Competitive academics - what to tell the smart, hard-working kid who isn't "the best"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What accolades are they winning?

The school selects two students from each grade based on GPA with teachers voting for tie breaks, so they'll win that. Mathletes plus there's a math competition in the spring (DD did well but did not win). Each subject teacher will select 1-2 students to win an award for that subject for the year -- DD may get one or maybe two of these, but there will be kids who get it for every single subject. That kind of thing. There is an awards dinner for all the kids who receive an academic award, plus everyone who has a GPA in the top ten percent of the class will get an award for that. This will be DD's second year attending (sophomore) and she sounds unenthusiastic about going because, in her words, "[XYZ students] will win everything again." Not exactly true but I get why this is her perception based on last year's experience.

Wow, this is wonderful. Compare this to schools and school districts where achievement is not honored at all and swept under the rug.
In our school district, for instance, there's zero recognition for academic achievement. The only recognition our child received was an "all A honor roll" certificate that they had put in their report card envelope. When we asked how many students made the all-A honor roll, the school claimed "privacy" and we had to file an FOIA just to get this information.

But what our school does have is a slide show that's run during lunch hours where each week 9 kids are recognized not for academic achievements, but for such traits as "follows instructions" and "meets expectations" (this is not snark, it's literally what it says on the slide show). When asked how these kids are chosen and based on which criteria, no answer from the school. The chosen kids really don't seem all that competitive and their caption of "meets expectations" seem rather on target (I wonder if the teachers that are forced to write these captions take joy in these underhanded insults or if they don't notice them.)

Overall, it is extremely demotivating for kids who do try to excel academically. These kids will need to get their recognition in outside of school events: state and national competitions which still recognize achievement unlike their home school. Kudos to your child's school for recognizing academic achievement - it's become really rare these days.

I agree with everything you said and the bolded is a good question. I have often wondered about the backroom politics of deciding who gets these awards. Like your children's school, my children's school also seems to abide by the philosophy of using these awards to motivate potatoesque students rather than rewarding students who demonstrate high ability. It's rare that a child who excels in a subject gets the award in that subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What accolades are they winning?

The school selects two students from each grade based on GPA with teachers voting for tie breaks, so they'll win that. Mathletes plus there's a math competition in the spring (DD did well but did not win). Each subject teacher will select 1-2 students to win an award for that subject for the year -- DD may get one or maybe two of these, but there will be kids who get it for every single subject. That kind of thing. There is an awards dinner for all the kids who receive an academic award, plus everyone who has a GPA in the top ten percent of the class will get an award for that. This will be DD's second year attending (sophomore) and she sounds unenthusiastic about going because, in her words, "[XYZ students] will win everything again." Not exactly true but I get why this is her perception based on last year's experience.

Wow, this is wonderful. Compare this to schools and school districts where achievement is not honored at all and swept under the rug.
In our school district, for instance, there's zero recognition for academic achievement. The only recognition our child received was an "all A honor roll" certificate that they had put in their report card envelope. When we asked how many students made the all-A honor roll, the school claimed "privacy" and we had to file an FOIA just to get this information.

But what our school does have is a slide show that's run during lunch hours where each week 9 kids are recognized not for academic achievements, but for such traits as "follows instructions" and "meets expectations" (this is not snark, it's literally what it says on the slide show). When asked how these kids are chosen and based on which criteria, no answer from the school. The chosen kids really don't seem all that competitive and their caption of "meets expectations" seem rather on target (I wonder if the teachers that are forced to write these captions take joy in these underhanded insults or if they don't notice them.)

Overall, it is extremely demotivating for kids who do try to excel academically. These kids will need to get their recognition in outside of school events: state and national competitions which still recognize achievement unlike their home school. Kudos to your child's school for recognizing academic achievement - it's become really rare these days.

I don't think "meeting expectations" is the underhanded insult you perceive it to be (and certainly not "follows instructions").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've basically said it yourself, OP. The kids getting the most awards are working their @sses off. That is a choice. Your DD prefers not to work that intensely. She's doing extremely well in light of that. If she wants to make different choices, she's free to. Some of this is under her control.

This. I can't imagine whining when she recognizes, objectively, that they are working harder than she is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What accolades are they winning?

The school selects two students from each grade based on GPA with teachers voting for tie breaks, so they'll win that. Mathletes plus there's a math competition in the spring (DD did well but did not win). Each subject teacher will select 1-2 students to win an award for that subject for the year -- DD may get one or maybe two of these, but there will be kids who get it for every single subject. That kind of thing. There is an awards dinner for all the kids who receive an academic award, plus everyone who has a GPA in the top ten percent of the class will get an award for that. This will be DD's second year attending (sophomore) and she sounds unenthusiastic about going because, in her words, "[XYZ students] will win everything again." Not exactly true but I get why this is her perception based on last year's experience.

