+1 Courts stink in MD and VA. |
My friend who I'm helping, like anyone, isn't perfect. My friend's lawyer said that cross examination is a real problem and works against victims like my friend. |
IME as the victim you get all your evidence (photos, recordings, videos, journal) lined uo and filed somewhere safe. You set up a place to land with your kids like a friends house or ideally a furnished apartment and put clothes & valuables there. You find a job if you don’t have one or borrow money for 3-6 months. Then you wait until an incident where he physically hurts you or kids, report to police, file a report, leave with kids (but within state and tell him where you are), file a restraining order if he harassed you, and file for divorce. It’s really all or nothing bc abusers are not deterred by you filing a police report and they will make your life a living hell if you attempt to live with them after doing that (plus the police will not take you seriously if you return). |
As the neighbor, you can help by installing recording doorbells cameras that point at their house. If you capture anything on video, make sure neighbor can use it legally. |
Outsource. |
Where in VA. Fairfax should be doing better. check out the women's center |
Np. Such an ignorant comment. 🙄 |
Police hate domestic calls because the two people who were trying to tear each other limb from limb moments ago will turn in unison on the police.
It is not your job, or the neighborhood’s job, to “rescue” your neighbor. She knows she can leave. She’s decided not. It is unwise and perilous to insert oneself into the domestic affairs of others. |
We're also friends and we all have cameras but none of them show him acting in a way that is useful to this case. The entire street pours over footage but it's infuriating. He goes to work, comes home, works on house or yard, and nothing. He's so careful not to do anything out of line in the view of our cameras. |
That’s called due process that you and your friend don’t like, but only when it applies to men. |
The hard truth is your friend is going to have to sacrifice and give up a lot to leave him. Even if he is abusive she will lose her standard of living and probably half of custody since courts don’t care about spousal abuse the my won’t restrict unless he is also abusing the children AND she has proof.
Until she can accept those losses she’s stuck in this situation. |
You (and she) should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for advice on how to help and how she can leave safely.
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/when-a-survivor-asks-you-for-help/ You and your neighbors should be careful, too. You may be putting yourselves at risk of harm by helping her. |
Ah. So piecing together the scenario from OP's borderline incoherent posts: - The police, when called, did not find sufficient evidence to take action against the husband, even when the friend provided “video evidence.” - The friend is being accused of something that could land her in jail, and she is in legal jeopardy because of claims her husband has made. - The husband has the right to stay in the house and has custody of the children. - OP apparently knows information about her friend that could adversely affect the case, such that her friend’s lawyer is nervous about OP testifying. - Despite OP (and, to hear her tell it, the “entire street” taping all interactions with this couple, no one has come up with any video evidence that can be used against the husband. I obviously have no idea what is really going on with this family. But it’s entirely possible that OP doesn’t either. The police and justice system could be corrupt, and the husband could be manipulating everyone. Or there may be a lot more to the story. |
Good for you for doing the right thing OP. |
I wish you were my neighbor OP. I am in the same situation. My parents are local and even they don’t want to get involved bc spouse is so unpleasant. I am really on my own dealing with a mentally ill spouse who will not accept that I do not want to be married to him. |