The Most Active Posts Since Friday

The most active thread since my last blog post on Friday continues to be the Hamas-Israel war thread which added over 2,000 new posts. But, if there is one topic that can rival the Middle East in divisiveness, it is the British Royal Family. So, much to my chagrin, the second most active thread over the weekend was titled, "Do you think Kate Middleton is genuine" and posted in the "Entertainment and Pop Culture" forum. The complete text of the original post was simply "Or performative?", but those two words were sufficient to inspire what is already a 22 page thread. Obviously I am not going to read 22 pages about Kate Middleton or any other member of the British Royal Family. Moreover, whereas with Meghan Markle I might be able to conjure up an opinion or two, with the Princess of Wales I am drawing a complete blank. About the only thing I can say about this thread is that I don't belive a single post in it has been reported. That either means that posters are being exceptionally well-behaved or posters have given up reporting posts. Well, the previous sentence was true when I wrote it, but before I finished the other entries in today's post there was a report which included a request that I lock the thread. I don't know if I will do that at this point, but maybe things weren't as pleasant as I thought.

The next most active thread was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "My husband indicated that ‘our’ money is really ‘his’ money", the original poster recounts that after some unexpected bills and her taking unpaid leave to care for their newborn child, she and her husband have hit a slight money crunch. Her husband earns about three times as much as she does and, during an argument, claimed that he earns most of the money while she spends it. The original poster had no idea that he felt this way and is very hurt by the allegation. Her husband apologized and has agreed to talk to a counselor but she wonders what else they can do because she is having trouble getting past this. Many of those responding point out that having a new baby is a stressful time and financial concerns can also be stressful. Some posters suggested ways that the original poster might include her husband in the process of managing their finances so he would have a better understanding of  how she spends money. Others commiserated and sympathized about the difficulty of being made to feel that the family's income is not common property. A few of those responding argued that this incident should make the original poster reconsider her own career goals and also think about protecting herself financially. Some posters, who I believe were male, argued that most men actually feel the way that the original poster's husband does, but just keep it to themselves. I think this reflects that our society is in the midst of a long-running transition from traditional arrangements in which men "bring home the bacon" while women tend the home to more equality-based situations in which spouses may earn equal amounts and split home and childrearing duties. Some families have moved further along this spectrum than others. As with any process of social change, there are ebbs and flows as advances provoke backlashes. As family roles continue to be somewhat ambiguous, there will probably continue to be conflicts such as the original poster experienced.

The third thread that I'll discuss today was titled, "Paul Bartkowski School Board Candidate Forum" and posted in the "Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS)" forum. This thread was first brought to my attention when a poster reported it as "advertising". But, it is really more of a "ask me anything" thread started by a candidate for the Fairfax County School Board. Frankly, I was thrilled that a candidate for office would use the forum in this manner and I hope other candidates choose to do so as well. Mr. Bartkowski appears to be of a somewhat conservative persuasion and it is interesting to see him confronted by our largely liberal user base. I give him credit for being game and taking on all comers. Our users also tend to be highly educated and many support their questions with quotations, data, or links to other websites. The result is a fairly substantive conversation. Eventually, however, the thread devolved more into a debate between various posters leading to even Bartkowski getting a little frustrated with things. A thread like this could probably stand for a set of ground rules and better coordination with me to implement those rules. Some posters were upset with the confrontational nature of some posts and the specific topics on which some posters focused. This led to accusations about those making various posts and whether or not they were actually voters in Bartkowski's district. Similarly, some posters disputed the usefulness of this type of thread because they did not think it was reaching the voters who needed to hear Bartkowski's message.

Next was a thread posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "Do you ever just...not enable your spouse?", the original poster describes being interrupted during a busy day by her husband asking  a question about a passport. She wanted to reply telling him that that information was just as easily available to him as it was to her, but instead simply didn't respond. Similarly, she has stopped answering questions that she has previously answered multiple times. She assumes that addressing her frustration with her husband's questions would provoke an argument, so she is engaging in what she describes as "passive resistance". Several other posters report having similar frustrations and adopting various strategies in response. Apparently this issue has come up on DCUM before because one poster described success with a tactic learned on DCUM. That advice was to respond to a person asking where something is despite having made no effort to find it by asking where they have previously looked. According to this poster, this shames the person into putting effort into looking themselves before asking. Some posters said that they had negative results from the sort of passive resistance the original poster described. When they tried doing this it resulted in missed appointments and showing up at the wrong place or time. Probably due to DCUM's users being heavily slanted towards women, much of the discussion focused on men acting helpless when they were really just lazy. However, some men reported similar situations with their wives. Some posters tried to distinguish between two different behaviors. In one case, posters didn't know the answer and simply believed whoever was asking them for the answer could find it just as easily as they could. In the second scenario, the poster knew the answer but for various reasons simply didn't want to provide it. Maybe they had already answered or knew that the answer could just as easily be found by other means as it could be by interrupting them for it. I could summarize this thread better, but I think you should just go read it for yourself.

I normally stop after the four most active threads but today I am going to add a bonus thread. It was not among the most active, but it was a positive thread that demonstrated something good about DCUM. Of course we have deservedly been described as the "Mommy Fight Site" and even worse less-deserved while not entirely inaccurate terms. But, DCUM has its good side as well. In a thread titled, "I was worried my fed agency was trying to fire me. So, I asked you guys for advice. Thank you." and posted in the "Jobs and Careers" forum, the original poster describes developments since he asked DCUM for advice back in January 2022. Back then, the poster asked whether or not the federal agency for which he worked might be able to fire him based on his performance evaluations. He was evaluated as being "satisfactory" but he realized he was not a top performer and felt that there were informal efforts to push him out of his job. Posters were sometimes harsh in their responses, but they provided useful information and urged him to look for another job. The poster self-described as being change-resistance, but based on encouragement from DCUM, reluctantly looked for another position. The poster describes this as one of the best decisions he ever made. He found a new position and has since received several performance rewards and is being encouraged to seek promotion. He is much happier and better off in every way. Posters are thrilled to get an update — something that unfortunately rarely happens — and are happy for the original poster's success. Almost as interesting to me were the factors that the original poster feels make his new environment more conducive to his success. The original poster is a Black male and he attributes the diversity of his new working environment as contributing to his improved performance. Diversity efforts often get a lot of criticism on DCUM, but this is a first hand account of how diversity can, in fact, be very helpful. I too want to congratulate the original poster on his success and also want to thank those who contributed helpful advice and participated in this success story.