Protecting my neighbor from abusive husband

[Anonymous]

My neighbor has been dealing with her abusive husband for months now and I'm at a loss for how messed up family court is in Virginia. They hate women! How are you supposed to leave an abusive marriage?

In November, she called the cops on him and they did nothing. Even though she had videos. She told me they were not concerned by her videos. Then, she gets in trouble because he lies to the police about stuff he did to the house. I don't get it?!?! This area seems so progressive, but she's going to be falsely accused right into jail. I cannot even be her support system because his lawyer shark subpeonas like it's going out of style.

Our entire street has banded together to be her tribe. I'm rallying up everyone i know to help her. We watch him day and night to make sure he knows we all have HER back. Are there any compassionate resources out there for women being abused by the system?

[Anonymous]

She needs to leave and go far away. Do any of you have a second home out of the area you can get her to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to leave and go far away. Do any of you have a second home out of the area you can get her to?

She has kids and cannot take them out of the marital home or away from the father.

[Anonymous]

She needs an attorney to leave properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to leave and go far away. Do any of you have a second home out of the area you can get her to?

She has kids and cannot take them out of the marital home or away from the father.

Which is why she needs to see an attorney to proceed the right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to leave and go far away. Do any of you have a second home out of the area you can get her to?

She has kids and cannot take them out of the marital home or away from the father.

Yes she can as long as he knows where they are. Then he has to file an emergency custody order to get them back. She has to have a well-documented record of abuse for this reason to hold water though.

[Anonymous]

A woman that is close to me used to go outside when her husband started up with her. He was very concerned about appearances and if he followed her out, he would not scream and threaten like he did inside the house. You could have her try that, so that either he calms down, or if he persists, you can record it and call the police. You can also (if safe) ring their bell or call them when you hear yelling, to let him know people are watching. Another thing you can do is offer to watch their kids, for example if she has to go to court or to the police station.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman that is close to me used to go outside when her husband started up with her. He was very concerned about appearances and if he followed her out, he would not scream and threaten like he did inside the house. You could have her try that, so that either he calms down, or if he persists, you can record it and call the police. You can also (if safe) ring their bell or call them when you hear yelling, to let him know people are watching. Another thing you can do is offer to watch their kids, for example if she has to go to court or to the police station.

That works til he sees what she’s doing and blocks the door/prevents her from leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs an attorney to leave properly.

She has one but this area is a joke. He's getting nothing done and now her husband has temporary control over the house AND kids. This state is evil! We have those outer suburb problems. Richest county in the US but with the most conservatives in court apparently. We can't go into the court room with her or help her sort through discovery but he can have support?!?! It makes me sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs an attorney to leave properly.

She has one but this area is a joke. He's getting nothing done and now her husband has temporary control over the house AND kids. This state is evil! We have those outer suburb problems. Richest county in the US but with the most conservatives in court apparently. We can't go into the court room with her or help her sort through discovery but he can have support?!?! It makes me sick.

Western Loudoun Mom didn’t get enough attention in her other thread.

[Anonymous]

No, not ones that can actually do anything in this situation. Now you know why victims stay.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if OP is a troll or not, but it definitely seems like the more narcissistic partner can have a field day manipulating the court system. I am watching this process with my cousin and his STBX. From the beginning she has made false allegations, filed restraining orders, and basically said and done anything she can to make his life a living hell, and there seems to be very little he can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if OP is a troll or not, but it definitely seems like the more narcissistic partner can have a field day manipulating the court system. I am watching this process with my cousin and his STBX. From the beginning she has made false allegations, filed restraining orders, and basically said and done anything she can to make his life a living hell, and there seems to be very little he can do about it.

Temporary restraining orders? Or Interim ones? Or protective orders?

The burden of proof with an actual protective order or even a temporary one is extremely high. Interim ones are up to the judgement of the officer that takes the complaint and can be biased because only one side is presenting evidence.

Don’t assume that just because you get along with the accused but he seems nice enough that he isn’t guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if OP is a troll or not, but it definitely seems like the more narcissistic partner can have a field day manipulating the court system. I am watching this process with my cousin and his STBX. From the beginning she has made false allegations, filed restraining orders, and basically said and done anything she can to make his life a living hell, and there seems to be very little he can do about it.

Temporary restraining orders? Or Interim ones? Or protective orders?

The burden of proof with an actual protective order or even a temporary one is extremely high. Interim ones are up to the judgement of the officer that takes the complaint and can be biased because only one side is presenting evidence.

Don’t assume that just because you get along with the accused but he seems nice enough that he isn’t guilty.

Probably an interim order- with all of the delays, it lasted almost 9 months. So it was nine months my cousin couldn’t see his kids without a court appointed supervisor and didn’t have access to his own house.

When the court date finally came the judge told the STBX she had lost her credibility because of the numerous texts she sent my cousin trying to get back together, trying to get money, and all of the times she showed up at his Airbnb harassing him. Not exactly what you do when you are fearful. So that was thrown out and she just filed for ANOTHER protective order/restraining order against the judge’s recommendation. She is also on her second or third lawyer.

My cousin actually isn’t that great and I don’t know what kind of husband he was but this woman is a complete psycho. She goes back and forth between texting him about what a monster and terrible husband/father he is and how she would like to get back together so that she can go to school and become a clinical psychologist (throughout their 10 year marriage she declined to work and was always “studying” for a new career, she was going to med school, then veterinary school, etc.). I don’t think my cousin is a dream man (although he is a high earner) but this woman is mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs an attorney to leave properly.

She has one but this area is a joke. He's getting nothing done and now her husband has temporary control over the house AND kids. This state is evil! We have those outer suburb problems. Richest county in the US but with the most conservatives in court apparently. We can't go into the court room with her or help her sort through discovery but he can have support?!?! It makes me sick.

You are free to leave. Adios. Adieu. Bye.