in and ate about the same time and since they could only go a few hours between eating and sleepings so all the babies gravitated to the same schedule almost. There were always a few - usually 2 or 3 - who didn't on any given day so while the others were sleeping we would just have the few to hang out with - sit in the rocking chair, look at picture books, silly games, sometimes we would take the child next door and visit the older kids for a few mintues, or take them outside for a short "nature" walk (near the center because we couldn't be away from the center with out 2 adults).

It was a fun job and yes there were some days when they would all cry at once but it just happens and you deal with it. I would probably still be working in daycare if they pay wasn't so low

[Anonymous]

It's not that hard really.

For eating, I could hold one on my laptop and feed three that were sitting in low chairs (basically wood high chairs that do not have legs - no tipping/falling hazard).

For playing, I would usually sit on the floor and hold the youngest one(s), the others would crawl over, we would play for a few minutes they would crawl off, others would crawl over, repeat, other teacher changed diapers, etc.

Most of the kids slept at the same time. It just worked out that way because they all came in and ate about the same time and since they could only go a few hours between eating and sleepings so all the babies gravitated to the same schedule almost. There were always a few - usually 2 or 3 - who didn't on any given day so while the others were sleeping we would just have the few to hang out with - sit in the rocking chair, look at picture books, silly games, sometimes we would take the child next door and visit the older kids for a few mintues, or take them outside for a short "nature" walk (near the center because we couldn't be away from the center with out 2 adults).

It was a fun job and yes there were some days when they would all cry at once but it just happens and you deal with it. I would probably still be working in daycare if they pay wasn't so low .

This doesn't sound like anything special or unusual.

I STILL don't get why OP worried from the one comment that the provider she's never even used yet is planning to ignore her baby, not hold her, and refuse to hold her upright after bottles. The assistant thing I can see needing to look more in to. But pulling a child out of a daycare after paying to hold a spot for several months just because you are afraid to ask a few more questions to clarify what a provider meant? OP will never be happy with any provider or daycare center anywhere, because someone is going to make some comment that will worry her.

Seriously, just ask the provider what she meant. Just ask her if she thinks she'll be able to hold your baby upright after she eats. If you don't like the response, find another provider.

[Anonymous]

NEVER ignore your feelings/instincts when it comes to your child. I don't think you are worrying over nothing. Babies need to be held, and they need extra attention when they are transitioning to a new environment.

I don't think you can "train" a baby not to need being held, and I would be concerned that if she thinks your baby needs this, she'll decide to do it herself and ignore your baby when she cries.

With the 18 yr old daughter, one of the best teachers at my daycare has been there 6 yrs and is almost 24, as long as the new teacher has proper guidance she should be ok.

Visit the daycare with your infant for a half-day and see how things are being run currently, how the provider reacts to your daughter in person, how your baby reacts; you'll be much better able to gauge in person if your baby will adjust to the situation and be well cared for.

If the provider holds her a lot during her first visit, I think you'll feel better about her level of interest in your child's well being and about your baby having a smooth transition into her care.

If you hold your baby for most of the visit, and no one at the daycare shows much interest in holding her, I'd be concerned.

It concerns me too that she didn't let you know her child occupancy and staff would be changing. I would mention to her that you want to know about changes in her occupancy/rates, teachers, etc. She should keep you abreast of that.

Best of luck, let us know how it goes!

[Anonymous]

Visit the daycare with your infant for a half-day and see how things are being run currently, how the provider reacts to your daughter in person, how your baby reacts; you'll be much better able to gauge in person if your baby will adjust to the situation and be well cared for.

Excellent idea.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I guess I wasn't particularly clear in my original post. Her "assistant" is 14, sophomore in highschool. I would have no issue with an 18 year old (aka an adult) helping her out, but she "hired" her daughter to save money.

I think it'll be fine though, the alternatives that we can afford are really much worse. I think that I'll keep looking for something if I still don't feel comfortable when she's actually there, but my baby is only going to be there for four hours a day for at least the next 6 months (I'm working a very reduced work schedule for the next six months), so what's the worst that could happen.

Thanks everyone for the comments/advice!

[Anonymous]

Where is this daycare? In VA 14 year olds are no longer allowed to be assistants starting July 1st. Now the age is 16.

