How did you know you were done having kids?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
If this was fortunate enough to be a choice for you, how did you know you were done? Did you feel 100% done? Was it a rational decision (bandwidth, finances, lifestyle choices, career, spouse at capacity)?
And what was the number of kids you stopped at? |
Anonymous
| My husband said "I'm done having kids. I'm ready to schedule my vasectomy." |
Anonymous
To expand - he grew up in a bigger family and just never wanted more than two. |
Anonymous
|
We have 3 and knew #3 was the last before I even got pregnant. Neither of us wanted more than that.
Age (35) and pregnancy complications (pre eclampsia) cemented that decision. |
Anonymous
|
Only planned on 2. Both of us were from 2 kid families. So 2 sons and done, basically.
I lightly wondered about a third but I knew DH couldn't take another round of baby years. I don't have regrets but know that I probably would have been fine with 3 or 4 if my spouse had wanted a big family. I would have liked to have had a girl for two reasons: 1) to pass on life lessons about being a woman and 2) the cute outfits. One good reason and one dumb reason. I bought my kids cute baby boy outfits and matching Christmas PJs up through the teen years and got that urge mostly out of my system. Regarding wish 1, I am so, so hopeful for my future DILs. I really hope they will like me and I can be a valued family member to help them through their lives. I am going to be a "gain a daughter" person if it's within my power. So, fine with stopping at 2. |
Anonymous
| When I hemorrhaged during the 2nd child’s birth. I was done. |
Anonymous
| We are two and done. We thought about a third but decided against it. We have the finances for additional children but stopping at two allows us more financial freedom. We can send both to private school, pay for college, pay for any extracurricular activities they want. Our house bedroom layout is perfect for two kids. Childcare is expensive and we don’t want to pay even more on top of what we do now. We can easily for both kids solo or tag team and take one each. I think that would be substantially harder with 1-2 more kids. Two kids just work for us. |
Anonymous
|
I have two. Before I had kids I used to joke I wanted somewhere between 1 and 5 — I loved the idea of a really big family but I also was the youngest in my family so I knew I didn’t really know how hard it was going to be to parent. After my first I knew instantly I was going to have another as soon as I possibly could. I was really hard for me to wait for a whole year to try for my second. Kids are 23 months apart. I found adjusting to being a parent of two harder than I anticipated emotionally (I went from having my oldest be the center of my universe to a binary system where both of their needs had to be considered and I found that really hard) and the financial reality of having two in daycare was unavoidable. Also, I wanted a new job and didn’t want to be going through trying/pregnancy/newborn phase while doing that. So I decided I was stopping at two, and gave away newborn stuff as my second finished with it. I still think wistfully about a third (or fourth) but the combination of finances, logistics, and emotional bandwidth make me feel like I just wouldn’t be as good a parent to three kids as I am to two.
Mentally, I’m leaving the door open for myself to foster when my bio kids head off to college but I’m done with bio kids I’m pretty sure. |
Anonymous
| I had one night of unprotected sex with my husband and cried myself to sleep worried that I might be pregnant. |
Anonymous
| I'd rather jump off a effing bridge than deal with my wife being pregnant again. |
Anonymous
This is so sweet. Your daughter in laws will be lucky to have a MIL like you ! |
Anonymous
| Practical decision to stop at two due to logistics (both have busy jobs with no local family) and finances. Can afford everything we need and want without much stress with two kids but a third would stretch us. Plus we enjoy travel and that’s likely easier with two. |
Anonymous
+1 I've also seen families with a bit of slack really need that time/money/flexibility to weather health crises and whatnot. I don't want to be stretched too thin on a good day! |
Anonymous
|
We stopped after 2. We had theoretically been open to having 3, but a few things made us stop at 2:
* We like our family dynamic with 4 of us. This was THE most important factor. * I didn't love being pregnant or post-op (mine were both C-sections) recovery. The infant stage was also not my favorite (the most fun age is 18 months-2.5 years old). My second didn't sleep through the night for the first 11 months, which was really, really hard. * DH and I like being able to provide 1:1 attention and divide and conquer activities as they have gotten older. * We have more money and time for each of their activities, for family vacations/travel, etc. Having only two also meant that we didn't need to factor more bedrooms into our housing search or invest in a minivan. |
Anonymous
| When I had a pregnancy scare and was extremely relieved when I tested negative. |