how to tell 10 yo they have to change schools

[Anonymous]

DD10 has very low frustration tolerance. We've had several assessments, but nothing has turned up beyond "mild anxiety" for which she has been in unsuccessful therapy. Unfortunately, her private school is no longer willing to handle her outbursts and has suggested she go public next year.

She will be devastated. And obviously, she'll blame herself. What can we do to make this transition better for her?

[Anonymous]

Medicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medicate.

What, so she's too dumb to care? Bad advice.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t been in your situation, but it’s good for all kids to learn how to get over disappointment and learn from their mistakes.

My DD was devastated when her friend group finally kicked her out due to her poor behavior. This was the event that finally caused her to speak with a therapist and learn to be a better friend. It was a painful lesson, but we are all grateful for the change and maturation it brought about.

Good luck to your daughter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t been in your situation, but it’s good for all kids to learn how to get over disappointment and learn from their mistakes.

My DD was devastated when her friend group finally kicked her out due to her poor behavior. This was the event that finally caused her to speak with a therapist and learn to be a better friend. It was a painful lesson, but we are all grateful for the change and maturation it brought about.

Good luck to your daughter!

Please don't call a mental illness "a mistake."

[Anonymous]

PP here. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing for your DD to blame herself. She needs to work on being more flexible and patient, right? I mean, you’re not excusing her behavior, are you? You do want her to grow, right?

It’s good to take responsibility for one’s behavior, and it’s actually empowering to realize that we can change our mindset and behavior to achieve desired outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t been in your situation, but it’s good for all kids to learn how to get over disappointment and learn from their mistakes.

My DD was devastated when her friend group finally kicked her out due to her poor behavior. This was the event that finally caused her to speak with a therapist and learn to be a better friend. It was a painful lesson, but we are all grateful for the change and maturation it brought about.

Good luck to your daughter!

Please don't call a mental illness "a mistake."

PP here. Low frustration tolerance is not a mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing for your DD to blame herself. She needs to work on being more flexible and patient, right? I mean, you’re not excusing her behavior, are you? You do want her to grow, right?

It’s good to take responsibility for one’s behavior, and it’s actually empowering to realize that we can change our mindset and behavior to achieve desired outcomes.

Yes, I actually think it's awful for a child to blame herself because we haven't been able to obtain a diagnosis and therefore she hasn't had appropriate treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t been in your situation, but it’s good for all kids to learn how to get over disappointment and learn from their mistakes.

My DD was devastated when her friend group finally kicked her out due to her poor behavior. This was the event that finally caused her to speak with a therapist and learn to be a better friend. It was a painful lesson, but we are all grateful for the change and maturation it brought about.

Good luck to your daughter!

Please don't call a mental illness "a mistake."

PP here. Low frustration tolerance is not a mental illness.

It's a symptom of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing for your DD to blame herself. She needs to work on being more flexible and patient, right? I mean, you’re not excusing her behavior, are you? You do want her to grow, right?

It’s good to take responsibility for one’s behavior, and it’s actually empowering to realize that we can change our mindset and behavior to achieve desired outcomes.

Yes, I actually think it's awful for a child to blame herself because we haven't been able to obtain a diagnosis and therefore she hasn't had appropriate treatment.

Not everything needs a diagnosis. She needs to learn and/or you need to teach her what is appropriate and discipline her.

[Anonymous]

OP again.

And I guess the other question is, how do we help her in a future where she won't any friends? I would never let my child be friends with someone who was kicked out of school, so I am sure the parents in her new public will feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Your child is 10. If her behavior is so bad that it’s getting her kicked out of school, she either:

1.) has some undiagnosed issue
2.) she has never been disciplined in her life.

Have you done a neuropsych?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child is 10. If her behavior is so bad that it’s getting her kicked out of school, she either:

1.) has some undiagnosed issue
2.) she has never been disciplined in her life.

Have you done a neuropsych?

Yes. Twice. Like I said, both showed nothing other than mild anxiety.

She is constantly disciplined for not abiding by our rules, so often that it's exhausting and I wish I had never had kids.

[Anonymous]

What on earth?? You would not let your kid be friends IN ELEMENTARY with someone that wasn’t a good fit at private school? The fact that you are saying you would not do this knowing the situation with your own kid makes you sound like a complete jerk.

Setting that aside, the idea that parents at the other school will know why you changed schools sounds ludicrous to me.

I don’t understand why you aren’t trying anxiety meds for this kid. She DOES have a diagnosis. Try something that will potentially help her/

[Anonymous]

Constantly disciplining an anxious child sounds like a recipe for disaster. In addition to meds, have you tried SPACE therapy?