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Tuesday's Most Active Threads

by Jeff Steele — last modified Jan 24, 2024 11:40 AM

Yesterday's topics with the most engagement included a spouse from an underdeveloped country, a wife arrested for DWI, the point at which private colleges don't justify their cost, and should women marry for money?

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country". The thread was originally posted in the "Off-Topic" forum but I moved it to the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster says that she and her family are visiting her husband's family in a country that is much less developed than the United States. They are staying with her husband's family in a house in which taking a warm shower requires mixing boiling hot water with cold water and using a bucket. There is no air conditioning or heat and stores that have the items they would like to purchase are a three-hour drive away. The original poster and her kids are miserable but her husband is not understanding of the challenges they are facing. The original poster is very upset with him and using this thread to vent. This thread has already reached 21 pages. There are posters who are not sympathetic to the original poster and generally criticized her attitude and provided advice regarding what they believe are easy things that she can do to adjust. Other posters are more supportive of her and critical of her husband. The original poster has previously posted other threads about her husband and travels to his native country which results in the original poster being recognized by others who linked to her earlier threads. There are a number of disputes about whether or not the original poster is a troll, with one poster even starting a thread asking this in the "Website Feedback" forum. As I said in that thread, the poster is posting from Bangladesh, the country to which posters identified her as referring. However, this morning I noticed that the original poster has done quite a bit of sock puppeting, mostly offering what appears to be third-person defenses of herself. The thread is full of repeated patterns in which the original poster complained about something, posters offered advice for improving whatever that is, the original poster then explains why the advice won't work, other posters criticize her, the original poster sock puppets a supportive message, and then the original poster again explains why the advice won't work. The thread is also full of Indians, people related to Indians, or people who have been to India who believe that they have all the answers for the original poster. But, as with all other advice, the original poster is not receptive and is convinced that what applies to India is irrelevent to Bangladesh. Some posters engage with this thread as if it is some sort of mystery that they must solve. The city in which she is visiting was identified and posters provided the average daily temperatures, population statistics, and other information that they think shows the original poster is misstating the reality of conditions. Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection.

The next most active thread yesterday was the one about Dr. McKnight being asked to leave her position as MCPS superintendent. Since I discussed that thread in yesterday's post, I'll skip it today. Therefore, the next thread for today was one posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum titled, "DW Arrested". The original poster says that his wife was in a car wreck and was arrested for driving while intoxicated. He was out of town when this occurred and their college-aged child had to pick his wife up at the police station. Now his wife is not sharing the details of what happened or revealing her blood alcohol level. Either the original poster is a troll or he, his wife, and his daughter all share the same computer and post on DCUM. Previous posts that appear to come from the same device discuss the poster's husband (a lawyer) and boyfriend (a bicycle enthusiast). Let's just assume that DCUM is a family affair in this case and treat the thread as legitimate. Many posters immediately conclude that the original poster's wife is an alcoholic and suggest ways to address that problem. Other posters apparently went off in search of court records documenting the arrest and there is a dispute about their findings. A small number of posters are critical of the original poster who they think is either overly-controlling or invasively attempting to interrogate his wife. This causes a dispute among posters about what information the original poster has a right to know. Of course, this being the DCUM relationship forum, there are the practically mandatory suggestions that the original poster get a divorce. The original poster did not reply back until the 8th page of the thread. Or, at least a poster claiming to be the original poster replied. I can't confirm that it was actually the original poster. At any rate, this follow-up post contained many new details which some posters immediately used to bolster their search for court records. Some posters thought that they found a record, others suggested the genders may have been changed, others contended that the original poster's story lined up. One poster proposed attending the court session. Ultimately I am not sure if the original poster's story is legitimate or not. But, if it is legitimate, I wonder how good having your wife's DWI arrest and court appearance not only posted on DCUM, but summarized on the home page is for your marriage.

