Tuesday's Most Active Threads

If you can believe it, the thread I discussed yesterday about the University of Mary Washington was tied as the most active thread again. Since I've already discussed that one, I'll start with the thread with which it was tied. Titled, "Why does every tourist have a backpack" and posted in the "Travel Discussion" forum, the original poster is interested in the question posed on the thread's title. She doesn't understand the need for a backpack or a sling and explains how she and her husband equip themselves while touring. While no slings or backpacks are involved, she lists more than a half-dozen items that her husband carries in his pants pockets. To say that this thread did not go well for the original poster is probably an understatement. DCUM apparently has a very pro-backpack userbase. The first mistake made by the original poster, which was pointed out repeatedly, was not understanding that different people have different needs and different preferences. This is a surprising shortcoming for someone who professes to be a seasoned traveller given that one of the goals of travel is to see things that are different than in your own life. Being open to new ideas and not being judgemental are two qualities that help travel to be more enjoyable. Several posters took issue with the number of items the original poster's husband carries in his pockets, with several ridiculing him for possibly wearing cargo pants. The original poster's only subsequent post disabused the others of that idea and explained that the items, while plentiful, were all quite small. Still, the fact that she and her husband seem to never leave home without Pepto Bismol raised a few eyebrows. Posters have a host of reasons for carrying backpacks while touring, including carrying many of the items the original poster's husband stuffs in his pockets. In addition, quite a few carry water bottles and, especially if they have kids, snacks. Several of the female posters pointed out that their clothing often doesn't have pockets, so duplicating the original poster's strategy of carrying things in her pockets won't work. One irony of the thread is that as posters explained what they carry in their backpacks, they sometimes mentioned items that other posters hadn't considered, but could see being useful. Therefore, if this thread has any lasting impact at all, it might be to increase backpack usage, or at least the number of things carried in them. Also, given all the discussion of Pepto Bismol, I should probably charge Procter & Gamble a fee for product placement.

The next two most active threads have already been discussed so I had to go on to what was actually the fifth most active thread yesterday. Posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum and titled, "Skipping Wife's Birthday", the original poster says that he is planning to completely ignore his wife's birthday which is Friday because she did not do anything for him on Father's Day. He said that he will let everyone know how it goes. The original poster is essentially an arsonist because displaying this sort of pettiness towards a woman in a forum dominated by females — a significant portion of whom are convinced all men are misogynist jerks — is basically the intentional setting of a fire. A typical response was similar to one that said, "Good to see you’re being mature, not holding grudges, and doing the repair work needed for your relationship. Spoiler alert: it won’t go well." The original poster was not above sock puppeting. To the contrary, he engaged in the practice with some frequency. At one point advising himself to "buy what you wanted for fathers day, wrap it up and give it to her." When posters pointed out that the original poster's beef about Father's Day should really be with his children rather than his wife, he rejected the notion saying, "That's not how fathers day works, especially with younger kids". But, the original poster also mentioned that he and his wife have been married for 21 years. So, it is unlikely that their kids are all that young. In one sockpuppeted post, the original poster responds to a query about the original poster's endgame by saying, "If it were me, my end game would be a sincere apology and a promise to correct her behavior." Something tells me that neither of those is going to be immediately forthcoming. But, the original poster's pettiness is not lightly held. He goes on to say that he won't celebrate anything until this happens and that he "hate[s] celebrating that stuff anyway so I win as long as she pouts". So, here is a guy who takes delight in his wife's sadness and considers her being upset to be a victory for him. In the original post of the thread, the original poster said that his wife's explanation for not doing anything for Father's Day was that he was a "jerk". She appears to be correct about that and, if anything, understating the reality.

The next most active thread was also about a wife's birthday, but from a somewhat more considerate guy. Titled, "My wife's birthday is tomorrow - I need a last-minute gift idea!" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum, the original poster accepts that he deserves DCUM's scorn, but request assistance with last minute gift suggestions. Posters seem eager to help, but want the original poster to provide more information such as his budget and his wife's likes or dislikes. Unfortunately, the original poster doesn't seem to have returned to the thread — at least he didn't post any follow-ups — so it's not clear how much help, if any, he received from the thread. In lieu of additional information from the original poster, those responding simply posted their own desired gifts. This included a lot of suggestions for spa outings, but only if the original poster liked spas. Otherwise it would be considered an obligation rather than gift. Several posters said they didn't actually want a gift, but just for their husband complete projects around the house. For many posters, this thread provided them an opportunity to post about their own strained relationships. Several posts described bad experiences with gifts from husbands in the past. There was far from complete agreement about what would be a good gift. One poster said she would love an air fryer while the very next post warned against any appliances. The air fryer suggestion would return multiple times and eventually even become the subject of heated words between posters, one of whom would like an air fryer and one who wouldn't. There seemed to be broad agreement that husbands tend to be pretty poor at choosing presents. This led to posters arguing that husbands who realize that they are bad at picking out presents are preferable to those who insist on shopping for a gift and then are unhappy when their wife doesn't gush over it.

The final thread at which I'll look today was posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. Titled, "Poorly behaved houseguests", the original poster explains that she has family visiting with their 4-year-old child. The child behaves terribly, constantly kicking, hitting, or jumping off things. The parents completely ignore the child and the original poster has been forced to watch the child as well as her own 2-year-old. She has already decided not to invite the visitors back again, but wants to know how others handle this sort of situation. Posters are all over the place with their responses. Some would treat the child as they would their own, understanding that the child is only 4. Others would nicely tell the parents that their child is not following the house rules and ask them to help make sure he behaves. Some posters consider that approach to be terribly rude. Instead,they would just "suck it up" until the guests leave. The original poster is sort of caught in a "Catch-22". If she follows the advice to tolerate the child until they leave or is overly polite in asking the parents to be more vigilent, posters will consider her a "doormat". But, if she is more assertive in asking the parents to parent their child, posters will consider her rude and lacking hospitality. There really is no winning for her among the DCUM crowd. This is why the thread is as long as it is. The two different camps end up ignoring the original poster and arguing with each other. The "can't we all get along" group tells the "take care of your kid" posters to "learn to chill". In return, they are called "lazy parent[s] of ill-behaved kids". Because the original poster did not explain her relationship with the guests, some posters theorized that they must be in-laws and are convinced that DCUM posters hate in-laws. When it turns out that the guests are actually in-laws, one poster claims that "DCUM women are the most intolerant of in laws of any set of women on the planet!" This suggests that the original poster is only concerned about the child's behavior because the guests are in-laws and if it were her family the exact same behavior would be acceptable. That seems unlikely. At any rate, the guests are due to leave today and, while they are expected to return, the original poster and her spouse plan to get them a hotel.