Thursday's Most Active Threads

The two most active threads yesterday were ones that I've already discussed — the New Orleans attack thread and the Blake Lively thread — so I will start with the third most active. That thread was titled, "Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. The original poster says that she grew up not learning the "basics" of what I guess we might call proper behavior, though that is probably not the best way to describe it. For instance, she didn't start using washcloths when showering until she learned about them from roommates later in life. Similarly, she didn't know to wash her hands before preparing food until she worked in a restaurant in high school. Her husband grew up not using napkins when eating and washed all his clothes in a single load regardless of the color. He also didn't use mattress pads or pillow covers. Quite a few of those responding say that they don't use washcloths, so that may not be as much of an indication of being civilized as the original poster perceives. In fact, washcloth usage sort of dominated the thread, which it could be argued is actually a thread about washcloths. Disagreement on what is actually appropriate occurs throughout the thread. Another example is offering to pay the tip when a wealthier person offers to pay for dinner. The opinions about this range from it being almost required to it being merely polite to not at all necessary. A disconcerting number of posters were not taught to wash their hands after using the bathroom. I am pretty sure that the original poster meant this thread to be somewhat self-critical in that the posters are meant to reveal things that they now understand to have been shortcomings. That, however, didn't stop posters from being judgmental and piling on posters for their revelations. Some posters had strong differences of opinion regarding the propriety of overhead lights. Some posters were taught that overhead lights are low class and that they should not use them. Lamps only for them. Other posters were taught the exact opposite and consider lamps to be "trashy." Another poster objected to the use of the term "trashy", apparently feeling that not being taught to avoid the term was one more civilizing lesson that had been missed. This is a 12-page thread and I only skimmed it, but it looks like another topic that was subject to much dispute was bathroom usage. Apparently, the arguments about this had less to do with missed lessons and more to do with different cultural norms in various parts of the world. If I understand correctly, the origin of this disagreement was an attempt to prove to one particular poster that even the best upbringing could not possibly prepare her for what is or is not considered appropriate in every situation. It might have been better for these posters to stick to discussing washcloths.

Yesterday, a poster created a thread in the "Website Feedback" forum saying that two threads in the college forum demonstrated very poor parenting and asked if they were real, as opposed to being troll threads, I guess. Wouldn't you know it, but both of those threads ended up on the most active list today. The first of them, of course, posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum, was titled "Frustrated". The original poster is frustrated because her daughter — who objectively didn't have all that great of high school achievements — didn't get into any of the "higher" universities for which she applied. As a result, she is attending a "lower place" and has had the expectation that she might transfer to a more prestigious school. But, that doesn't look like it will happen either. The original poster is wondering if there are any last-ditch strategies that might work or if she should just come to terms with her daughter attending this school that the original poster believes is beneath her. As to the question of whether the original poster is a troll, I don't see any evidence that she is. To the contrary, she appears to legitimately be concerned about the prestige of colleges, making her disappointment about her daughter believable. The original poster doesn't get much sympathy from those responding. Other posters tend to point out that the daughter's lack of qualifications is a hurdle and that perhaps they are aiming too high. Some posters suggest that a professional college counselor might help. Quite a few posters urge the original poster to just accept her daughter's situation and support her. The daughter's focus should be on doing the best she can at her current school rather than moving elsewhere, they argue. One recommendation, with which I agree, is for the daughter to stay at her current school and then concentrate on graduate school. Several posters are critical of the original poster for being overly fixated on her own desire for her daughter to attend a prestigious university. They urge her to consider her daughter's priorities and goals. In addition, several posters argue that the original poster's daughter can still have a fulfilling career after graduating from her current college. Some posters have personal anecdotes about individuals who graduated from no-name colleges going on to have extremely successful careers. For instance, one poster describes a colleague who graduated from a law school that is so obscure that she hadn't heard of it. That individual is now a partner along with the Duke and Yale grads.

Next was the second thread that was questioned in the "Website Feedback" forum. Titled, "Has anyone re-used essays between kids?", it was of course also posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster says that she has twins who, between them, have applied to at least 30 colleges. She says that she also has a third child and, when that child applies to college, they will reuse some of the essays written by her twins. With regard to the question in website feedback about whether this poster is a troll, the poster does seem to have had a child or children recently go through the college applications process. On the other hand, the original poster authored additional posts in the thread that supported the original poster's viewpoint, but she seemed to appear as a different poster. Not exactly textbook sock puppeting, but not far off. In one of those posts, she claimed that she and her husband had written their kids’ essays. In another, she said that they had invented material used in the essays, saying they were "full of fake characters, fake interactions, fake passions, fake lessons learned". So, not exactly a model citizen when it comes to college essays. But, the original poster clearly doesn't take the essays seriously anyway. Her view seems to be that everyone else is cheating so it would be stupid not to cheat. Several posters are very opposed to the original poster's attitude towards essays. They accuse the original poster of teaching her kids poor values and encouraging them to cheat. Some advise against reusing essays, less on ethical grounds and more for practical reasons. They suggest that plagiarism databases might reveal the reuse and result in the younger child being denied admissions. While many posters in the thread support strong morals and good values, other posters reveal a fairly widespread culture of cheating. Many posters cite various ways that they or their kids cheated in school and on college applications. In fact, the reuse of essays appears to be fairly common. The biggest justification for cheating seems to be the belief that others are doing the same thing. Some posters argue that college consultants who help with essays are actually writing them. Therefore, parents writing essays is little different. A number of posters went beyond simply admitting that their kids had cheated, and seemed to take a large measure of pride in the fact. They were actually bragging about how their kids had lied on essays and then succeeded in being accepted. College admissions has long been viewed pretty cynically in this forum, but this thread raises things to a new level. Some posters wonder how kids who get into college with the help of cheating will perform once they are there. The answer is likely to be additional cheating.

The final thread that I will discuss today was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "Divorced with kids and GF wants to spend more time together", the original poster explains that he is divorced with children and has had a girlfriend for 8 months. Even during weeks that he has fewer days of custody of his kids, he has to take them to sports events. He also has a demanding job and travels a lot. The result is that he doesn't get to see his girlfriend very much and, while she hasn't complained, he thinks she deserves someone who has more time available for her. He wants to know how other divorced people deal with relationships over the long run. The original poster has atrocious spelling, which I immediately thought that I recognized from prior threads. Sure enough, I was able to find 49 threads started by this poster since October. To say that they are inconsistent is a vast understatement. He actually started a thread very similar to this one in mid-October in which he said that his girlfriend was complaining that he didn't spend enough time with her. He cited different custody arrangements at that time and, instead of his current concern that his girlfriend deserves more time with him, at that time he was resentful of her demands and protective of his time alone. These differences might not be significant had it not been for multiple threads between them in which he complained about how hard it was for men like him to date. Far from having a girlfriend who demanded too much of his time, he seemed unable to find a girlfriend. He also started a thread in which he described himself as never having been married and childless. He has repeatedly started threads in which he displays resentment about the dating market and the advantages that he believes women have in it. Some of the threads the poster has started make me think that the poster is attempting to appear as a woman. For that matter, the poster may actually be a woman posing as a man in several threads. Whatever the story is, the poster is too all over the place for me to take seriously. As such, I am not going to waste time reading this thread. If you want to know what the responses were, you are going to have to read it yourself.