Wow, this is wonderful. Compare this to schools and school districts where achievement is not honored at all and swept under the rug.
In our school district, for instance, there's zero recognition for academic achievement. The only recognition our child received was an "all A honor roll" certificate that they had put in their report card envelope. When we asked how many students made the all-A honor roll, the school claimed "privacy" and we had to file an FOIA just to get this information.

But what our school does have is a slide show that's run during lunch hours where each week 9 kids are recognized not for academic achievements, but for such traits as "follows instructions" and "meets expectations" (this is not snark, it's literally what it says on the slide show). When asked how these kids are chosen and based on which criteria, no answer from the school. The chosen kids really don't seem all that competitive and their caption of "meets expectations" seem rather on target (I wonder if the teachers that are forced to write these captions take joy in these underhanded insults or if they don't notice them.)

Overall, it is extremely demotivating for kids who do try to excel academically. These kids will need to get their recognition in outside of school events: state and national competitions which still recognize achievement unlike their home school. Kudos to your child's school for recognizing academic achievement - it's become really rare these days.

I don't think "meeting expectations" is the underhanded insult you perceive it to be (and certainly not "follows instructions").

For behavior, I suppose it's not too much of an underhanded slight. For academics, it's a dig. My kids take assessments that are graded 1) does not meet expectations, 2) nearly meets expectations, 3) meets expectations, and 4) exceeds expectations. Imagine getting an award for being at least average.

[Anonymous]

This is because every kid from this generation has always gotten a medal or blue ribbon for just showing up. The harm in this is not only teaching entitlement but that the emphasis is on the end game and what you accomplish. The accolades! There is a reason she is having a tough time with this. It’s because somewhere down the line she began to equate personal worthiness with achievement. This is a recipe for disaster! Try having her get a hobby that she enjoys that is more about the process than the end product. Or have her volunteer to help individuals with disabilities to gain some perspective.

[Anonymous]

I remember in Highschool the academic awards went to the student with the highest grade in the class. Period. It did not matter that there were other students in that class (math, history, science, social studies, etc) who were more passionate about the subject. Students who did summer programs, or internships, or clearly were practicing/reading/pursuing the topic outside of class. Bottom line- you had to get the grade in the one class to earn the prize.

Highschool tends to work that way. But life doesn’t. Over time, people who are passionate about something tend to rise in their career more so than the people who are able to do well on a test/memorize facts/etc. Basically, life has a different award system and I think your child and others like them will excel in that arena. But for now, they just have to deal with the reality of “academic” awards.

[Anonymous]

My approach is to have my teens take ownership for the time and effort they're putting into activities. I'll lay it out pretty bluntly that they have two paths. They can spend 3 or more hours per day or whatever working hard to win whatever competition, or they can spend a much smaller amount of time and accept that they'll likely lose to someone else who did put in the time and effort. The follow ups are do they love the activity enough that they want to put in that much time, and is the award that big of a deal? I make sure they understand that either path is fine, and I support any of their choices. It's okay if they don't win, but they don't get to complain to me about not winning if they chose the lower effort path.

Also, OP, your kids' school has a horrible way of recognizing academic merit. My kids' school gives the GPA awards and one 'student of the year' type award for every subject, but they make sure that the same kid can't get more than one award. Also, the awards are based on class achievement plus positive contributions in class, effort, passion, and so on. There's no reason to let one or two kids get showered with all of the awards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember in Highschool the academic awards went to the student with the highest grade in the class. Period. It did not matter that there were other students in that class (math, history, science, social studies, etc) who were more passionate about the subject. Students who did summer programs, or internships, or clearly were practicing/reading/pursuing the topic outside of class. Bottom line- you had to get the grade in the one class to earn the prize.

Highschool tends to work that way. But life doesn’t. Over time, people who are passionate about something tend to rise in their career more so than the people who are able to do well on a test/memorize facts/etc. Basically, life has a different award system and I think your child and others like them will excel in that arena. But for now, they just have to deal with the reality of “academic” awards.

My high school was different - teachers choose the "best" student to receive an award. I has the highest grades in all my classes (and was valedictorian) but I think the teachers colluded and decided that the ceremony would suck if one kid got all the awards.

[Anonymous]

They need to try harder.

[Anonymous]

She needs a wider prospective or she doesn't get one now but gets one later at a large state university. Probably an ideal education to rise as far as you can and not be limited.

Meanwhile some volunteer work with kids far less fortunate. Maybe with severe disabilities. She needs some gratitude for all that she has and all the opportunities she gets to aspire to.