The Most Active Threads since Friday

Because I took the weekend off from the blog, today I'll review the most active threads since Friday. The most active thread during that period was titled, "I dropped the hosting rope and now ILs think I’m ‘mad’ at them" and posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. The original poster recounts that she has hosted her in-laws for years for holidays and vacations. Each time, she is forced to be responsible for all cooking, cleaning, childcare, and logistics. Meanwhile, her husband neglects everything while simply hanging out with his family. When her husband suggested hosting for Easter, the original poster told him that he would have to take responsibility this time. There were a few issues with meals, and a few logistical problems, but it generally worked out. After the holiday, however, the original poster's mother-in-law contacted her asking if she was mad. The original poster explained that she hadn't felt like hosting this holiday. This caused the original poster's husband to ask why she had been rude and why she was mad at them. The family relationship forum has become a frequent venue for lengthy and contentious threads. As is often the case on DCUM, I am astonished at the topics that gain attention. While I understand that this is likely an important topic to the original poster, I am amazed that complete strangers have any interest in the thread at all. Nevertheless, it has already reached 25 pages. But, further investigation reveals that the interest was not all from complete strangers. By my count, the original poster has posted 53 times in this thread, many times referring to herself in the third person or offering anonymous support for herself. Even on page 24 she is continuing to defend the "original poster" while speaking in the third person and calling critics of the original poster "old biddies". Since all signs point to a likelihood that the poster will extend this thread ad infinitum, I've locked it.

The second most active thread during this period was posted in the "Off-Topic" forum and titled, "Cash app founder murdered walking in San Francisco". The original poster links to an article about the murder of Bob Lee who, as the title notes, was the founder of the Cash app. The original poster, like many of those who respond, attributes the murder to a general decline in public safety in San Francisco. San Francisco has become an obsession with conservatives who constantly rail against its liberal policies, describing a city that in their view has collapsed into complete anarchy. While one lonely poster suggested waiting for details before coming to conclusions, most posters ignored the advice and immediately rushed to place blame. The most common conclusion was simply that San Francisco is a dangerous city due to liberal policies. Some posters defended the city, but even many of the defenders argued that being out that late was not a good idea. Several posters compared the danger of American cities to the relative safety of European cities. Just about every conservative bugaboo was dragged out for blame, including the Black Lives Matter movement. It was not until page 9 that a poster first suggested that the murder might not be the result of a city turned into a Mad Max hellscape, That poster, pointing to a New York Post article, concluded that the murder was a "target hit". This was confirmed when police arrested another tech consultant who was an associate of Lee's for the murder. Apparently, the suspect was angered by a relationship between his married sister and Lee. Because the alleged murderer has Iranian roots, speculation began focusing on Middle Eastern stereotypes. There is also a lot of discusion of alleged drug use by Lee and the alleged murderer and whether or not Lee was associating with a "trashy" crowd. At this point the thread turned into a sort of mash up of "Real Housewives" and "True Detective" with rampant speculation about all the personalities involved. The strangest thing about this thread is how it seamlessly transitioned from "Gangs of New York" to "Keeping up with the Kardashians" without missing a beat. What was originally thought to likely be a murder by a drugged-out homeless person turned out to be, allegedly, a murder by a drugged-out rich guy.

The third thread was titled, "DD suddenly stops shaving" and posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum. The original poster noticed that her 15-year-old daughter has stopped shaving and, when she mentioned this, her daughter was very reluctant to talk about it. The original poster says this behavior is unusual for her daughter. Again, I am really surprised that anyone has any interest in discussing this topic. But, frequently I think that posts act basically as writing prompts for posters who want to say something and don't really care much about the topic at hand. In this case, most of the first to respond simply say this is a personal issue and that the original poster should leave the girl alone. But, one poster immediately determines that the daughter has jumped on the "questioning gender bandwagon". Several posters say that their teen daughters have also stopped shaving, though nobody seems to be sure whether this is actually a trend at the moment. Many posters point out that while shaving body hair has lately been the norm here, that has not true in Europe and not always in the US either. Hippies were famously hairy. Quite a few posters attribute not shaving to simple teen rebellion and their desire to do the opposite of what their parents are doing. Most of the posters are comfortable allowing their daughter's freedom to choose on this topic, but even a few of those are uncomfortable with the practice. One parent argues that it is better for her daughter to have a discussion about hair removal with her rather than her first sex partner, leading to a discussion of what men and boys expect. The thread basically turned into a debate about the necessity of removing body hair and posters' personal experiences. Many of the posters seem conflicted between supporting women's rights, nurturing independence and confidence in their daughters, and their innate belief that it is better to shave. As a result, many responses are based on the assumption that a calm and reasonable discussion with their daughters will result in the girls deciding on their own accord to shave. Some posters drop all pretense of being interested in their child's autonomy and simply decree that the girls will shave.

The final thread at which I'll look today was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum and titled, "Holding my boundary. Let him be mad." The original poster explains that she and her husband have an arrangement for Saturdays in which her husband takes care of their daughter in the morning and the original poster takes care of her in the afternoon. This allows each of them to have part of the Saturday for themselves. This Saturday, the original poster's husband took their daughter to his mother's and returned at noon, saying that the girl needed lunch and a nap but that he was going to relax. The original poster refused to assist, saying that it was still her free time. Her husband was angry and later send a text complaining about her behavior. The original poster is happy that she stood her ground because otherwise, her husband would take advantage of her and she would end up doing everything herself. Several posters responded to say that they felt sorry for the daughter and suggested that both parents were wrong in this instance. Other posters chose one side or the other, with several thinking the husband was wrong for not giving a prior warning that he wanted the original poster to take over early. I haven't read many of the posts in this thread, but several were reported, and removed, because they were inappropriate. Some posters were surprisingly angry with the original poster, resorting to profane name-calling. Posters felt that she was too rigid and should be wiling to show more flexibility. Others suggested ways she could have handled things more diplomatically to cause less conflict. On the other hand, several posters saw the husband as selfish and inconsiderate, with some suggesting that he probably hadn't cared for the child while at his mother's either and was likely shirking all of his responsibilities. In general, posters seem to agree that the issue is not who is spending the correct amount of time with the child, but rather the parent's relationship and seeming inability to communicate effectively. As a result, there are many recommendations for therapy. The most surprising thing about this thread is that it took until page 10 before someone suggested that the original poster get a divorce. Normally in the relationship forum, such a recommendation is made within the first few posts.