Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account

[Anonymous]

So, OP, do you have a problem with trust so it is hard when he did this, which may be benign? If so, maybe it is something you want to work through with a therapist on this issue. Are there other red flags? Why were you looking at his old page - because other red flags you were seeing? Look dating is assessing if you are a good fit. Maybe he had one foot in and one foot out and that is when he updated. Maybe he was processing his feelings about you. Why would he say he loved you - if he doesn’t? I don’t have any answers for you, but agree trusting your intuition is usually a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll post.

Boyfriend of one year agreed we are exclusive. We texted all day, saw each other 5-6x per month, and called regularly.

Come to find out, BF has a OLD account (FB dating). Was super upset when I found it.

I saw that he didn’t update any pics - but, he had updated sections of the profile within the time we are dating.

I confronted him about it & he immediately said he doesn’t use the account and deleted it. He didn’t have a good reason for updating the profile during the time we dated.

I just struggled to believe him. We definitely love each other but I just didn’t buy that the OLD profile was not being used because i pictured him getting notifications regularly.

What would you have done in my situation?

He told me he loves me and would never cheat on me, and that he never cheated on me

At least you have standards and limits. Read the posting about the one whose bf steals groceries and she can’t seem to break away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he updated during the time you were exclusive?

I don't delete my accounts, but I'm not active on them either.

Yes he made a few small updates. He then admitted he made an update during our time that we were exclusive.

Yeah he's a cheat. Good riddance. Another frog to cross off the list

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he updated during the time you were exclusive?

I don't delete my accounts, but I'm not active on them either.

Yes he made a few small updates. He then admitted he made an update during our time that we were exclusive.

There’s your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll post.

Boyfriend of one year agreed we are exclusive. We texted all day, saw each other 5-6x per month, and called regularly.

Come to find out, BF has a OLD account (FB dating). Was super upset when I found it.

I saw that he didn’t update any pics - but, he had updated sections of the profile within the time we are dating.

I confronted him about it & he immediately said he doesn’t use the account and deleted it. He didn’t have a good reason for updating the profile during the time we dated.

I just struggled to believe him. We definitely love each other but I just didn’t buy that the OLD profile was not being used because i pictured him getting notifications regularly.

What would you have done in my situation?

He told me he loves me and would never cheat on me, and that he never cheated on me

At least you have standards and limits. Read the posting about the one whose bf steals groceries and she can’t seem to break away.

Hands down my favorite thread this year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, do you have a problem with trust so it is hard when he did this, which may be benign? If so, maybe it is something you want to work through with a therapist on this issue. Are there other red flags? Why were you looking at his old page - because other red flags you were seeing? Look dating is assessing if you are a good fit. Maybe he had one foot in and one foot out and that is when he updated. Maybe he was processing his feelings about you. Why would he say he loved you - if he doesn’t? I don’t have any answers for you, but agree trusting your intuition is usually a good idea.

I do have trust issues bc ex DH cheated and put me thru the ringer. Betrayal trauma is so damaging. I tried to trust my bf, and I did, but a part of me believes in “trust AND verify.” When I found his profile I was shook. I don’t even know if anything happened but I psychologically went right back to the betrayal trauma in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

He is most definitely going outside the boundaries of your relationship for whatever reason which is simply not acceptable.

It will be tough to do - but you must not fall for his tears 😭, etc.

Let him go NOW before he has a chance to hurt you even more later on.

Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. we are still broken up but I’m perseverating. He has insisted over and over that he didn’t cheat, loves me, misses me. In fact he’s upset because he feels wrongly accused and is mad that I’m “investigating” him. He’s given me distance and isn’t love bombing me but has asserted he did not cheat in any way.

I just told him - it’s hard to catch actual cheating. But signs of cheating are more commonplace and can’t be ignored. If there isn’t a clear explanation… then I’m gone.

I miss him a lot and wish it didn’t end. I believe he still loves me. But I’m telling myself that some men love their partners but either like going up to the line or cross the line. Not because they are out of love, but because they can and because the opportunity is there. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of him. Why did he even have a dating profile up at all???? My boyfriend and I (both divorced) deleted ours happily after a few weeks of dating.

[Anonymous]

If he'd never do anything to hurt you or cheat on you, why did he a) keep the profile up and b) continue to UPDATE IT???

He's a liar and a cheat. Dont even look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP. we are still broken up but I’m perseverating. He has insisted over and over that he didn’t cheat, loves me, misses me. In fact he’s upset because he feels wrongly accused and is mad that I’m “investigating” him. He’s given me distance and isn’t love bombing me but has asserted he did not cheat in any way.

I just told him - it’s hard to catch actual cheating. But signs of cheating are more commonplace and can’t be ignored. If there isn’t a clear explanation… then I’m gone.

I miss him a lot and wish it didn’t end. I believe he still loves me. But I’m telling myself that some men love their partners but either like going up to the line or cross the line. Not because they are out of love, but because they can and because the opportunity is there. Sigh.

Block this clown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he updated during the time you were exclusive?

I don't delete my accounts, but I'm not active on them either.

Yes he made a few small updates. He then admitted he made an update during our time that we were exclusive.

There’s your answer.

If he can't give you a good reason as to why he did this, then he has clearly shown you can't trust him.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, his explanation didn’t make a lot of sense. He said he updated it when we broke up (we broke up for 2 days several months ago) and said he thought he deleted it but it stayed on. But my retort was, surely you got a ton of notifications?? I left my FB dating page up and got so many notifications within just a few hrs.

[Anonymous]

So you also had a profile there and keep receiving updates and that's how you found out? So you didn't delete your profile either?

hmmmm

[Anonymous]

I left mine up for a few hours after catching him. I debated whether I should “test” him by sending him a match (to see if he’d bring it up). I left it on and open to his profile but then I decided to just confront him instead of “testing” him, which felt ridiculous. I have since deleted it. But my point to him was, I left mine up for several hrs and got tons of notifications. I feel there’s a slim chance he was unaware that his profile was on.