Mayor Sunshine and Chairman Fully Loaded Win an Election

Mayor Sunshine and Chairman Fully Loaded, you've just been elected to replace two of the most competent local elected officials in recent memory (and one of you was even one of them). What are you going to do now?

Chairman Fully Loaded: We're going to Disney World!

Mayor Sunshine: No, no, Fully Loaded. It might snow while we are there. You'd have to be a Republican from New Jersey to do something that stupid.

CFL: Okay, then, we're buying Navigators. One for you and two for me.

MS: That's more like it. Also, we need to concentrate on jobs. Specifically, jobs for the children of my supporters.

CFL: Black Navigators, with black interiors.

MS: We also need to cut the budget. We will do that by paying my appointees a lot more than the former mayor paid those he appointed to the same positions. We'll save a bunch that way.

CFL: With moon roofs. Power moon roofs.

MS: Then, we will furlough 911 call takers. That's twice the savings. We save by not paying the call takers and then we save by dropping calls and not having to respond by dispatching emergency vehicles. People will have to take cabs to the emergency room. I was strongly supported by cab drivers, you know. Everyone wins!

CFL: And, rear entertainment systems.

MS: Of course, I promised Sulaimon Brown an "interview", wink, wink. I'm sure he's fully competent to be an auditor in the Department of Health Care Finance. That kind of competence might come in handy some day, if you get my drift. If Willie Sutton was in DC, he wouldn't rob banks, he'd rob DHCF. Because, you know, "that's where the money is."

CFL: Hey, want to see Jim Graham go gaga over Gaga?

MS: I'll probably want to touch base with University of the District of Columbia President Allen Sessoms. That's if he is in town. You know, he gets around, Egypt. London. Jackson Hole, WY. Places like that.

CFL: You know what he drives? Come on, say it with me. "Lincoln." "Navigator."

MS: Finally, Fully Loaded, we need to get our hand-picked candidate elected to fill your old At-Large Council seat. We can get him to challenge the nominating petitions of his strongest opponents. Even if the challenges fail, those guys will have to devote themselves to validating signatures rather than campaigning or fundraising. He can challenge the signatures of former Mayors Fenty and Williams. Fully Loaded, he can even challenge your brother's signature. Hell, our guy can even challenge his own signature.

CFL: He already owes me. I personally had to drag people into a small kitchenette to convince them to vote for him to temporarily fill the seat. "Owes me?" That's a new one. It's usually the other way around when it comes to me and owing something.