Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
How do I nicely tell my MIL to stop using a nickname she created for my DD?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My DD is almost 3.5. My MIL who lives out of state has called her off/on my a nickname that I don't like. It's basically my DD's name but with a "y" added to it, so for example if the name was Mike, calling him Mikey. Get it. Ok, so I cringe when I hear the name. I've always not liked it but didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her not to use it. My DH doesn't think it's a big deal so he won't step up to his mother to ask her not to use it. Guess he thinks I'm being petty (and I'm sure some of you all will too). Anyways, my DD is old enough now that she is starting to sometimes refer to herself with this nickname. I feel like DH and I thought long and hard for a name for DD when I was pregnant and I'd like her to be called that name and not the nickname made up by my MIL. We skype w/ the inlaws each week b/c they are out of state and she used the nick name 4-6 times. I never use the nickname nor does DH. You'd think she get the hint. She also wrote the nickname down in a card for my DD. I was thinking of email her a nice note something to the fact that my DD is getting older and we'd like to stick w/ calling her by her real name and not the baby nickname. I don't want to upset/hurt her feelings, truly I don't. We'll see them in July at the beach, so I'm not sure if it's better to email her or just say something at the beach. What do you think? Have any nice words on how to say it in an email w/out hurting her feelings? |
Anonymous
|
Does the child like being called by the nickname?
If s/he doesn't then thats one approach. If there is a battle to be fought here you need to have your husband behind it (and leading it) else it will go nowhere. I suspect you saying something alone will be not appreciated or honored. Unfortunately that has been my experience. I've been ridiculed until i get my husband behind it and then there is some real progress. goo luck! |
Anonymous
|
This is about the relationship between your daughter and her grandmother. The fact that you "thought long and hard" about her name isn't really relevant. Are you going to harass her future spouse for calling her "honey", too?
Your behavior isn't so much petty as it is controlling. Someday, if your daughter objects to being called Mikey, you can back her up in confronting grandma about it. Back away for now. |
Anonymous
| I completely understand that this would be annoying. My advice -- since you asked -- is that being mildly irritated by things grandparents do is part of the territory, and we, as parents, have to let it go. Here are some suggested screening questions for grandparental behavior: Is it unsafe? Is it inconsistent in some serious way with how you raise your child (for example, rocking to sleep if you don't do this)? Is it just a terrible idea demonstrating grandparental lack of judgment, even if not immediately unsafe (for example, grandchild eating only cupcakes all day long)? If it doesn't fall into these major categories (and there may be others for other parents), then it's just ... annoying. Annoying is not serious enough to hurt the feelings of the grandparent, IMO. And since there's no really un-hurtful way to say, "MIL, I am annoyed by the special nickname you gave to ___. Please henceforth call ___ by his or her given name," my advice is to let it go. |
Anonymous
| The fact that your daughter sometimes uses the nickname herself suggests that she doesn't mind the nickname and the only person bothered by it at this point is you. I think it is sweet when grandparents develop their own nicknames for their grandkids, it is a part of their developing a relationship as PP mentions, and has nothing to do with you. I think anything you say will engender ill will, stay out of it. |
Anonymous
| If your DD doesn't care you have no right to screw up the bond between them. |
Anonymous
|
You can't control everything.
Just make sure that no one else calls your kid that. |
Anonymous
|
I think you have to decide what is more important to you: your MIL's feelings, or the name you chose for DD.
If you are not someone that can easily and unequivocally say, 'I don't care for that name,' that you must be resigned that your MIL is not going to waif. My guess is she doesn't even know you dislike the nickname. I can't say whether I think you're being silly or not - I can relate to feeling like you picked out the perfect name for DD and yet this goofy nickname is being used. However, if you don't speak up, how would she know you don't like it? And by the way, who cares if her feelings get hurt? How much drama could ensue over this? Is she mean and spiteful to you? Sadly, I think, despite our best efforts at creating beautiful names for our children, people are going to call them what they want. You just have to decide how important it is to you to do something about it. |
Anonymous
|
If she has been calling your daughter 'mikey' from the start you should have corrected her 3 yrs ago and not now. my mil also has been trying to give my son a nickname when he was born and I corrected her each time - in a nice voice and smile on my face. now he is just x.
However, your situation is different because you let this go on for so long. my advice is to let it go until your daughter is old enough "not to like it". |
Anonymous
| Grandparents aren't around forever. Who knows, your DD may have fond memories one day of being called by that nickname only by her late grandma. It's not a battle I'd take on, since it is only occassionally. Just be sure everyone else in her life uses the name you like. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. This may have been a valid complaint a few months after the nickname started, but not 3.5 years later. You've let this go on for 3.5 years, and waited until your daughter identifies with it to complain. That's not fair to either your daughter or MIL. I think you have to let this one go, and speak up regarding things that bother you immediately in the future. |
Anonymous
|
Seriously? I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but I think you need to put things into perspective. You should be thrilled that your MIL loves your DD so much!
Why are you bothered about something so benign and harmless? Do you perhaps not like your MIL? |
Anonymous
|
Your subject says it's a nickname she "created," but if it's really just her name with a "y" on it, it's a pretty natural nickname to use. It's not like her name is Emily and grandma calls her Lola, or her name is Abigail and grandma calls her Mimi.
We had a situation where daycare workers started calling our son a shortened version of his name with "y" on the end. (Imagine Lucas becoming "Luky") It wasn't ever a nickname we had envisioned him having, but to us it seemed like a sweet, personal way of them connecting to him. We've moved to a new place and he has grown up a few years, but we still call our son "Luky" on occasion, with them in mind. |
Anonymous
|
It's weird that the OP is objecting so strenuously to a nickname that's as simple and obvious as Mikey (her example). When we chose our child's name, we thought about all the potential nicknames and cruel variations the other kids could come up with. We rejected a couple names for that reason. This doesn't really jibe with OP's assertion that she "thought long and hard" about the name they chose. She could have seen this coming, no?
I think it's a MIL thing, not a nickname thing. And that OP should let it go, unless she's really looking to pick a fight and the MIL just isn't giving her any other ammunition. |
Anonymous
| Op--it would annoy me too. I have a feeling it is more annoying that Mikey. No, you can't control everything, but the name is a big one for me. Unless you DD really likes it, I would discreetly mention it in person when you see her. As for what to say--short and sweet is best. |