Keep mum or share the schools you're considering?

[Anonymous]

My hunch is definitely to keep quiet and not share the top schools on your list. While he understands this perspective, my DS loves to tell a story and it's not likely he won't discuss with friends. I wonder though - because they say you're really competing against the kids at your own school, is it that bad a move to share? I'd rather we keep it a secret but also see how sort of spreading the word and claiming a certain school might detract others from EDing there etc. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

I won't tell a soul other than my parents. People are snobs and will look down if we do, even with in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I won't tell a soul other than my parents. People are snobs and will look down if we do, even with in-laws.

That stinks. Eventually you'll have to though, no?

[Anonymous]

My hunch is it's best to keep quiet, but I see what you're saying about getting the word out there too.

[Anonymous]

My kid is very high stat which many people don't know since we have never talked about it with anyone other than grandparents and my siblings.

So when neighbors started asking us/him it was awkward. I just would say 'oh the usual--state schools and then name a mid-tier, etc.. If he mentioned a school when probed they would go on a rant about how hard it is to get in and have some safeties, blah, blah.

I told him to just be vague. I think he shared with his close friends though--no idea.

Anyways, he's had some great outcomes and did get into the 'school he would never get into'. lol

I've been surprised how many people have out right asked him when we have been out in the neighborhood. I didn't do that to any kids--I waited for them to mention it to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is very high stat which many people don't know since we have never talked about it with anyone other than grandparents and my siblings.

So when neighbors started asking us/him it was awkward. I just would say 'oh the usual--state schools and then name a mid-tier, etc.. If he mentioned a school when probed they would go on a rant about how hard it is to get in and have some safeties, blah, blah.

I told him to just be vague. I think he shared with his close friends though--no idea.

Anyways, he's had some great outcomes and did get into the 'school he would never get into'. lol

I've been surprised how many people have out right asked him when we have been out in the neighborhood. I didn't do that to any kids--I waited for them to mention it to me.

That's awesome, congrats. I think everyone is just curious and aware how tough admissions is these days, but I agree it's nice when people wait until the students/parents are ready to share.

[Anonymous]

I would not say anything concrete. Everyone is doing the same thing. Tell your kid to not discuss. Do you want your kid to hear his buddy is applying to the same school? It protects everyone to keep it in the immediate family.

[Anonymous]

We just went through this. I would recommend keeping it vague.
It is so much harder when everyone is asking you the minute results come out in the case that it is not +. This application cycle was really hard - and I know that for some of my son's friends having to share time and again disappointing news takes a toll.

Practice some generic responses - There are so many great schools out there and I am still figuring out how I am approaching this. (or a similar phrase).
You will have friends or family members who will keep poking you will need to provide cover with changing the topic.

[Anonymous]

No one cares. Almost everyone is genuinely rooting for your kid. Stop creating drama where none exists

[Anonymous]

I am not talking about my kids college process. By the time they're a senior in HS they can manage their own conversations however they choose. Once they decide where they're going I will ask if I can tell people.

[Anonymous]

Sharing is not good. As an earlier poster said, you can say something bland about applying to state schools, but DO NOT GET SPECIFIC ABOUT ANYTHING. When you share, you get garbage talk, you increase pressure on your kid to perform, and you make other kids aware of opportunities that they may not have considered. When our kid was accepted ED to a top SLAC, it was like a mic drop. No one saw it coming, and all anyone could say was “great job/congrats!” Let your results speak for you.

[Anonymous]

One caveat to not sharing: if your kid is applying only to non-selective schools, yap all you want.

[Anonymous]

Just have your kid give a blanket answer: my parents are alums to schools x and y and I’d love to follow in their footsteps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just have your kid give a blanket answer: my parents are alums to schools x and y and I’d love to follow in their footsteps.

Not if the school is hyper-selective. You’ll get all kinds of crap about the unfairness of legacy, any admission will be tarnished by the legacy boost, and if you don’t get in, they’ll guess your parents were too poor to make sufficient donations.

[Anonymous]

Well my kid only applied to in-state and adjacent state publics. We and he were very open and none of the conversations were weird at all. I can’t relate to why it would be awkward or competitive to talk about colleges.