[Anonymous]

It's natural to worry...but to me there are some red, or at least yellow, flags.

A 14 year old?(not to mention..why isn't this 14 year old in school?)? Has she had much experience caring for infants?

and, telling you to train the baby not to be held? huh? I have a pretty "independent" baby--eg he can play on his own for a while, but when he needs to be held, he makes it clear. He is in an infant room in a daycare, but he is often being held, sometimes two on the teacher's lap. and there's a mix of ages so many of the kids are crawling and more independent. There are 3 under 6 months for 2 teachers (sometimes 3 as there is a floater).

I'd try a couple half days but also look into alternative care in case you decide to pull out.

[Anonymous]

Hiring a teenager suddenly makes her qualified for a 3rd infant? I'd look into that much closer. Where's the 3rd crib? What are the licensing regulations for home daycares in terms of ratios? I think it's different than at centers where kids are grouped by age/classroom/specific ratios. It just doesn't sound right. Seems like she took advantage of your monthly cash, didn't really hold the spot and is now trying to quick make up for her own gaff by hiring her 14 yr old daugher. and I agree with someone who said --- isn't she in school? OK maybe not for the summer, but still. What happens in Sept. when she still has 3 babies under 2? I'd really look into the licensing issue and make absolutely sure that SHE is licensed for 3 infants at the moment you begin taking your baby there. Please make her show you documented proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I guess I wasn't particularly clear in my original post. Her "assistant" is 14, sophomore in highschool. I would have no issue with an 18 year old (aka an adult) helping her out, but she "hired" her daughter to save money.

I think it'll be fine though, the alternatives that we can afford are really much worse. I think that I'll keep looking for something if I still don't feel comfortable when she's actually there, but my baby is only going to be there for four hours a day for at least the next 6 months (I'm working a very reduced work schedule for the next six months), so what's the worst that could happen.

Thanks everyone for the comments/advice!

Plenty can happen in 4 hours. Honestly, a 14yo? You should look for other care.

[Anonymous]

here's the thing - I'd be skeptical about whether her daughter is really going to help or is really going to be in her room texting her friends, because if she's really "on the job" 3 babies, while hectic, isn't all that crazy for two people to handle and your baby should be able to be held, if not all the time, a lot - supplemented with some bouncy, swing, playing on playmat, playing on blanket - just like anyone does

so I guess I'm wondering WHY she is so concerned about making sure your child doesn't need to be held all the time because two people can hold at least two babies at one time, and maybe even a third (you can hold two at once sometimes)

I've had friends with nanny shares with two infants where the nanny has even worn two babies at once - not saying you can expect that, but it certainly can be done

[Anonymous]

ditto 11:36. Personally, I wouldn't be that comfortable with a 14-year-old. And even if what the provider tells you is logical, I wouldn't be able to ignore it if what/how she said something didn't sit right with me. I agree with pps about asking her more about this and seeing how she reacts. Good luck!

to pp who uses the boppy--it should NOT be used for sleeping! I've heard that the child can asphyxiate if the neck is compressed. From the boppy website:

"Is the Boppy pillow safe for baby to sleep on?

Never, ever allow baby to fall asleep on the Boppy pillow. Do not allow baby to lie face down on a Boppy pillow. Do not use in crib, cradle, bassinet, playpen, play yard or bed. Do not leave baby unattended - adult supervision is required. Improper use of this product could result in serious injury or death."

[Anonymous]

If I were in your position, I think I'd find something else.

The only way you're going to get one-on-one care is if you hire your own nanny. It sounds like you can't afford that (we can't either!) so we went with a nanny share.

Your daycare provider is correct in that your child isn't going to be able to be held all the time - but, since there are medical reasons baby needs to be held after feedings, you want to find a situation where you are confident that will happen.

I think you can find a nanny share where there is another child maybe a bit older than yours (not too much older - you ultimately want them to be playmates) but who might require a bit less hands-on care and then you'd feel more confident.

I'm sorry, I had a 14 year old babysitter who was great but I just don't think I'd be comfortable with a full-time daycare assistant that age. There are other options out there - we found a great nanny-share (via this site, actually) on very short notice. I think you should explore some of the alternatives....