How do I nicely tell my MIL to stop using a nickname she created for my DD?

Anonymous
My grandfather called me "Dorcus" until the day he died. It is nowhere close to my actual name. The man just apparently liked the biblical figure and thought it was a great name (weird, I know.) I look back on it fondly as one of my favorite memories of my grandfather.

My grandmother (on the other side) called me "Katrinky" and still does to this day. It is similar to my given name, but obviously not so classy. I love it.

Just thought I'd add that perspective...
Anonymous
Let it go. It's not worth antagonizing your ILs over.
Anonymous
Nothing to do with you. Back off and stop being so controlling.
Anonymous
Adding a -y for a child's name is a simple diminutive. It's not some brand new, made up nickname. Let your MIL call the child what she wants. When the child is older, she can announce "Grandma, I'm now going by Ruth, not Ruthie, as befits my new stature in life." It's a rite of passage for a child to throw off her Granmother's pet name for her!
Anonymous
I agree that there is NO way to tell her without hurt feelings somewhere in there. You need to figure out how to embrace it, bite your tongue, put a smile on your face, whatever, when she uses it.
Anonymous
It would annoy me too. My mom misprounounces DD's nickname sometimes, and it drives me nuts. But it's my mom, so I can ask her to stop, or tell her we are trying not to call her by her nickname.

If it were my MIL, that would be a different story. One thing I suggest is that you ask her just to keep the name between her and your DD. You can tell her you prefer that she be called by her full name, so in the interest of not spreading the nickname to others, ask her just to keep it private and only when she is talking directly to your DD. That way it sounds like you appreciate their special bond while at the same time asking her not to refer to your DD that way when talking to you or your husband. Maybe at least that way, you will hear it a lot less while at the same time, she can use the special name when talking directly to DD.
Anonymous
I agree with all of the posters who said to let it go. Besides it will be good practice for when your DD gets to school and gets nicknames from her teachers and friends that you don't like. It's just something that you can't control.
Anonymous
OP, you need to put it all in perspective. You know what my grandparents called me? Nothing. Three were dead by the time I was born and the other was mentally ill (then suffered from dementia as well) and never spoke directly to me in the ten years I knew her.
Anonymous
My MIL calls my daughter by the wrong name, not a nickname, the completely wrong name. To use OP's example, if the name is Mike and the offending nickname is Mikey, my MIL calls my daughter Joseph. So that the rest of us are literally asking her, "Who?" She does not mean to be hurtful or disrespectful. She is simply older and a bit more addled than she was in younger years. She also buys things for my daughter with the wrong name on them. Like those preprinted keychains or fake license plates in souvenir shops -- my daughter's name is not generally available on those preprinted name things so she buys something "close." Like if my daughter's name was Micah she would buy Michael.

Does it irk me? Yes. We chose this name specifically for its meaning and heritage. And part of me feels like she is just crapping all over the thought and love and meaning in our choice. Do I say anything? No. She adores her grandchild and is mortified every single time she gets the name wrong. In my example my MIL has not put the same thought into the offending name, but the effect on me is similar irritation. I let it go. My daughter is old enough now to say (and does say), "grandma, my name is Mike, not Joseph."
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to put it all in perspective. You know what my grandparents called me? Nothing. Three were dead by the time I was born and the other was mentally ill (then suffered from dementia as well) and never spoke directly to me in the ten years I knew her.


Great post, PP. A reminder that an annoying nickname is not all that bad.

Agree with other PPs that OP should leave it alone.
Anonymous
Not a battle worth fighting - let it go
Anonymous
16:27, I'm sorry, that's both funny and annoying!

I have an uncle who has never been able to get my name straight. He is a total drunk, and to his credit, he at least recognizes me as his older brother's daughter, named something that start with a "K" sound. He's not even consistent in what he calls me - other than the first consonant sound is usually the same. I don't mind it; I take him for what he is. Grandparent calling kid by nickname, not a big deal - take it for what it is.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My MIL calls my daughter by the wrong name, not a nickname, the completely wrong name. To use OP's example, if the name is Mike and the offending nickname is Mikey, my MIL calls my daughter Joseph. So that the rest of us are literally asking her, "Who?" She does not mean to be hurtful or disrespectful. She is simply older and a bit more addled than she was in younger years. She also buys things for my daughter with the wrong name on them. Like those preprinted keychains or fake license plates in souvenir shops -- my daughter's name is not generally available on those preprinted name things so she buys something "close." Like if my daughter's name was Micah she would buy Michael.

Does it irk me? Yes. We chose this name specifically for its meaning and heritage. And part of me feels like she is just crapping all over the thought and love and meaning in our choice. Do I say anything? No. She adores her grandchild and is mortified every single time she gets the name wrong. In my example my MIL has not put the same thought into the offending name, but the effect on me is similar irritation. I let it go. My daughter is old enough now to say (and does say), "grandma, my name is Mike, not Joseph."


This is like my MIL she calls my DS Julia. When DH has corrected her she claims it's not his fault we gave our child a girls name.
Anonymous
My father and his wife call my daughter by her name but with a French accent (they're not French, but are not American, yet the name we choose is easily pronounced in my native language). I tried and tried, and now at 23 months, I've pretty much given up. It's not bad, but it's not how her name sounds when everyone else calls her. Either way, I choose my battles. This is not one of them.
Anonymous
OP here - thanks for all the comments. Guess I'll keep my little nickname pet peeve to myself for now. I do think my DD will probably grow out of that name. My DH and I don't call her the nickname. She only hears it from my MIL and sometimes my FIL, but he's better at calling her real name. My MIL likes to "baby talk" to her which is probably where the "y" added to her name comes from. Maybe she'll stop on her own or my DD will ask her to. I can only hope. Ha!
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