Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account

[Anonymous]

Not a troll post.

Boyfriend of one year agreed we are exclusive. We texted all day, saw each other 5-6x per month, and called regularly.

Come to find out, BF has a OLD account (FB dating). Was super upset when I found it.

I saw that he didn’t update any pics - but, he had updated sections of the profile within the time we are dating.

I confronted him about it & he immediately said he doesn’t use the account and deleted it. He didn’t have a good reason for updating the profile during the time we dated.

I just struggled to believe him. We definitely love each other but I just didn’t buy that the OLD profile was not being used because i pictured him getting notifications regularly.

What would you have done in my situation?

He told me he loves me and would never cheat on me, and that he never cheated on me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll post.

Boyfriend of one year agreed we are exclusive. We texted all day, saw each other 5-6x per month, and called regularly.

Come to find out, BF has a OLD account (FB dating). Was super upset when I found it.

I saw that he didn’t update any pics - but, he had updated sections of the profile within the time we are dating.

I confronted him about it & he immediately said he doesn’t use the account and deleted it. He didn’t have a good reason for updating the profile during the time we dated.

I just struggled to believe him. We definitely love each other but I just didn’t buy that the OLD profile was not being used because i pictured him getting notifications regularly.

What would you have done in my situation?

He told me he loves me and would never cheat on me, and that he never cheated on me

Why'd you only see each other 5-6x per month? Maybe he wasn't satisfied with that arrangement but didn't want to come out and say it and sound needy or hurt your feelings?

[Anonymous]

Due to our respective custody schedules. When we have our kids we focus on them, and see each other in our noncustodial weeks.

I should caveat that we matched on FB dating, so I knew what the original profile looked like, and knew what he changed

[Anonymous]

You trust him or you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to our respective custody schedules. When we have our kids we focus on them, and see each other in our noncustodial weeks.

I should caveat that we matched on FB dating, so I knew what the original profile looked like, and knew what he changed

Break up and move on. He probably wanted to break up too if he was still looking, but for whatever reason couldn't man up and do it.

[Anonymous]

Move on. Plenty of other men out there for a single mother with limited free time due to custody schedule.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It feels binary. I just feel like men nowadays want to have their cake & eat it too. They enjoy the stability and benefits of monogamy but add cheating to the mix because they have endless opportunities to do so.

[Anonymous]

I did break up but he was so upset. Proceeded to tell me he loves me, would never do anything to hurt me, was faithful, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It feels binary. I just feel like men nowadays want to have their cake & eat it too. They enjoy the stability and benefits of monogamy but add cheating to the mix because they have endless opportunities to do so.

I don't think that men who are divorced with kids generally view their post-divorce relationships as monogamous. They've already been married, now they're single. At most, you're their go-to or their number one option. I wouldn't get so emotionally invested in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You trust him or you don’t.

This! What does it matter what we would’ve done in your situation? I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone I did not trust. And as your BF, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who did not trust me.

You probably did the best thing for both of you by breaking up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It feels binary. I just feel like men nowadays want to have their cake & eat it too. They enjoy the stability and benefits of monogamy but add cheating to the mix because they have endless opportunities to do so.

I don't think that men who are divorced with kids generally view their post-divorce relationships as monogamous. They've already been married, now they're single. At most, you're their go-to or their number one option. I wouldn't get so emotionally invested in them.

Really?? Maybe you are right.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t have a lot of post divorce dating experience. This was my first relationship and the first time dating since the early 2000s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It feels binary. I just feel like men nowadays want to have their cake & eat it too. They enjoy the stability and benefits of monogamy but add cheating to the mix because they have endless opportunities to do so.

I don't think that men who are divorced with kids generally view their post-divorce relationships as monogamous. They've already been married, now they're single. At most, you're their go-to or their number one option. I wouldn't get so emotionally invested in them.

Really?? Maybe you are right.

I'm probably more cynical than I am right. I hope you have better experiences going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t have a lot of post divorce dating experience. This was my first relationship and the first time dating since the early 2000s.

Do you have a public instagram account and post photos random strangers like? I consider that similar to OLD -- looking for validation from strangers.

[Anonymous]

No, I have very nominal use of SM. Just FB (which is fairly boring) and LinkedIn.