Sunday's Most Active Threads

Yesterday's most active thread was titled, "How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster writes that her husband was recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), something that she says explains the problems they have had in their marriage. She wants to stay married but doesn't know how she can do it given the difficulties that she attributes to his condition. She asks if others have made such a relationship work and, if so, how? This is a controversial topic that has come up repeatedly in the last several months. The controversy begins with the name of the condition, something the original poster demonstrates by using three different terms to describe her husband's diagnosis. Traditionally referred to as Asperger's Syndrome, this condition was later referred to as High Functioning Autism, but is now called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1. Regardless of what it is called, several posters attribute problems in their marriages to the diagnosis. An immediate point of dispute concerns why these women didn't notice the symptoms in their husbands earlier. This leads to a debate about whether those with ASD are able to "mask" or hide their symptoms. This highlights a paradox. Those with ASD are prone to difficulties in social communication and trouble reading social cues. Yet, these same individuals are allegedly capable of faking a persona for for long enough to get married. Some posters don't buy this scenario. Moreover, one poster strongly believes — and "strongly" cannot be emphasized enough — that "ASD" is being wrongly used to describe behaviors that have nothing to do with the condition. In this poster's view, the men being described are not on the spectrum, they are just jerks. Intermixed within these various debates are some helpful suggestions and advice for those involved in such relationships. But, of course, even the lessons posters have learned from their own experience are disputed.

The next most active thread was posted in the "Midlife Concerns and Eldercare" forum. titled, "If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...", the original poster plans to continue living in her current home, but is frequently asked why she doesn't move to a smaller home or a retirement community. The original poster has a number of reasons for not moving, but wants to hear other's thoughts on the topic. Many posters provide their own reasons for staying in their current homes and others relate the experiences of friends or relatives. There are not a lot of reasons beyond those initially cited by the original poster. The main reason is that "there is no reason to move". People in the age range described by the original poster can generally get around their home without difficulty even if it has stairs. They like the familiarity and dread the thought of downsizing. Many of these posters plan to stay where they are until forced to move to a continuing care or assisted living facility. There is some discussion about the advantage of ramblers to aging in place and also talk about strategies for preparing to move or convincing an aged relative to move. While most posters reject the notion of "over 55" communities and the like, at least one poster popped in to extoll the virtues of living in such a community.

The third most active thread yesterday was titled, "Won’t use the word 'girl'" and posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum. Reading the first post in the thread, I felt I had come into the middle of a converstation and had no idea what was going on. I actually checked to see if I had gone to the second or third page instead of the first to start reading. Eventually the original poster got around to explaining that she tries to use gender neutral language. Since that issue has nothing to do with tweens or teens, I moved the thread to the "Off-Topic" forum. I am not going to read this thread and, therefore, I am not going to be able to summarize it for this post. Reading the first couple responses was enough for me. We don't need to this thread to know that some people favor gender neutral language. This may be because certain roles that were once gender-defined no longer are, (e.g flight attendant instead of stewardess) or in recognition of expansive views of gender (e.g. pregnant person). You would have to be living under a rock to not know that a huge number of people object to many of these changes in language. I've covered the debate about "woke" language several times and I'm not going to do it again. I am not a pissed off man, but rather a person experiencing being pissed off.

The final thread at which I'll look today was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "Talk to me about dating as a woman who is not 'hot'", the original poster provides a description of herself and clothing choices which apparently she believes result in her not being "hot". Her question is included in the thread's topic, but she adds that she would rather be single than change her style. Multiple posters assure the original poster that "hotness" is in the eye of the beholder and that she will eventually meet the right guy. Others give ideas for improving her appearance with different clothing choices despite her stated reluctance to change. Several posters emphasize that attractiveness often comes from personality and attitude rather than strictly from looks. More than one poster suggests that the original poster sounds boring rather than unattractive. When the original poster subsequently revealed that she suffers from facial acne, she received advice about appropriate treatments. A number of posters also mention that the original poster's description of herself as petite, thin, educated, and employed, creates significant advantages for her and, therefore, she shouldn't have to do much to become "hot". There is a fun diversion resulting from a poster who imagines a romantic movie involving the original poster and himself. Several posters are enthralled with the idea and several posts are devoted to proposing a cast for such a film and expanding on the plot.