Next was a thread titled, "Is there a tipping point , full pay?" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster provided a list of private universities ranked in some manner and asked whether there is a cut-off on such lists below which families would not consider playing the full cost but instead advise their children to find cheaper options. I was a bit confused by the emphasis on private universities given that there are a number of public universities that I consider to be better than some of the schools on the original poster's list. Be that as it may, most of the posters replying said that they would be willing to pay for any school their child wanted to attend. Several already said that they were doing this. However, for most of them, school rank was not the most decisive factor. Posters often speak of "fit" which can be rather amorphous but nevertheless was given priority by many of those responding. There is also some discussion about whether being full pay improves an applicant's chances of being accepted. Based on the responses, any advantage is marginal at best. Quite a few of those responding said that they were willing to pay the full price of any school, but their children chose lower ranked options at which they received aid. In some cases this was due to financial responsibility on the part of the students, but in other cases the offered assistance made them feel wanted. What is apparent from the responses in this thread, but is obvious even without reading it, is that answers to the original poster's question depend on a lot of factors. Implied in the original post is the assumption that paying for the top schools on the original poster's list would be worth the money but at some point, lower ranked schools would not be worth it. But, such value judgements are not universal. For some posters, the original poster's list would be worth paying for if those were their children's targeted schools. But, if they were not options their children would choose, then obviously they wouldn't be worth the cost. Similarly, some students who have had academic challenges can't contemplate the schools on the orignal poster's list. For them, paying for a lower-ranked school is worth the price because that's the best option available to them. I guess my own thought is that if you limit your list to private schools in the manner that the original poster has, eventually you might reach low enough down on the list that you are actually paying more for a school that is not as good as cheaper public universities. For instance, for many majors, the University of Maryland is stronger than George Washington University (one of the schools listed by the original poster) while being significantly cheaper, even for out-of-state students. So, as others have said, there would have to be compelling reason beyond rank to make GWU be worth the cost.

The final thread that I will discuss today was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "Suddenly seems like not enough HHI despite great relationship", the original poster says that she has a great relationship but has been encountering increased costs of everyday items that have made her rethink her expectations of earning power in a mate. She says that she earns $250 thousand herself but doesn't think that is enough for a comfortable living. She asks how mercenary someone needs to be when choosing a spouse in order to ensure financial comfort. Without reading a single response in this thread, I can say that the post contains a number of triggers that are likely to cause heads to explode all over DCUMland. I was not at all surprised by responses such as one saying, "plenty of people making less than $500,000 or whatever ridiculous random arbitrary figure you think have happy lives and own homes. Don’t be an idiot." Or more succinctly, a post that simply said, "Oh ffs." Similarly, a post saying, "the only reasonable answer here is to spread your legs for money", was not unexpected. However, very shortly into the thread I started to sense that the original post was perhaps too perfectly designed to upset DCUM posters and decided that I should do a troll check. The first thing that I found is that the original poster, who repeatedly claimed to be a renter, has posted a number of threads about owning a house, including one just yesterday. This also appears to be more or less a repeat performance because the original poster also posted a thread asking whether others would marry a guy who only earned 160K a year at age 55. That was actually one of the most active threads that I discussed back on January 2. At any rate, this poster seems to be preoccupied by men and their salaries with several threads touching on the theme. That along with maintenance issues with her home. While the thread is 10 pages long, I stopped reading on the first page because I just can't take this poster seriously. I suspect few others took her that seriously either even without their knowing her posting history.

Avalon says:
Jan 24, 2024 05:13 PM
"The original poster provided a list of private universities ranked in some manner and asked whether there is a cut-off on such lists below which families would not consider playing the full cost but instead advise their children to find cheaper options. I was a bit confused by the emphasis on private universities given that there are a number of public universities that I consider to be better than some of the schools on the original poster's list..."

That's your opinion because you're an intelligent, rational, level heard person, whereas OP is prioritizing prestige & name recognition rather than the quality of the school.
Avalon says:
Jan 24, 2024 07:59 PM
Sorry, that should have said level headed, lol.
Jeff Steele says:
Jan 24, 2024 08:24 PM
I'm sure plenty of posters here would dispute your choice of adjectives you used to describe me but I do think that poster was prioritizing perceived prestige over any other factor when choosing a school.
Avalon says:
Jan 27, 2024 01:28 AM
Daaaaaang, it's not even genuine prestige, but PERCEIVED prestige, lol.
That's so much worse!
Ellen says:
Jan 27, 2024 06:36 PM
I LOL with this line from the "Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country" thread: "Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection." Another good one, Jeff!
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