Thursdays Most Active Threads

Yesterday's top topics all seemed to revolve around relationships, despite none of them being posted in the main relationship forum. The thread with the most replies was posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. DCUM seems to have a large number of posters with in-law issues and an even larger group who loves to discuss those problems. As such, there are always a number of threads on in-law topics. A thread titled, "Almost former ILs still want their 'party'" led in number of replies yesterday and was second in number of views. The original poster explains that she and her husband are separated and moving towards a divorce. She has traditionally hosted Thanksgiving dinner and her in-laws have normally attended. This year the original poster is planning to invite only her parents and her in-laws are disappointed about being left out. The in-laws don't seem to be taking "no" for answer and the original poster asks how she can get them to understand.

At first the responders approached this as a fairly simple problem of communication and offered ways to address the in-laws to make them understand that, due to the separation, the holiday will be different this year. But, the original poster's response to such replies strikes some readers as unsympathetic, if not downright rude. This leads to a wave of posts criticizing the original poster, provoking more defensive replies from her. Eventually, the thread degenerated into an all out battle between those supporting the in-laws and those supporting the original posters. Threads like these always attract posters who discuss their own personal experiences. Often these posts are helpful as providing examples, but at other times it appears that posters are still working through their own drama rather than addressing the original poster's issue. This thread has a few of both examples.

A thread titled, "Love our house, hate our neighborhood" and posted in the "Real Estate" forum was first in number of views and second in number of replies yesterday. The original poster explains that her white family purchased a house last Spring in a neighborhood that turned out to be about 75% Indian. The local school is the same. As a result, the original poster feels that her family doesn't fit in. Her husband wants to sell the house and move but the original poster loves the house and wonders if they should stick it out. DCUM is plagued by a small group of posters who are very anti-Indian. While I haven't read the 10 pages of this thread, I would not be surprised if there are a few racist posts in the mix. If so, I hope someone will report them. However, many of the first responses in this thread are very favorable towards Indians, suggesting that their presence would result in good schools and recounting experiences with Indians being terrific neighbors. Several posters question why the original poster's family can't make friends with their Indian neighbors or ask about the remaining non-Indian 25% of the neighbors. I also looked at the last page of the thread and see that posters are flinging about various stereotypes and criticizing each other for using stereotypes. Meanwhile, the original poster is backpedalling a bit and other non-white posters are relating their own experiences of being a minority.

A thread titled, "Extended family members wear hiking boots that leave scuff marks on my hardwood floors" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum was third in both number of views and number of replies. I kept seeing this thread's title yesterday and sort of expected it might end up as a top thread. I kept rolling my eyes at this very specific, but seemingly easily-solvable, problem. What could there be to discuss that requires nine pages? Of course anyone who has been around DCUM for any length of time will easily know the answer to that question. The debate between those who wear shoes in the house and those who don't is eternal in the forums. As one responder writes, "This is my favorite debate on DCUM! So many feelings." Posters from cultures in which shoes are traditionally not worn in the home are quick to tut-tut us vulgar Americans while our patriotic brethren proudly declare that you will pry their shoes from their cold, dead, feet. If you have strong feelings on this topic — and I'm sure you do — this is the thread for you. It may well still be active next Thanksgiving.

The last thread that I'll discuss today was fourth in both views and replies yesterday. Titled, "Close friend thinks her DD walks on water and... reality is different...", the thread was posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum. The original poster describes a close friend of hers who has daughter is has been friends with the original poster's daughter since preschool. The girls are in seventh grade now. According to the original poster, her friend views her daughter as nearly perfect, constantly referring to her as a "such a special kid." In reality, again according to the original poster, the girl is a bully who has been physically violent towards other children and the original poster's daughter no longer wants to be friends with her. The original poster believes any distancing by her daughter would be noticeable by her friend and she wonders if she should give her friend a "wake-up call" about her child. I have only read a few posts in this thread but it looks like many posters advise the original poster to stay out of it and let her daughter handle things. As so often happens in these discussions, many posters attacked the original poster, accusing her of being jealous of her friend or friend's daughter or suggesting that the original poster's daughter was actually the one at fault. Some posters criticized the original poster for supposedly forcing her daughter into this friendship (something the original poster gave no indication of doing). As I said earlier, posters often seem to be reliving their own personal dramas in these threads and some posts in this discussion appear to be doing that.